To want someone to take my baby away :-(

(253 Posts)
MrsSeanBean1 Sun 13-Apr-14 20:39:05

I know I am being unreasonable and I feel so guilty but if someone came to the door and offered to take my baby i would give him to them. I just can't listen to him crying anymore, he has cried for 24 hours with barely a break.

We have been in and out of hospital with him since he was born 6 weeks ago- poor weight gain, explosive nappies, stomach pain, projectile vomiting, never sleeping. He has been diagnosed with reflux/milk intolerance but I don't think anyone really knows for sure what is wrong with him.

We have tried about 4 different milks as breastfeeding made his symptoms even worse as no one advised me to try cutting out dairy. We were finally prescribed Neocate milk on Friday which we were told was the best- absolutely nothing in it to be intolerant to. Today he has been worse than ever and I don't think I can take anymore. Has anyone tried Neocate? Does it take a while to work? This was my last hope and now I feel hopeless.

My husband is very good but we have to look after him in shifts so someone is awake with him all of the time as he will never settle. I can't see an end to this and it's all getting too much. I have spoken to the HV but what can she say or do to help? Not much apart from to say it will get better eventually. I know that but eventually seems so far away when you're doing the nightshift with a baby that won't stop screaming. I've just sat for 10 minutes outside in the rain in my pajamas just to get a break from the crying. I have no one other than hubby to offer practical support due to family illness.

I went through hell to get my babies and should just be grateful I have them so why do I feel like this? How do you get through it with your sanity intact?

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 13-Apr-14 20:43:59

The reflux, is he medicated for that?? You need to see a dr and get that under control. The neocate could take a while to make a huge difference. If he hasn't stopped screaming for 24 hrs tbh is probably take him back To a&e.


littlewhitebag Sun 13-Apr-14 20:44:18

You take a deep breath, tell yourself that it is not your fault and take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. If you could find someone - anyone to help out for a little while so you and DH could get a break it would be good - friends? Neighbours?

WaveorCheer Sun 13-Apr-14 20:46:17

My goodness you're going through a horrendous time, no wonder you feel like giving him back. I'm afraid I can't give you any answers on the reflux front, apart from to say it sounds like you need to go back to the GP and demand more support. Is he on any medication?

The only bit of consolation I can offer is that six weeks is generally the peak of fussiness for babies. But that doesn't really help right now, does it?

Do you have friends or family nearby who can take him off you hands for a while so you can get some rest/peace/a shower? If no, you need to find some support. Once when I was really struggling I pitched up at my local children's centre and they were great, made me a cup of tea and entertained my (older) DS while I had a cry and a chat.

Thinking of you. It can be so fucking tough, it really can.

TittyMcFartyFlaps Sun 13-Apr-14 20:46:31

I'm sorry I don't know anything about the milk so don't know what to suggest but I know sure start have volunteers that can come once a week for a couple of hours to help you out. I know you need help sooner than that but you could get the ball rolling.
I'm sorry you're struggling, you must be exhausted and sleep deprivation is so hard, someone with more knowledge will post soon I'm sure.

MrsSeanBean1 Sun 13-Apr-14 20:47:12

He is on ranitidine for reflux. The Domperidone made his stomach cramps much worse so I gave up with that.

PossumPoo Sun 13-Apr-14 20:47:31

Mrs you poor thing. Its tough and when there are other things thrown in well it can seem unbearable. 6 weeks for me was horrid...I thought I wouldnt survive, seriously. I dont have any practical advice but just hope it gets easier for you.

RedRoom Sun 13-Apr-14 20:47:44

I think all of that would test anyone's patience- YANBU. There isn't any advice to give you, because you've already spoken to the HV and the experts have no more idea of what is wrong than you do.

I can only suggest practical things: get some earplugs. They will reduce - but not totally block- some of the noise to more manageable levels. It is not cruel on the baby- you'll still hear him if he needs you but it will give your brain a rest.

Can one of you leave the house when it isn't your shift, just to get some space away from it all? I know you went on the step outside, but I'm thinking of a coffee shop etc. You may feel too tired for that, I know.

Twighlightsparkle Sun 13-Apr-14 20:48:02

Hi I have sent you a pm

Ratbagcatbag Sun 13-Apr-14 20:49:19

Get omeprazole for reflux, ranitidine did nothing for dd. omeprazole was a different baby within days.

Big huge hugs. This is so tough. Did you get a humidifier to try?

ChampagneTastes Sun 13-Apr-14 20:49:49

I can't give you any help or advice on any of the medical side of this but I wanted to reassure you that you're not alone. the early weeks of babies are the hardest (at least I think so - some may disagree). I didn't have to deal with any of the stuff you are but I still found myself hoping that my (now thoroughly gorgeous and fun) DS would be taken away by the grown ups.

You are knackered so do be kind to yourself and keep repeating to yourself the most holy of mumsnet sacraments: "this too shall pass". It really does, eventually.

fluffyraggies Sun 13-Apr-14 20:50:26

Oh keep going OP flowers You're doing so well. Both of you.

Do you feel his distress is really escalated? Would you want to try a&e. You and the baby must be exhausted sad

Skivvywoman Sun 13-Apr-14 20:50:57

Mrs your doing the right thing taking time out,
I don't know much about reflux but my dd had colic so I know what it's like with the screaming,
I don't know if helps but would he settle being beside the washing machine?

MrsSeanBean1 Sun 13-Apr-14 20:51:17

I do try to get to my local sure start group once a week and they do help by entertaining my 2 year old and even holding baby for a bit but they are now shut for 2 weeks for Easter. I do have family nearby but my grandparents are both terminally ill and my parents are caring for them so we are on our own unfortunately

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Sun 13-Apr-14 20:51:42

mrs where in the country are you? I bet there are MNetters who can help. Huge hugs, it sounds awful. Can you try putting headphones in and listening to music? If he needs to be upright because of the reflux, could you try putting him in a sling?

Wherediparkmybroom Sun 13-Apr-14 20:52:30

everybody feels this way at some point. do not feel guilty

JuliaScurr Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:09

oh, you poor thing <offers hand> brew
I have no experience of this but my friends did. It is incredibly difficult. The shifts idea sounds sensible, at least you both get a slight break.
keep hassling HV, GP etc until you get some effective treatment. This stage won't last forever - come on here for a vent and a rant as required
it will get better, it really will

somewherewest Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:11

I don't have personal experience of them myself, but could these people help a little:

And it does get better. It really does. A lovely friend of mine once confessed that she felt like giving her DD (now four) up for adoption around six weeks. People struggle more than they ever admit to.

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:15

There is another formula called Elecare, so this isn't the only one.

It may take a week or so for the formula to work.

Valdeeves Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:37

I had a friend who had two DD's like yours in their babyhood. Cried for hours - and I mean I'd babysit and they would cry all night. They had bad colic and I have never seen two people more stressed.
Hang in there - it won't last forever.
I would keep pushing for more support for your baby - more meds.
Thinking of you - keep posting here for support? I know it's not practical but at least it's a listening ear.

Lagoonablue Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:46

Go to a and e. Honestly he needs a scan. Friends baby just like yours and ended up having a bowel obstruction. Even if it's not that you need so e help.

Good luck.

Dawndonnaagain Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:54

You poor thing. It will get better but it's hard to see when you're in the thick of it. We found Lansoprazole helpful.

EvilHerbivore Sun 13-Apr-14 20:53:59

I agree, can you give a rough idea where you are? There's bound to be one of close even if its only yo bring you hot meal etc
I'm sorry its so tough thanks

Oh Mrs I could have written your post after DD was born. She had undiagnosed reflux - not picked up until she was 14 weeks. It was hell. She cried all the time. I just wanted to drive away. I got her on some formula called Enfamil AR and she became a different baby in 2 days. Keep trying to find the right formula. I found that having her upright in a Baby Bjorn sling helped.

It is really hard but you can do this. The early weeks really affected me and I wpuld say I did not bond properly with DD until she was 8 months. Now I love her more than anyone else in the world and.our bond is strong. You will not feel like this forever and you will get through this.

ilovecolinfirth Sun 13-Apr-14 20:54:22

YANBU, you have had a really tough start with your precious child, and it's enough to test anyone. I didn't go through anything as bad as that, but I still well up when I think of some of the thoughts that went through my head.

It will get easier I promise. I cannot give any medical advice, but please, if you have support around you, do not be afraid to take people's offers of help, or ask for it.

Hang on in there.

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