To not want to share my son on my birthday!

(93 Posts)
TeresaGreene Fri 04-Apr-14 13:29:26

Basically, I do not get on with my ex partners wife. I initially made an effort with her as I wanted to get on with her for the sake of my son who sees his dad twice a week. She however has always had a problem with me, has tried to intimidate me by sending horrid text messages and has caused problems between myself and my ex partner. Anyway, the thing is that unfortunately we both share the same birthday and my ex has been in touch asking if ds can go out for a meal for her birthday in evening. I would really like to spend my whole birthday with my son and my family. AIBU to not want to share my son on my birthday? Please help as I don't want to be horrible or cause more problems but I do find it hard to stick up for myself against them.

CloverHeart Fri 04-Apr-14 13:31:31

Not at all! You are his mother, not her, and he should celebrate his mums birthday with his mum! You!

Just be firm with them and tell them you already have set plans. If she doesn't like it then tough shit. Not her child.

LadyRabbit Fri 04-Apr-14 13:33:59

How old is your DS OP?
Does your birthday fall on one of the usual days your Ex has him?
My gut says no way, YANBU at all. But maybe when your DS is older you could do bdays where he spends lunch or dinner with them and vice versa with you. She's not his mum, so I think your birthday takes precedence.

CeliaFate Fri 04-Apr-14 13:34:14

Text back saying sorry but you've got plans to spend the day with your son, but he can go out with them on the weekend.

TheAwfulDaughter Fri 04-Apr-14 13:35:08

A bit knee jerk from me- but if you're doing the brunt of the care then I think it would be completely unfair to have to share your son on a 'nice' day. I don't know how involved your ex is, but if you're usually the one cleaning up DS' sick and cooking his tea, it would be an absolute shame to lose him on one of the few celebration days of the year.

wonderingsoul Fri 04-Apr-14 13:35:53

how old is he?

i would say, no unfortunalty you have something planned all ready. and than wish her a good birthday.

gordyslovesheep Fri 04-Apr-14 13:36:35

what does your SON want? I think that is the most important bit

CoffeeTea103 Fri 04-Apr-14 13:36:43

Yanbu, you shouldn't have to compromise on this. You're his mum and your birthday takes precedence. Just say you have plans. Is this going to be an every year thing?

Comeatmefam Fri 04-Apr-14 13:37:00

But it's not about you, or your ex or your ex's wife.

It's about your son.

Your OP 'I don't want to share my son on his birthday' makes me flinch.

Wouldn't he want to see both his parents on his birthday?

Surely you can have a lovely time on your/his birthday then he can have a lovely time with his dad.

ChelworthBrond Fri 04-Apr-14 13:37:28

But it is also his child and he wants to spend some of the child's birthday together. Two people make a child and no one has a monopoly on seeing the child on special days.

Comeatmefam Fri 04-Apr-14 13:37:30

Wow totally misread your OP, apologies. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 04-Apr-14 13:38:37

Comeatme you've misread. It's the ops birthday not her son's.

MrsAmaretto Fri 04-Apr-14 13:39:34

It's the mums birthday not the sons.

And no yanbu, just say you've made plans.

TeresaGreene Fri 04-Apr-14 13:39:42

My ds is 8 and I admit that he enjoys spending time with his dad and step-mum (not surprising really as they spoil him rotten!) I fully admit that I wouldn't mind him seeing her on her birthday if she wasn't so horrible to me. I don't know what her problem is as I had separated fully from exdp years before they met and I have always got on with his previous girlfriends. There is just no need for her hostility.

ChelworthBrond Fri 04-Apr-14 13:39:51

That makes more sense then. I missed that too. F* her I say!

maddening Fri 04-Apr-14 13:40:37

Yanbu op - why does ber bday require the presence of your son !

TeresaGreene Fri 04-Apr-14 13:42:24

Am glad none of you think I'm unreasonable - I will stand firm on this occasion. Your advice is much appreciated.

You wouldn't mind if she wasn't so horrible to you. So you're witholding something from her as a sort of punishment?

I think a compromise would be better all round, rather than digging your heels in over this one.

PerhapsNot Fri 04-Apr-14 13:45:47

Who would normally have him on the day in question. I would probably just stick to the existing arrangement and work around it.

If it would normally be their day I would let them get on with it and would budge my birthday celebrations to another day. That wouldn't bother me at all confused

Lilaclily Fri 04-Apr-14 13:47:39

Ah this thread makes me sad

Comments like

TeresaGreene Fri 04-Apr-14 13:48:52

I guess I am Melanie I'm just worn out having to be the grown up all the time and having to ignore her behaviour.

Lilaclily Fri 04-Apr-14 13:49:01

why does ber bday require the presence of your son !

Because he's part of her family too!
Your ex is welcoming your son into his new family life
Can't see why ge can't spend the day with you & celebrate her birthday in the evening

gordyslovesheep Fri 04-Apr-14 13:53:06

I think YABU for the record - he likes her - it's her birthday - they want to include him - I think that's fair

needaholidaynow Fri 04-Apr-14 13:55:12

YANBU! She's NOT his mum. You are!

If it was my birthday on the same day as DSD's mum's, I wouldn't expect DSD to be with us and I wouldn't expect DP to push for it.

BeverleyMoss Fri 04-Apr-14 13:55:32

It's your birthday and he's your son, that trumps her birthday IMO.

I think it's a bit curious to want to see one's stepson on your birthday, when you know it's his mother's birthday also. She can celebrate her birthday all over again with him on his next visit as it means that much to her.

That's what you have to do when you have RP/NRP situations sometimes, replay birthdays, christmas dinners etc.

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