I've heard this response an awful lot, particularly to that awful 'being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world' advert. I have worked outside the home and been a SAHM and I do not feel that working meant I did all the parenting plus work on top. For example, as a SAHM parent I'd deal with squabbling, tantrums, discipline, naps, take them to parks/soft play etc and help them to play nicely with other children, cook with them, do painting and play doh and so on.
As a working parent I had an hour of getting them ready in the morning, dropped them off at childcare, then an hour of winding them down and putting them to bed at night. I could eat and go to the toilet in peace during the day, the house was tidy and needed little cleaning as we were rarely in it and I had very little to do with discipline etc.
I'm not trying to say working parents don't parent, because obviously they do but AIBU to think parents who work fulltime don't 'work and do all the parenting as well'? I don't get why working mums respond that way and think they're right but if a working husband came home and said to his stay at home wife that he does just as much parenting as her then I'm sure mumsnet would not agree.
You're knackered if you're a WOHP and you're knackered if you're a SAHP
Possibly for different specific reasons. I'm a WOHP (as is DH), both full time. The house is a mess, we don't see enough of DD and don't feed her any meals during the week as she goes to breakfast club, has hot school lunches and dinner at the CM! I feel sad about that.
I'm about to become a SAHM and my days will be busy with sorting out the house, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, DD and school stuff. If we have another DC, I'll be dealing with them all day too. Just as busy and just as knackered... just different.
retro, your DH sounds lovely. I do think one of the issues, WOH or SAM, is how much support you have and whether you feel part of a team. That half hour at lunch time gave him time with DC and a break from his job.
fid, I very rarely do a 9 hour day, because DC2 can't cope with nursery for that long, and there are extra curricular activities etc to get to. I usually do 7 hours flat and a couple of hours when they are asleep. I have arranged things so that the commute is half an hour each way rather than an hour, though this means our house is tiny. I figure a bigger house would just mean more mess, anyway, though maybe you can contain the mess in one room, I don't know. My whole house is a playroom, it feels. My office is my own space but it, like the house, needs a good clear out.
Not sure what that adds, I guess 9 hours to do my job seems an impossible luxury, but at the same time, flexibility means I can better manage home life.