To give internet dating a go

(40 Posts)
Hiphopopotamus Sat 12-Apr-14 22:24:58

So please - give me some honest responses!

I'm 26 years old, and would really like to be in a committed relationship. I am waiting for a decent guy to fall into my lap, and it's just not happening. I've sat through yet another wedding of yet another friend today, and I am just fucking fed up! (It doesn't help that the groom was a guy that I casually dated and slept with a few years ago blush)

So AIBU to try internet dating. Part of the reason for my question is that I really don't want to! My ideal relationships are ones that develop from friendships, and part of me feels that internet dating is just a bit artificial. My other qualm is that I feel a lot of guys sign up to internet dating to sleep with desperate women, and have no interest in a relationship. I really don't want to be one of those desperate women!!

So please give me some honest responses - have you had some good or bad experiences with internet dating? Do you have some dating sites that you would recommend or avoid like the plague?

Thanks oh mumsnet wisdom!

Odaat Sun 13-Apr-14 09:49:29

* he killed a guy under the influence of ecstasy and was sent to young offenders institution. Apparatnly he remembered none of it... I felt sad for him, but more so for the guy he killed !? I never saw him again ...

Odaat Sun 13-Apr-14 09:48:19

I had a date with a guy who told me he had been inside for manslaughter from age of 17 :/ first date too! True story,

I also had a relationship with a guy for 1 an half years off a dating site.

So I can safely say , there are some good, some bad and some ugly!

Just like in a pub tbh.

Good luck x

60sname Sun 13-Apr-14 09:21:49

Just don't sleep with random sleazes apply some quality control and you'll be fine. It's just another avenue. Marrying my internet date next month (met aged 26) so am biased...

Ritzandchocolate Sun 13-Apr-14 08:58:14

Give it a go, definitely.

I have had NO luck with it though - I think I must have an an invisible warning sign around my neck! Pretty much resigned myself to singleness as I don't meet any single men in day to day life, and online I have no luck.

crazydashboard Sun 13-Apr-14 08:56:28

Something like 40% of relationships start online nowadays

superram Sun 13-Apr-14 08:08:33

I met my now husband 10 years ago (when online dating was taboo). Now it is the way most of my friends meet their partners.

Pay, look at it as an option-don't be a husband hunter. It is a good way of meeting new people and having a nice time, if you meet the one that is a bonus.

You will get lots of messages at first from people for whom a sham marriage would benefit them, ignore and you will be fine.

I went on 5 dates, only saw one of them again. Then I met my dh. However, all the others were nice enough blokes. One left early to get back for his dogs-don't be easily offended it was his loss!

As others said, if you are interested, meet quickly and don't waste time on net or phone.

Ikeameatballs Sun 13-Apr-14 08:08:20

I'm enjoying online dating!

On matchaffinity last year and met three guys one of whom I went out with three times. The first guy was nice, v well off but asked me how much I weighed! The second just wasn't for me and the third guy was lovely but I just didn't fancy him enough though we got on v well.

On Tinder in Jan and met a great guy for a lovely fling. He's a recovering alcoholic too and we just met for a walk (though we quite quickly walked to his bedroom blush). We've recently stopped seeing each other as what was meant for both of us to be NSA fun was becoming much more emotional yet actually we want different things:he really wants to have dc, I've got two and really don't want more. We'll stay in touch though as we like each other.

I've dated another guy from POF; great first date but the second one just didn't do it for me.

Going on another date on Monday.....hopeful!

I found matchaffinity quite limiting as there just weren't enough people near me on the site. I only met my fling man from Tinder but I think some people do use it for dating rather than just casual encounters. POF is fine for me so far, no cockshots and I just filter out and never reply to people who I know I wouldn't want a relationship with. The difficulty I find is in messaging multiple people at once and remembering who you have said what to! I would second meeting up quickly so that you're not investing lots of time in online chat with someone with whom there is no rl spark.

BellaOfTheBalls Sun 13-Apr-14 08:07:25

I met my DH online. Friends first etc but this was about 10 years ago when meeting people online was a bit taboo & only for weirdos/geeks/agoraphobics. Two years of chatting later we finally met up & have been together ever since.

One thing I would say, if you want a committed relationship, not endless photos of penises and guys only after sex then use a service you pay for. "I sent her a picture of my cock on Plenty Of Fish and we've been together ever since" said no groom ever.

zobey Sun 13-Apr-14 08:07:21

I married my dh after meeting him online. Been with him nearly 8 years and married nearly two with a two year old daughter

Deftones Sun 13-Apr-14 07:49:27

*DP ffs

Deftones Sun 13-Apr-14 07:48:35

I met DO online dating, we're getting married in 5 months. My advice, for what it's worth, is keep your wits about you, listen to your gut and have fun!

There is less of a stigma surrounding online dating now, in fact it's fast becoming the 'norm' for dating.

I used to get embarrassed about mentioning DP and I met online, but now I don't because I don't care how I met him, just so glad I did, he's wonderful!

60sname Sun 13-Apr-14 01:29:08

Just don't sleep with random sleazes apply some quality control and you'll be fine. It's just another avenue. Marrying my internet date next month (met aged 26) so am biased...

AlpacaYourThings Sun 13-Apr-14 00:41:41

YANBU, go for it! Nothing ventured and all that smile

TheRealJoanWarburton Sun 13-Apr-14 00:34:02

Do it.

SaucyJack Sun 13-Apr-14 00:15:51

Give it a go. My advice would be to be open-minded and don't get too hung up on someone having the perfectly witty profile or being exactly your "type".

I've found/been shown a few profiles of several blokes I know IRL- incl. former and current DPs- and none of them do them any justice tbh.

BillyBanter Sun 13-Apr-14 00:10:55

Give it a go. Be clear what you are after and not after but don't put 'I want to be married within the year'. That's not good.

Also depending on where you live meetup.com might be useful. It's not a dating site it's for arranging all sorts of social stuff like walks or practising your French.

MsVestibule Sun 13-Apr-14 00:08:15

I met DH on Match.com. I met five or six men before him and none of the dates were awkward. We'd normally have been emailing for a couple of weeks (don't think 'chat' was as much as a thing then) so we had an idea of each other's interests. If an hour into the date I knew it wasn't happening, I'd just say "Sorry, I don't really think there's any chemistry, is there?" and leave.

There are threads on Relationships about OD, you'll get good advice on there, too.

I've recently joined an online dating site. So far I've had 3 dates, none of them good experiences. I live in hope.
Do be prepared to be approached by wildly optimistic men who are 15 years (at least) older than the upper age limit you have specified. Also be prepared to communicate in text speak and be called babe and hun on your very first contact with someone.
One thing I have learned (from someone else) is never exchange phone numbers before you have met someone, always make sure someone you trust knows where you are going and who you are meeting and that they are prepared to rescue with a phonecall about a sudden family emergency just in case the persons online photo turns out to be from 1995 or actually is a photo of their much more attractive best friend.
I have also been given the following hints by a bloke on there that no profile photo = married/in a relationship/butt ugly and that blokes who only contact you in the daytime are either unemployed or can't contact you from home in the evening for obvious reasons.

antimatter Sun 13-Apr-14 00:04:54

You meet in a coffee shop for 1 hour max.
THis way you aren't stuck with someone horrible for a whole dinner or lunch.

I was looking at internet dating like that - I imagined that all of those guys were in a big buzzy pub. I bump into one of them and there's sligh chance that we have something in common. Statistically I need do meet many to find one who I find interesting (although possible it may be the very first one I bump into). I met one. We have being seeing each other for over 4 months. But I had many false starts grin

NCFTTB Sat 12-Apr-14 23:56:34

I've been on loads of dates where I've driven and it's been fine.

Hiphopopotamus Sat 12-Apr-14 23:49:35

Part of my issue is that I'm a recovering alcoholic which rules out meeting for a lovely inhibition lowering social lubricant drink! grin

MontyDonnsgirl Sat 12-Apr-14 23:46:42

And if you've got someone who is a "maybe"
Then don't reject them till you've snogged. Chemistry is a funny thing.

MontyDonnsgirl Sat 12-Apr-14 23:45:30

Another option is to read "how to find a husband after 35." I appreciate you're younger but it's excellent if scary, and a bit American bonkers!

MontyDonnsgirl Sat 12-Apr-14 23:44:28

Slightly. But if you just go for an hour, have a swift dri k and then leave if it's awful or stay a bit longer of they're ok, you'll be alright. They'll be as nervous as you. Smile, dress like you're meeting your grandad and be charming. It'll be fine.

Hiphopopotamus Sat 12-Apr-14 23:40:23

Thanks for the tips guys - looks like paid sites are definitely the way to go.

Did anyone find it awkward going on what is essentially a blind date?

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