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AIBU?

To hate the way DH and his family do presents?

122 replies

HugoTheHippo · 16/04/2014 22:17

Disclaimer: utterly unimportant, first world problem:
In my family presents have always been a treat, designed to be a surprise and make the recipient feel special. We've always been taught never to demand them, jealousy over presents/amount spent was never tolerated, and we never wrote Christmas lists or anything as saying what we wanted to be given always felt horribly grabby and entitled. Presents were always things of excitement and surprise.

DH and his family always tell each other what they want, consult on presents in advance and are very blunt with each other if they don't like something. I've just been informed that BIL is feeling a bit hard up at the mo and would like to know if it's ok if he gets me and DH one Easter Egg to share this year instead of one each.

Well, of COURSE it's ok. But now that he's asked it feels like he's taken any element of surprise or fun out of it and frankly I'd rather he didn't bother! If all I cared about was chocolate I could just go and buy myself a load. For me, what is special about presents is rarely the thing itself, but the effort or thought someone has taken to make me feel special. For me, the way DH and his family do presents just takes all the joy out of it (DH has form for this too). Do I have just hopelessly unrealistic expectations? Or (worse) am I just being grabby and entitled in a different way?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 16/04/2014 22:19

adults buy each other easter eggs?

Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 22:19

Adult eggs....not had one for 20 years Blush

justmuddlingalong · 16/04/2014 22:20

That's what I was thinking, gamer.

BackforGood · 16/04/2014 22:20

Well, YANBU to feel differently from his family, but, for what it's worth I'd FAR rather have a list - it means everyone gets something they want rather than politely sitting there thinking "that's nice" whilst wonering if they can take it back.
That's for birthdays and Christmas though - Easter Egss are only for dc in our family.

itsmeitscathy · 16/04/2014 22:20

YANBU but also, neither are they. I think it's just different people see things in different ways. Don't lose any sleep over it Smile

Unexpected · 16/04/2014 22:20

Your BIL buys you an Easter egg? Isn't it a bit unusual for adult family members to buy each other eggs? Sorry, I realise that's off the point of your post but am a bit amazed. Apart from dh, no adult has ever bought me an egg since I became an adult myself.

EverythingCounts · 16/04/2014 22:21

Well, you can't do a lot about the way his family do things, but you can talk to your DH and tell him how much it means to you to have a surprise present that is personal to you. Would that help?

I love getting special cards 'to my lovely wife' etc, and DH isn't at all bothered on his own behalf, but he takes the trouble to get me the kind of card I like because he knows it makes me happy.

EverythingCounts · 16/04/2014 22:24

I thought the same about the egg buying, tbh. I think of it as being just for children, but I think the chocolate industry would like people to spread the joy more widely...

DownstairsMixUp · 16/04/2014 22:24

I wish my family would buy me easter eggs. :(

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 16/04/2014 22:25

I buy for my parents. A token thank you for other stuff in the year. I buy dh. Wouldn't buy any one else! X

usualsuspectt · 16/04/2014 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 16/04/2014 22:29

I'm trying to remember when I got an easter egg without pinching the kids that is.

I didn't think adults got anything for easter.. it's not a grown up type of time is it?

gamerchick · 16/04/2014 22:30

*thats just a musing BTW.. not a dig at the OP.. i'm genuinely asking.

usualsuspectt · 16/04/2014 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

senua · 16/04/2014 22:30

Why not compromise. Do the 'ordering' of presents as per DH family. And the 'surprise' presents as per your family. That way you get two presents.Grin

Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 22:32

I'd reserve your half first and get the biggest but....

Are you really annoyed that it's a one egg economy drive....

Is it not an oeuf Grin

usualsuspectt · 16/04/2014 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aquashiv · 16/04/2014 22:33

Tell him that come Monday the eggs will be reduced to pennies.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 16/04/2014 22:33

I think yabu hugely unreasonable to even give a fuck about an Easter egg. In fact if he's hard up he was probably waiting for you to say don't worry about it as surely to god any one over 7 years old would

trashcanjunkie · 16/04/2014 22:34

Er... yes adults buy each other eggs! wtf do you think the egg selection in hotel chocolate is for? don't tell me you expect parents to spend £30 bloody quid on dark chocolate eggs for kids....

As far as the op goes, dps family do the same as your dps. Their rationale is that some family members don't have a lot of spare cash, and it's really important to get a gift that is really wanted by the giftee, as opposed to something not quite right. My family, (who I am nc with now) were abysmal at gifts, even when we were little kids, so any 'surprises' were usually a huge kick in the teeth. Consequently I dread surprises, and am happy to go along with dps method.

Saying that, I went to m&s today and bought both of our eggs, as I am on a low carb diet for the forseeable future, and I am falling off the wagon for an easter egg. I said to dp, I had to be allowed to choose my own, because I needed to see them to choose! He is bemused at my directness in this instance!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 16/04/2014 22:36

I'm also Confused at, again anyone aged over 7 finding an element of fun or surprise in an Easter egg... It's a different world at times

trashcanjunkie · 16/04/2014 22:36

gamerchick pm your address, woman I'm sending you an easter egg! Grin

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usualsuspectt · 16/04/2014 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weatherall · 16/04/2014 22:37

I think you just have different family traditions.

Do it your way with your family and his way with his.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 16/04/2014 22:38

I was brought up like you, everything had to be a surprise, what a relief it was when I met DH's family and their lists, gift receipts, and being told to feel free to exchange anything we don't like. Both families are grateful for whatever is given, and both make an effort to choose thoughtfully. Rudeness or jeslousy is not acceptable in either family.

Of course it's ok for BIL to tell you that he's having to cut back than to just buy less and worry that you might feel slighted.

No Easter eggs given between adults in our families either.

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