To not want to buy this child a present?

(61 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Fri 11-Apr-14 23:39:15

Dd used to be friends with x
X came to dds birthday party and brought a present as she attended her party.

Last year they did exchange presents but x gave dd something from home she already had and dd gave x something small. A token present basically.

X decided she was not dds friend a few weeks ago and took some of the birthday stuff her mum had bought away from dd making her empty folders and pencil case in class and making a big deal of getting other kids to tell dd she wasnt her friend.
Dd has been ignored by x for three weeks, spent lunch and play alone.

Today x brought dd a chocolate bar, dd was confused.
Five minutes later dd came over to me and said x said to tell you not to forget to bring her birthday present (its over easter) as we wont be in school.

The children are 11 but dd has sen.
Aibu to think its a bit rude?

rootypig Fri 11-Apr-14 23:42:06

YANBU, x sounds like a wee bully

What does DD want to do?

JillyPooper Fri 11-Apr-14 23:47:09

No.

If they are not friends at the moment absolutely no need to buy this girl a present

HolidayCriminal Fri 11-Apr-14 23:48:12

I guess I am on fence. I don't see X as horrid, just a greedy moody child.
Would you allow your Dd to spend her own pocket money to buy X a gift, as in a £2 box of chocolates type gift? And a home-made card?

WilsonFrickett Fri 11-Apr-14 23:51:24

She's after a birthday present. As the mother of child with SN, I'm sure you won't think me cheeky for pointing out that sometimes nt kids are really bad at social stuff too - she thinks if she's nice to dd for a couple of days she'll get a present. Things like this quite honestly give me hope that DS isn't quite as behind his peers as I thin he is, IYSWIM.

Don't sweat it, but don't buy a present.

moldingsunbeams Fri 11-Apr-14 23:52:40

Happy to do that holiday but child has made it clear to dd she is expecting a proper present.

Its clear to me shes only made friends again witb her in order to get a present.
Its more being told by an 11 year old child I HAVE to buy a present which has riled me tbh!

AlpacaYourThings Fri 11-Apr-14 23:54:05

YANBU.

I'm also really sad that your DD was alone for playtime and lunches because of X.

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 11-Apr-14 23:54:08

Is there a party involved? If not then there's no need for a present. Maybe a card but TBH I wouldn't even bother wiyh that.

moldingsunbeams Fri 11-Apr-14 23:54:13

Xpost Wilson, thanks, me too.

BrianTheMole Fri 11-Apr-14 23:54:23

No way. What does dd want?

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 11-Apr-14 23:54:32

Is there a party involved? If not then there's no need for a present. Maybe a card but TBH I wouldn't even bother wiyh that.

moldingsunbeams Fri 11-Apr-14 23:54:48

No party.

EuroMaidan Fri 11-Apr-14 23:56:56
rootypig Fri 11-Apr-14 23:58:05

I'm a bit more alarmed than other posters about X taking things back from your DD in class, and getting other kids involved. I was bullied so may well be reading too much into it - but I would keep an calm eye on it.

AlpacaYourThings Fri 11-Apr-14 23:58:52

Not a chance she would get a present from me. It would be like rewarding manipulative behaviour.

Goldmandra Sat 12-Apr-14 00:02:56

X decided she was not dds friend a few weeks ago and took some of the birthday stuff her mum had bought away from dd making her empty folders and pencil case in class

I'm not sure I've understood this right. She gave your DD presents then took them back from her in class, backed up by other children?

elahrairahforprimeminister Sat 12-Apr-14 00:04:39

So she took back the presents she gave to your DD but wants a present in return?

confused

Er, no.

This child needs to learn not to be so nasty.

The only gift she needs is a book on manners and decent behaviour.

Sharaluck Sat 12-Apr-14 00:05:13

I would ignore the present request.

I would speak to the teacher re the taking back of presents hmm that is bullying imo.

Aventurine Sat 12-Apr-14 00:11:35

The other girl sounds like a bit of a bully. No, don't buy a present as she will then think she can manipulate your dd in any way she likes. Your poor dd. Could you ask the teacher to keep an eye on things and perhaps arrange for one or two girls to buddy up with her at playtime?

moldingsunbeams Sat 12-Apr-14 00:12:21

Yep x mum gave dd presents for her birthday.

A week later x came into school on the Monday, on the Friday they had been chatting on the way out, no issues at all, Monday she got two other children to tell dd she was not her friend, refused to sit next to dd in class and made an urghhh noise when another child invited dd to sit on table at lunch rather than alone as x was at same table.
X then told dd to give her back some of the things mum had bought dd.

elahrairahforprimeminister Sat 12-Apr-14 00:14:21

Then DO NOT buy her a fucking gift!

angry

I am livid on behalf of your DD.

moldingsunbeams Sat 12-Apr-14 00:15:43

I spoke to the teacher, basically they said dd causes friction because she only wants to play on a one to one basis and would rather play alone than in a group so wont play with who x tells her and will walk away if theres a group...

rootypig Sat 12-Apr-14 00:17:22

No present, let their teacher know what's been going on, and support DD to stick up for herself in the way she prefers, be it quietly going about her business, talking to X, you talking to X's parents. I would use the money you would have spent to buy Euro's book recommendation, and give DD some ideas based on that.

You haven't said how DD feels / is - would be interested to hear

rootypig Sat 12-Apr-14 00:18:19

sorry OP, cross post

teacher sounds as though she is seriously misreading the situation

echt Sat 12-Apr-14 00:20:06

What did the teacher have to say about the public taking back of presents? No matter what your DD does or does not do, this is bullying.

When I started to read this, I thought that the children might 7 or 8, but 11! The bullying child is old enough to know exactly what she's doing.

No present for the bully, but be prepared for comeback

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