To think these two 'friends' are both taking the pee?

(11 Posts)
giannna Fri 04-Apr-14 18:51:30

Firstly, I was speaking to a friend last night via skype chat. This friend is someone who sent me a message about a week ago absolutely up in arms about someone who had upset a mutual friend of ours. I've had a difficult week and mentioned to the friend last night about something that has happened to me this week. Friend totally changed the subject and acted as though I hadn't said it. She always does if I speak about me in any capacity, yet she'll happily sit there and talk about others and "oh dear poor old Friend A is having such a hard time at the moment", that kind of thing.

Secondly, today I saw a friend at school pick up that is quite hard to actually pin down to commit to a meet up. When I saw her at the school today she asked if I was busy during the holidays. I said that it would be nice to meet up at some point so that our DCs can play together and we could have a chat(they are good friends). She said, in her usual vague style "Hmmm, we've got a lot on. Oh hold on, on X date we are going round to Lucy's house. I could drop DD off at yours then". Lucy is a mutual friend! So effectively rather than fit me into her schedule, she wants to use me as an unpaid childminder. She always seems to be able to make plans with others no problem and only makes them with me when she wants a favour. I said something along the lines of "Erm, I was actually thinking it'd be nice for US to catch up too, but as you're so busy during the holidays lets leave it for now", and then made my excuses and left.

AIBU to be peed off with both friends and want to not bother with either again?

MooncupMadness Fri 04-Apr-14 19:02:06

YANBU. There may be all sorts of reasons why they are the way they are and no doubt someone will be along to 'helpfully' suggest that you are somehow putting them off/not friendly etc., etc.

The short answer is that you need to find some new friends. It's very rude to behave the way they are but unfortunately it sounds as if you are more invested in the friendships than they are. I would just stop contacting them. If you see them in the playground then give a brief nod and polite smile but don't stop or say anything. If you don't hear anything from them, then there's your answer.

It sucks and it hurts but hey, life's to short to spend it with selfish arseholes who don't care about you.

Hedgehogparty Fri 04-Apr-14 19:05:32

If this is what they are always like, then it doesn't sound great. I'd distance myself and focus on people who are most pleasant to be around

Maverick66 Fri 04-Apr-14 19:09:26

Exactly what Mooncup says.

Life is hard and friendships complex. Some of us are givers and some of us are takers . This kind of thing happens Dd (21) all the time. I just can't understand the nastiness of some women. Dd has no dc but her friends never seem to want to do anything she suggests and just use her when it suits them. sad

I would let the friendships drift.

Friend B sounds an utter cow who is happy to use you for her own ends.

cankles Fri 04-Apr-14 19:14:20

yanbu, one of them sounds like she just wants a gossip and is a gossip and the other is manipulative and suits herself (I have a friend like this and fall for it every time!). As the others have said time to find some new friends x

giannna Fri 04-Apr-14 19:15:43

Thank you everyone; I plan to let both friendships just drift.

Thinking about it, the second friend does only want to see me when she wants a favour. She is happy to contact me to ask me to pick her child up from school, rather than any other friends, but any contact we have is based around a favour. She is also hot and cold and a bit abrupt in texts at times.

The first friend seems to put people on a pedestal and treat them with great respect, and unfortunately I am just good old giannna whom she doesn't consider worthy enough to go on a pedestal. Fortunately she lives in a different country to me at the moment, so I don't have to see her regularly so can just ignore her when she pops up on Skype, and can ignore her texts

cithkadston Fri 04-Apr-14 21:18:40

You're doing the right thing in letting the friendships drift. They don't sound worth bothering with.

Mimishimi Fri 04-Apr-14 23:09:26

YANBU but Friend B sounds worse than Friend A. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit sensitive about how these type of 'playdate' requests come like clockwork around holiday time and how put out the askers are when you tell them you have something else on/not available .grin

giannna Fri 04-Apr-14 23:36:09

She seemed very put out when I said no to her, but she's such a cheeky cow.

MexicanSpringtime Fri 04-Apr-14 23:38:04

I lived in a big city when my daughter was small and she could only play with friends if I was friends with the mother. I ended up moving to a much smaller city so that she could just go out to play her friends without it depending on how well I was getting on with the mother at the time.

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