to get annoyed when people compare my kid to theirs?

(52 Posts)
HelenHen Thu 17-Apr-14 16:24:45

Seems a big chunk of moms do it and it's really starting to piss me off. Ds is a few months older than some of his friends. Their mom's are always commenting on things he can do that theirs can't and the next time I see them it's usually obvious they've been trying to teach dc this new thing. Their kids can do things my son can't but I don't get competitive over it and let them develop at his own pace.

Also my ndn is always going on about how her sons feet are bigger than my son. He's 9 months older confused . Today she laughed and how funny it looked that his feet were so much bigger. It hit a nerve today and I replied saying that not really considering the age gap and that it's mad there's not much of a height difference between them. She didnt reply. I'm just starting to get sick of it and disappointed that it's making me petty.

So come on, why the fuck do moms do this?

mummywithsmiles25 Thu 17-Apr-14 16:52:57

I think the feet one your being unreasonable as its probably just like oh how dinky are his feet rather than haha mt sons got bigger feet than yours .

HelenHen Thu 17-Apr-14 16:57:05

It hit a nerve today cos we're slightly worried about his growth at the mo and gonna bring it up with hv. I just think people should think twice before saying stuff like that.

manicinsomniac Thu 17-Apr-14 16:59:58

haha, human nature I think. Annoying, I agree.

It probably wouldn't bother me if other mums were commenting on how their children couldn't do things that mine could because they're obsessing/being inferior about their own kids not mine. But if they were focusing on how my child couldn't do things that theirs could and being smug or faux surprised about it - that would bother me.

HelenHen Thu 17-Apr-14 17:13:51

Lol Good point manic! I dunno why that annoys me... Maybe cos I feel like they're being unreasonable to theirkids expecting them to do stuff they cant!

ikeaismylocal Thu 17-Apr-14 19:40:32

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, I don't think it is competative it's just interesting to see what other kids can do.

I find that I underestimate what my ds can do, if I see kids around the same age as him doing something he can't do (and that I have probably never given him the chance to do) I would say oh wow, that's great that your dc can eat with a fork/walk downstairs/use an i-pad I'm going to give that a go with ds and see if he can do it.

I think it sounds like you are a bit focused on people being competative, it's not even possible to be competative about foot size.

HelenHen Thu 17-Apr-14 22:55:15

Oh I know she wasn't being competitive about foot size but I found it very patronising. I've seen other moms look annoyed when people call their kids tiny or whatever! So I know it's not just me! And you never know if there's something actually wrong with the kid so why say it?

MammaTJ Thu 17-Apr-14 23:02:10

My DSis used to do this. It was funny really. She has a DS 4 weeks older than my DD and two older ones. She was always comparing my DD to her middle DS, 2 1/2 years older than her. hmm

When my DD started walking at 9 1/2 months I know, ridiculously early my then DH told me not to tell her, for fear of her putting a rucksack filled with rocks on her youngest DS's back and making him go on a route march!

I just don't get competative shit. I have three children and they are all different in every way.

HelenHen Thu 17-Apr-14 23:05:27

Lol mamma grin and I love how they are all different! They all have their own little madnesses!

BrianTheMole Thu 17-Apr-14 23:08:25

I guess its only natural to compare. And its not being nasty commenting about how yours can do something that theirs can't yet, is it? confused

FixItUpChappie Thu 17-Apr-14 23:10:22

They are mostly just trying to make conversation.

She probably wasn't criticizing your childs feet.

It natural to observe difference and wonder if yours is "normal". Your being a bit sensitive IMO.

Andanotherthing123 Thu 17-Apr-14 23:13:07

Are you sure they are being competitive? I've commented on other kids strengths (for eg: your DS is really good at colouring in/is a quick runner etc) not because I secretly covet those skills for my kids and am off to hot house them but because I like to compliment people when I can see they're good at something.

DonnaMoss Fri 18-Apr-14 07:22:30

I understand op, especially if youre worried about his growth. My dd is nearly 5 months old and is showing signs of gross delay owing to a brain malformation. some cow in the gp waiting room made a snotty remark about how her head was still wobbly whilst she jiggled her own dd on her lap saying "not like yours twinkletoes, you're a big strong girl". Bitch.

Have some thanks and ignore ignore ignore.

hotcrosshunny Fri 18-Apr-14 07:24:13

Yabu

It is just a way of making conversation.

Only1scoop Fri 18-Apr-14 07:27:07

Yabu....they probably don't actually give a shiny shite it's called polite small talk.

BrianButterfield Fri 18-Apr-14 07:31:16

I took DS to baby group when he was about 4 months. He was lying on a mate on the floor and another mum put her baby, a little older, next to him. Certainly this baby was still lying on the mat, not crawling or rolling around. They looked kike two peas in a pod. Anyway this mum went on and on and on about how small DS looked, how she couldn't believe her DS had ever been so small, how it felt so long ago...it was nuts! And DS wasn't particularly small, either.

Jinsei Fri 18-Apr-14 07:54:42

It's annoying when parents get competitive about their kids, but I think you're bring a bit over-sensitive. Most of the time, people are just making harmless conversation.

Jinsei Fri 18-Apr-14 07:55:11

Being not bring!

tmae Fri 18-Apr-14 08:11:26

I would probably say things such as "wow, your DS can do such and such" meaning I'm impressed as my DS can't, I wouldn't though try to train my DS to learn it any faster!

Superworm Fri 18-Apr-14 09:37:20

I think it depends on how and why they are saying it. General chit chat is fine. It's normal to talk about the new stuff they've started doing.

Competitiveness is wearing. I have a friend that will 'train' her DS if mine does something hers doesn't. It's bonkers and not enjoyable. She often offends me with comments.

Her DS does lots of things mine doesn't and visa versa. It's not a competition but it can feel like one.

HelenHen Sun 20-Apr-14 17:10:45

I do know the difference between making small talk andbeing ccompetitive! We're not really the small talk kinda people... Ndn yes but not the others.

Grrrr Donna... What a cow??? That's horrible!

Yes maybe I was being slightly sensitive but I have a couple of other friends with small kids and it gets said to them sooooo often, you can see them sink a bit! I don't know why people think it's ok to point out physical characteristics in kids! I don't say 'wow your child's head is so big, isn't it wonderful?' or 'look at how small her hands are in proportion to the rest of her body'. See what I mean?

tobysmum77 Mon 21-Apr-14 07:42:35

why would it matter if you pointed out the size of hands? Both my dds have tiny hands, it's purely fact.

Tbh yabu and need to toughen up a bit.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean Mon 21-Apr-14 08:03:36

yanbu

Comparison is the thief of joy. I hated baby groups for this reason and stopped going. Baby Olympics are draining and boring.

When ds started school their were a small group of momsters and dadzillas that seemed obsessed with how other kids were doing. Including (1) going through book bags if dc were invited to teashock (2) fb messaging parents if their lo was given a certificate in assembly (3) poor little boys being shaped for the premiership.

I cannot fathom why book levels of other children are important, I'm barely interested in ds's. Who has time for any if that shit? It must be insecurity. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

myitchybeaver Mon 21-Apr-14 08:19:02

YANBU and this was one of the things that ruined my 'first baby' experience. I felt an overwhelming pressure at mother and baby groups and with friends with babies the same age to show what my DS could do and felt the stress and tension others felt about their own DCs development.

I can still remember the bloodcurdling horror when a 'friend' asked in front of all the mums if I was concerned about my DSs development and did I think 'he had something wrong with him' because he was still having a bit of bother (at 12 weeks) with keeping his head up during fucking tummy time.

That child is now 17 years old, 6'5" and driving a car and driving me mad in other ways, but perfectly normal.

I have since had 2 more DC and feel for new parents, when you know the 'game' and understand that children develop at different rates parenting is so much more pleasurable.

My middle child walked at 8 months and I stopped going to baby groups because I could see the mothers with babies the same age who weren't even sitting unsupported yet looking worried.

I feel so grateful that it was my 3rd child that had the developmental/speech delay because by then I was so much more relaxed.

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 21-Apr-14 08:30:42

I hate this, I always try to make a joke of it in our baby groups when one mum does this because you can see the new mums getting antsy and frankly upset. There are so many worries concerned with motherhood, you dont need someone else giving you worries. We also joke about ours having phds and swimming the channel.
Babies all develop at different times, because thats what babies do. Some babies don't do some developments at all, ie crawling. They all turn out fine in the end.

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