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AIBU?

To not want to share my son on my birthday!

92 replies

TeresaGreene · 04/04/2014 13:29

Basically, I do not get on with my ex partners wife. I initially made an effort with her as I wanted to get on with her for the sake of my son who sees his dad twice a week. She however has always had a problem with me, has tried to intimidate me by sending horrid text messages and has caused problems between myself and my ex partner. Anyway, the thing is that unfortunately we both share the same birthday and my ex has been in touch asking if ds can go out for a meal for her birthday in evening. I would really like to spend my whole birthday with my son and my family. AIBU to not want to share my son on my birthday? Please help as I don't want to be horrible or cause more problems but I do find it hard to stick up for myself against them.

OP posts:

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CloverHeart · 04/04/2014 13:31

Not at all! You are his mother, not her, and he should celebrate his mums birthday with his mum! You!

Just be firm with them and tell them you already have set plans. If she doesn't like it then tough shit. Not her child.

LadyRabbit · 04/04/2014 13:33

How old is your DS OP?
Does your birthday fall on one of the usual days your Ex has him?
My gut says no way, YANBU at all. But maybe when your DS is older you could do bdays where he spends lunch or dinner with them and vice versa with you. She's not his mum, so I think your birthday takes precedence.

CeliaFate · 04/04/2014 13:34

Text back saying sorry but you've got plans to spend the day with your son, but he can go out with them on the weekend.

TheAwfulDaughter · 04/04/2014 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

wonderingsoul · 04/04/2014 13:35

how old is he?

i would say, no unfortunalty you have something planned all ready. and than wish her a good birthday.

gordyslovesheep · 04/04/2014 13:36

what does your SON want? I think that is the most important bit

CoffeeTea103 · 04/04/2014 13:36

Yanbu, you shouldn't have to compromise on this. You're his mum and your birthday takes precedence. Just say you have plans. Is this going to be an every year thing?

Comeatmefam · 04/04/2014 13:37

But it's not about you, or your ex or your ex's wife.

It's about your son.

Your OP 'I don't want to share my son on his birthday' makes me flinch.

Wouldn't he want to see both his parents on his birthday?

Surely you can have a lovely time on your/his birthday then he can have a lovely time with his dad.

ChelworthBrond · 04/04/2014 13:37

But it is also his child and he wants to spend some of the child's birthday together. Two people make a child and no one has a monopoly on seeing the child on special days.

Comeatmefam · 04/04/2014 13:37

Wow totally misread your OP, apologies. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/04/2014 13:38

Comeatme you've misread. It's the ops birthday not her son's.

MrsAmaretto · 04/04/2014 13:39

It's the mums birthday not the sons.

And no yanbu, just say you've made plans.

TeresaGreene · 04/04/2014 13:39

My ds is 8 and I admit that he enjoys spending time with his dad and step-mum (not surprising really as they spoil him rotten!) I fully admit that I wouldn't mind him seeing her on her birthday if she wasn't so horrible to me. I don't know what her problem is as I had separated fully from exdp years before they met and I have always got on with his previous girlfriends. There is just no need for her hostility.

OP posts:

ChelworthBrond · 04/04/2014 13:39

That makes more sense then. I missed that too. F* her I say!

maddening · 04/04/2014 13:40

Yanbu op - why does ber bday require the presence of your son !

TeresaGreene · 04/04/2014 13:42

Am glad none of you think I'm unreasonable - I will stand firm on this occasion. Your advice is much appreciated.

OP posts:

MelanieCheeks · 04/04/2014 13:44

You wouldn't mind if she wasn't so horrible to you. So you're witholding something from her as a sort of punishment?

I think a compromise would be better all round, rather than digging your heels in over this one.

PerhapsNot · 04/04/2014 13:45

Who would normally have him on the day in question. I would probably just stick to the existing arrangement and work around it.

If it would normally be their day I would let them get on with it and would budge my birthday celebrations to another day. That wouldn't bother me at all

Lilaclily · 04/04/2014 13:47

Ah this thread makes me sad

Comments like

TeresaGreene · 04/04/2014 13:48

I guess I am Melanie I'm just worn out having to be the grown up all the time and having to ignore her behaviour.

OP posts:

Lilaclily · 04/04/2014 13:49

why does ber bday require the presence of your son !

Because he's part of her family too!
Your ex is welcoming your son into his new family life
Can't see why ge can't spend the day with you & celebrate her birthday in the evening

gordyslovesheep · 04/04/2014 13:53

I think YABU for the record - he likes her - it's her birthday - they want to include him - I think that's fair

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needaholidaynow · 04/04/2014 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeverleyMoss · 04/04/2014 13:55

It's your birthday and he's your son, that trumps her birthday IMO.

I think it's a bit curious to want to see one's stepson on your birthday, when you know it's his mother's birthday also. She can celebrate her birthday all over again with him on his next visit as it means that much to her.

That's what you have to do when you have RP/NRP situations sometimes, replay birthdays, christmas dinners etc.

Lilaclily · 04/04/2014 13:55

If this was posted on the step mothers thread
'my partners ex won't let my step son come to dinner on my birthday' the responses would be entirely different

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