To want a lie in ...?

(80 Posts)
Odaat Sat 12-Apr-14 07:01:00

Dh was away working last week. I was at home with dd watching her myself. I managed fine tbh, shes a good baby over all- though can be demanding/ strong willed. (Shes 1)

Dh went out in the evenings whilst away, drinking with his colleagues and then had to up at 630 for work. It was HIS choice to go out in the evenings.

This week he has been working from 10-5 ish and has been sleeping everyday until 9, save for monday when he got up with dd around 630.

Yesterday I was due another lie as I have been getting up with dd everyday and this week she is teething, so subsequently very hard work all day.

Yesterday morn dh convinced me to get up too with him at 6 with dd. I thought I may as well as I wont be going back off to sleep and it'll be a nice family morning.

So thats been 1 lie in so far in 2 weeks fore, whereas dh has been up at 9 all this week ( save for 2 days)

So this morn we agree he will get up with dd again as I didn't lie in yesterday and I am very tired out watching a teething moody baby all day.

This morn dd wakes and I have to argue with dh until he finally gets up with dd. He says im selfish and he's working why should he have to get up with dd. I normally wouldn't mind, but he admits its hard work with dd , plus he's been lying in until 9 this week and was away basically getting pissed with work last week!

AIBU to ask him to get up with dd a few times this week? Normally its just once a week, twice if I'm really shattered.

Sorry for all the excessive mundane info! I don't want to drip feed...

fairylightsintheloft Sat 12-Apr-14 07:17:07

Well without following quite all the detail and number of nights etc I would say in just general terms that you are a couple and uf you are shattered a caring partner allows you to get some sleep. Working out of home is not a reason to not parent. Dh and I ( we both teach) share the mornings and lie ins.starting point is one each on the weekend but if dh wants to watch the F1 and its on early he gets up both days. If he is particularly tired, I do. Often in that instance I go back to bed around 8-9 when he gets up (if the dcs will let me). Is that an option?

Cat98 Sat 12-Apr-14 07:20:28

Oh goodness. Dh works full time and I work part time but I have the majority of the weekend lie ins. He usually gets up with dc! I do pull my weight in other ways, honestly!
YANBU. I don't see why his working exempts him from getting up. You're working too!

summerlovingliz Sat 12-Apr-14 07:28:19

YANBU... Men can be very selfish!

Odaat Sat 12-Apr-14 07:32:35

His argument is I can go back to bed when dd naps... Which is bollocks as that when I have to tornado clean the house / get self ready and possibly even have a warm coffee, haha. Plus I physically cannot nap in the day. I have once or twice - but generally its impossible.

Polarn Sat 12-Apr-14 07:34:08

My oh works away too. 2 weeks at a time, I have 2 children on my own for that time..... When he gets back he lets me lie in most morns. YANBU.

estya Sat 12-Apr-14 07:35:43

6.30 is the lie in in this house. You are lucky.
But that aside, when you are both in the house, responsibilities should be spilt evenly.

fluffyraggies Sat 12-Apr-14 07:43:07

Yeah - this 'napping during the day' thing ...

I wish it wasn't made such a big deal of by various maternity souces: leaflets, NCT, antenatal, ect, as it's something that IMO is a pipedream in reality, and yet it seems to be often dragged out by the male partner in 'discussions' about who's doing what.

It's sad you're having to cajole him into looking after his own kids.

Pleasejustgo Sat 12-Apr-14 08:00:36

Napping during the day?

Ahahahahaha

YNBU

He is being an utter arse.

Studies have shown evidence that people who nap in the day are more likely to die from respiratory conditions and develop type II diabetes. May be something worth trotting out against the nap thing.

Sounds like you are getting a bum deal OP. DH and I both work (me PT), we each get one lie-in at the weekend, end of story. If for any reason one of us is broken (illness or exhaustion), we will sacrifice our rest for the other, but 99% of the time it's 50:50. Of course DD always seems to stay asleep until half 7 on his day and be up at 5 on mine but never mind.

Of course YANBU to need a rest. Tomorrow morning kick him out of bed and stay there until lunchtime!

ShabbyChic8 Sat 12-Apr-14 08:21:45

I think you need to talk to him and come up with a plan. DH and I always confirm who is getting up the following morning before we go to sleep, it does stop the 6am arguments.

A later work day one week shouldn't mean an automatic lie in for him, you should be able to share the benefit. It sounds like he thinks he's more deserving than you.

Euphemia Sat 12-Apr-14 08:26:36

I'd have been very angry with DH if he trotted out the clichés yours is coming out with: he works so he can't get up early, you can nap during the day.

When is your time off? Are you really expected to parent 24/7? Are you not entitled to a break, like him?

Time for a serious chat.

Longdistance Sat 12-Apr-14 08:39:44

It's an utter cop out. I took dd's away this week with a 5 hour drive to our destination that was fun and dh has been taking over with the girls since I got back. He had the easy task of going to work, and having a nice quiet time. Going to work is so much easier than staying at home with whingey children.

Yanbu, your dh is an arse. If he's home today, throw dd at him, walk out, and go do some shopping, see some friends, go for a drive. Just make sure you RUN!

Odaat Sat 12-Apr-14 09:15:38

He is good in lot of ways , this lie in crap is often an issue.
I think aswell i do a bit i work p/t too so its not like all i do is parent - but even so thats the hardest of all and he knows this and has admitted it!

I often cant go back to sleep once dd is up, but I like to lay in bed and read / go on MN etc etc

I think that annoys him too, as he sees it as I am not sleeping, but I am resting and having a break from the usual morning go go go routine... It doesn't help that all his bloody mates with kids do naff all, their women seem to be martyrs who do everything (but begrudge their fellas, which I often point out to dh)

I guess we cant win...

arethereanyleftatall Sat 12-Apr-14 09:24:06

yabu. Sorry but this is ridiculous. You look after 1 baby and he works. So, 7 days a week you get to go for walks, meet friends, go for lunch, watch TV, whatever floats your boat, whilst he works. Looking after 1 nt child is not hard work and it's ridiculous to suggest it is.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 12-Apr-14 09:26:19

They're not martyrs, they're just not taking the Piss out of their dhs.

Pleasejustgo Sat 12-Apr-14 09:28:02

Actually, arethereanyleftatall does have a point. grin

It is if you do it properly and don't let the TV parent them. It also depends on what sort of sleeper they are - my DD is approaching 3 and has not slept through a night in her life. As I do all the night-wakings, fucking right I'm having a lay-in. I work in a high-pressure, high-stress corporate job and let me tell you it stills feels like a holiday from looking after my two toddlers.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 12-Apr-14 11:25:22

I didn't mean the child watch TV, I meant the parent. I watched loads of movies whilst my babies slept on me, or they played independently.
My point was that yes, it is a 24-7 job, and yes, lieins are less, but you get a lot of time in the day to have a break in return.

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers Sat 12-Apr-14 11:29:45

Men get up and let women lie in? I've been doing this wrong the last 3 years then!

Not really - that sleeping on you period is fleeting, a few months max. I took my babies out and about to playgroups and classes, made all their food from scratch, kept my home nicely, made sure there was a meal for my DH when he got home, did several loads of laundry every day plus I had refluxy babies who spent all evening screaming. I emphatically did not have lots of time to myself and was so exhausted by the time I had two babies in quick succession I got very ill with pneumonia as I was so ground down from a lack of rest. Obviously having a small gap between babies didn't help, but I don't think my DH has it easier at work (and we work together so I know). Luckily he agrees so it's not a problem.

PlumProf Sat 12-Apr-14 11:37:16

arethereany it depends a lot on your child. I had one that was so easy I could have happily looked after 5 of them and not complained. And I had one where I wanted to die from exhaustion and frustration. Sleep deprivation is cumulative. It has a serious effect on anyone's MH. The OP is exhausted. I can't see that her DH has any understanding of that at all. He needs to let her rest.

I have had times working full time, and times at home with babies. I know which I found easier by a long, long margin.

YANBU and you need to explain clearly to your DH how you feel.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 12-Apr-14 11:54:51

Exactly it depends on the child. And op has said herself she has one easy baby. Not a child with reflux, or two close together.

Odaat Sat 12-Apr-14 14:33:34

Arethereanyatall :Whoooppdee do for you! Your the atypical martyr I detest ... I have been expecting you smile

Okay so firstly i fucking work in a job too. Secondly my dd barely napped as a baby and now never naps long enough for me to rest and watch a film (ha!?)

My dd is a good baby , but she is teething- and as a matter of fact she was a reflux baby until I weaned her.

I find your attitude quite distasteful , to be so hypercritical of me when I simply require more sleep ... My dh sleeps in until 8/ 9 everyday and finishes at 4/5 . To sugget i am taking the piss in expecting a lie in is ridiculous. I think you are clearly desperate to start a bun fight, it ain't happening in this post - sorry! Slag me off all you wish luv - its clear the majority are in my favour. I feel sorry for your husband by the way, having a martyr / perfectionist / critical wife must be fun.... NOT!

Odaat Sat 12-Apr-14 14:36:07

By the way i also hve pnd .... WhT are your veiws in that? Should I just middle in anyway as get exhausted once again ... All because my poor husband woks while I so around on my fat ass watching movies (hahahaha!? Wtf!?) and meating my mates for a coffee (that I never drink because I had to run around after my playful dd)

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