for feeling this way. If so tell me to get a grip

[ijustwanttobeme]

My previous thread related to DDad being unwell and subsequently passing away.

My DB, who had a massive failing out with DM 16 years ago, has come over from the US, after i called him. Dad was a Hindu, so DB had to be involved in arrangements. It was a few years ago that he'd agreed to come over if either parent passed away.

He's made up with DM, which is really great, but what Im a bit hmm about is the fact that she was going to give my DDad's wedding ring and watch to him.

Its,not the possessions themselves, but the fact that DB hasnt been part of their lives in so long and yet he's going to have those most personal of Ddad's items. That makes me sound really grasping and honestly im not, but i feel jealous almost.

Please tell me to stop being oversensitive and that it doesnt matter who has them. Whats upset me even more is,that DM has given DDad's keys to him to let himself in etc. Why am i bothered, i have had my own set for 15 years anyway!?

Thanks MN.

[ijustwanttobeme]

Just to clarify, DB hadnt spoken to either parent in 16 years.

[bunchoffives]

Just be grateful that your family have managed to heal a rift and that your dad would surely be pleased that this has happened.

Are you going to have mementos of any sort to remember your Dad by? Could you have the ring if your brother had the watch?

I'm sorry for your loss

[AgentZigzag]

Sorry about your dad ijust

I don't think you need another grip, what you're saying is totally understandable, not grasping or oversensitive at all.

I'm guessing that your mum's giving the ring/watch to him as part of the traditional role she sees him in (what you said about him having to be involved in the arrangements) rather than choosing him over you or thinking your DB is more important than you are.

My advice would be to focus on the improvement of your DB/mums relationship and maybe deal with how you feel about him coming back when you've got less on your plate.

[AgentZigzag]

Sorry, that was supposed to be a

[WilsonFrickett]

I think the fact you think DB has to be involved in the funeral arrangements is really telling. And it seems that now he's 'back' he is automatically being awarded the role of the male sibling, with all that entails.

I think that sucks, tbh and it must be very hard for you. No grips from me. I am sorry for your loss though.

[ijustwanttobeme]

I feel better already.

I am pleased they have reconciled and it's great, as I will be able to talk about him to others without upsetting DM.

Getting grip now :)

[HauntedNoddyCar]

Sorry for your loss.
You say your DM & DB fell out. How did your dad feel about it?
I wonder if he felt that it was a father to son thing rather than any reflection on you iyswim? It may not be of your mother's making; she may be carrying out his wishes.
As far as the keys go, I don't know. It may be convenience or him being the man now. It's hard to tell if it's hard a slight, sexism or pragmatism. Whichever it is, I'm assuming he will go back to the US so they'll be of short term use.

Try not to read too much into it right now. See what comes in the next 6 months. DB might well do his duty and leave her to it despite the prodigal son thing happening now.