Not being invited to a birthday party

(69 Posts)
fmpc Thu 03-Apr-14 16:45:14

This is my first post on mumsnet and not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not and the kids involved are 7 year olds in case that's relevant

Asked a mother this afternoon if her dc would come home after school with mine tomorrow for a playdate to be met with a look of confusion 'but it's X's birthday party tomorrow' surely my dc is going as well. This was the first I'd heard of it, so obviously not invited. The other mother then got a bit confused/embarrassed about it and said herself that it's supposed to be a football party out on the green in front of X's house. I just answered that sure X and my son aren't major friends anyway.

Now normally I wouldn't expect my kids to be invited to all the birthday partys going. But the reason the other mother obviously felt awkward and that I'm a bit taken aback is that X and my dc are the only kids in their class living on our road and the green they're going to have the party on is right outside both our houses where all the kids play

So basically tomorrow my son is going to have to be kept in all afternoon and he'll be able to see why himself or if I let him outside which is where he always wants to be, he'll have full view of all his classmates playing together with the party and him being very obviously excluded

So whereas I don't expect all kids to be automatically be included I do think it's a bit much to basically rub my dc's nose in it

btw I'm not going to say anything to anyone but aibu ?

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Apr-14 16:49:50

In your shoes I would be asking yourself what could I possibly have done to piss my neighbour off so much that they were taking it out on me by not inviting my kid to a party.

Are you sure the invitation has not got lost in book bag? I which case you will be marked down as one of those dreadful people who do not reply!

Can you take DS out somewhere instead - the park or a soft play?

MOTU Thu 03-Apr-14 16:50:51

Presuming you son hadn't been systematically bullying the other child if say yanbu. Normally I think people are being a bit precious when their dc aren't invited to parties but in this case it should be obvious to the paren that this is thoughtless. Why don you take him somewhere lovely a a treat straight from school, maybe swimming and junk food tea?

MOTU Thu 03-Apr-14 16:52:04

Sorry for typos, iPhone typing while breast feeding wiggly baby!

ILoveWooly Thu 03-Apr-14 16:56:15

Your poor DS. I agree with the others, if it is at all possible I would take him out for an end of term treat after school.

ZenGardener Thu 03-Apr-14 16:58:01

I was also wondering if it was a case of a lost invitation.

Otherwise it seems very strange if you can think of no reason.

cakeymccakington Thu 03-Apr-14 16:58:57

are you SURE he wasn't invited?

invites do go missing sometimes, i've been on both sides of that

BackforGood Thu 03-Apr-14 16:59:37

Also assuming your ds gets on fine with the other child - I would suspect that the invitation has got lost somewhere en-route

fmpc Thu 03-Apr-14 18:05:46

All invites are done by texts to parents so no chance of it being lost

The two of them wouldn't really hang around with one another but there's being no fallout between them. X if anything looks down on my dc a bit as he's the older and bigger of the two.

Of all my dc, this particular kid is the gentlest and wouldn't hurt a fly and am pretty sure has done nothing to the other one. Also, X's mother has no hesitation in telling other parents when she isn't happy with their kids behaviour, so pretty sure I would have heard if mine had done anything he shouldn't

Wish I could bring him off tomorrow, but unfortunately had arranged to have friends over for my other kids, so have a houseful and can't really go off

I'd love to see the reaction if it was my kid having the party, but to be honest I wouldn't be able to do that to another kid

At least I know I'm nbu

TeaAndALemonTart Thu 03-Apr-14 18:23:54

Why will your son need to be kept in?

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 03-Apr-14 18:27:13

From your post, it sounds like you don't really get on with the birthday boy's mother - could this be the case ?

ramonaquimby Thu 03-Apr-14 18:27:14

but if the boys don't really hang out together, why would you expect your son to be invited? Shame it's in front of the houses - but there has to be a cut off at some point.

There seem to be lots of birthday invitation angst posts on MN - I don't remember any of this when my kids were younger! youngest is now 8.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 03-Apr-14 18:30:12

maybe you could pretend you did not know about the party and invite the bitrthday boy over to play and watch the mother squirm.

blanchedeveraux Thu 03-Apr-14 18:31:41

It's always a bit upsetting when you feel your DC has been excluded but I don't think anyone should feel compelled to invite children just out of social convention or for fear of offending the mother. Most times the DCs don't even bother about it, the parents get all angsty though.

I don't think this woman has really done anything wrong if I'm honest.

thebody Thu 03-Apr-14 18:33:13

well I wouldn't keep him in! he orobably won't be anywhere near as bothered as you op and I agree it is mean.

is there any other kid who hadn't been invited that you could ask round to play or a friends kid who doesn't go to the same school?

fuckwitteryhasform Thu 03-Apr-14 18:33:58

I think you should tell ur friend what has happened and arrange to go out as its not very nice for your son otherwise

HolidayCriminal Thu 03-Apr-14 19:06:07

I think I'd be planning to go out instead, all that afternoon.

fmpc Thu 03-Apr-14 19:08:47

Actually do get on with the mother, our older kids are friends, my point was that if my kid had done anything to hers, she would have no hesitation in telling me.

Reason he would have to be kept in, is that the party will end up taking over more or less the whole green and that is where my dc would go to play. There is nowhere else for him to play

I know he would want to join in the fun. In the past when he's had friends over he has always invited X to join them (which he does) however, when X has friends over he would normally tell my kid to go away, that he's the one with the friend today, so am pretty sure he'd chase my son away and to be honest I don't want my son hanging around a party which he hasn't been invited to

I actually don't expect my son to be invited to every party, it's just that I feel that this is rubbing his nose in it. All his friends will be right outside our house playing and he will be very obviously excluded. I just wouldn't do it to another kid

Anyway, nice to know that some people don't think I'm being unreasonable, Thanks

fmpc Thu 03-Apr-14 19:10:20

and unfortunately can't go out as my older kids all have friends coming over and haven't got that big a car

CeliaFate Thu 03-Apr-14 19:21:01

I would, in this instance, ask the mother why he's not invited in case he's done something to upset her dc and it's not just her being a bitch.

Perfectly politely, "Oh hi, I gather it's X's party tomorrow. As ds isn't invited, I hope it's nothing he's done to offend you?"

And see what she says.

alseb Thu 03-Apr-14 19:22:59

I would try to cancel the friends coming over for your older children and go out as a family before the party. I have had experience of this before, my heart was aching for my daughter in similar circumstances. I accept that not every child can go to every party but I really feel for you. Do not let them see your son in the house. Go out and give him a treat.

BarbarianMum Thu 03-Apr-14 19:24:48

I don't think it's usual to invite a child to a party just because they live on the same road, and you've said yourself that they are not really friends. Just explain the situation to your ds.

thebody Thu 03-Apr-14 19:25:03

agree op it's nasty and can't imagine any nice mum doing this

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Apr-14 19:28:29

If the party is on shared public ground, they can't stop others wanting to use it. Surely there are other kiddies in the street who are not invited, who will want to be playing out on the grass or riding bikes around if the weather is nice? Your son has every right to be out there. But if he will be devastated by knowing there is a party and he was not invited, it's hard to know what to do. I assume there are others in his class not going, he is not the only one left out?

CoffeeTea103 Thu 03-Apr-14 19:29:06

I don't see why kids who don't usually get together or are not really friends are then expected to be invited to parties. It just happens to be on your street. Im sure the mum is hardly thinking 'let me rub her nose in it'. She probably isn't thinking of you at all. Yabu

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