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AIBU?

To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)

406 replies

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:15

Name changed for this.

Dsd is with is is week. She randomly just dropped in to the conversation that her mums bf has moved a lot of his stuff back to his parents as he has moved back there in order that they can get more money which they need to buy a house in August. He still visits every day and stays over some nights. She was talking about his Xbox and said it was at his parents as he needed to have enough things there to convince 'them' that he didn't live there anymore.

To me this reads that he has nominally moved out in order that the mum can claim housing benefit again (as she only works a couple of days a week)

They have reserved a new build house that should be ready in august, dsd says they don't have enough money for it yet though.

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually. They are obviously impatient to move which I do understand. But this doesn't seem a very honest way to go about it. Dh and I saved for ages to have a house deposit.

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

It's not that I have anything against dsd mum, I don't really know her but she seems nice enough. And it's not that I have any plans to try and report her or anything (unless people think I should!) I realise I know nothing like the full story. I'm just feeling rather grr about it.

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 18/04/2014 12:26

Yes, you ABU. None of your business.

Joules68 · 18/04/2014 12:28

You have heard a snippet of info from a kid?

usualsuspectt · 18/04/2014 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:31

You don't know the full situation and it's unlikely your dsd does either if she doesn't live with them and have access to their bank accounts. So YABU.

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:31

She's nearly 9 and not stupid Smile

And she was quite open about it.

He's moved a lot of things in to his parents house so that they can say he's not living with them and get more money to buy their new house.

Those were pretty much her exact words.

OP posts:
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:32

Err she does live with them?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 18/04/2014 12:33

So her bf earns nearly as much as DH does he?

Actually it sounds like they are being honest. If they're saying he's moved out and he has moved out.

Keep your nose out, you sound like a busybody.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:34

If all of his stuff is at another house then he will easily be able to prove that he lives elsewhere. There are a lot of misconceptions about what constitutes living with someone. Sleeping arrangements aren't really relevant. What is relevant are financial links - ie paying for utility bills or having mail delivered to the house.

manicinsomniac · 18/04/2014 12:35

Well if he's moved his stuff out and doesn't stay there every night then he has moved out really!

I couldn't get worked up about that. They sound like a struggling family saving everything they can to get some security.

usualsuspectt · 18/04/2014 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:36

So what are you suggesting OP - that you should report them and make trouble for them? How would that benefit your dsd?

I will never understand why some people feel the need to cause trouble for others. You know nothing at all. My 10 year old wouldn't have a clue about our finances if anyone asked her.

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:37

pinkyredrose yes! and I know that from information that dsd mum voluntarily gave to dh, not because I'm a busybody..... I just think that is relevant, as it's decent money, therefore if they waited and saved, as so many people do, they would surely have the means to get a deposit together themselves.

OP posts:
Famzilla · 18/04/2014 12:37

Oh you're probably gonna get flamed here OP. Mumsnet seem to think that everyone is entitled to cheat the system and only scum of the earth report benefit fraud.

EatShitDerek · 18/04/2014 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:39

But they are not cheating the system Famzilla - he has moved out!

Fairylea · 18/04/2014 12:39

Regardless of whether it's right or not no good can come from reporting this if that's what you were considering - they are doing things within the law if they can show he lives elsewhere and if the families benefits get suspended while they investigate it will cause problems for your dsd won't it. Smile and nod and forget about it.

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:40

No, I believe I said I had no intention of trying to report her actually. The comment in brackets in my op was tongue in cheek.

Note to self, if I wish to save money faster, it is apparently acceptable to fudge my circumstances and claim some benefits accordingly.

OP posts:
Famzilla · 18/04/2014 12:41

He hasn't moved out really though has he..

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:42

No, I have absolutely no issue with benefits when they are claimed correctly.

What was I hoping to get out of this thread? Exactly what I asked. Am I unreasonable to be annoyed by it. That's all.

OP posts:
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:42

Exactly famzilla.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:43

If his stuff is elsewhere, if he doesn't pay any of the household bills or have any links to the house then yes he has moved out.

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:43

Are benefits to be used to supplement savings then? As basically people are saying it's ok for him to move out so they can do this.

OP posts:

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Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:44

Rather than saving for a bit longer by themselves.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:44

Fraud is when someone has a partner who is paying for things with a salary and also claiming benefits as a lone parent. This isn't the same at all. And the OP has admitted she doesn't even know the full story.

Just stop being jealous - what good will it do?

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:45

Yes if course it's ok for him to move out if he's no longer contributing to bills

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