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AIBU?

Childcare shouldn't just be my responsibility to organise, right?

21 replies

Sulis · 27/03/2014 18:17

My DH is fab, he really is. Does loads. He's worked full time forever. I've worked part time self-employed - just a few hours a month - in the past and have just gone back to part time employment - 15 hours a week. Guess who gets to go to work each day without considering anything else at home and who has to organise the childcare for each of her shifts? I don't want this to become a source of resentment between us, but it really is frustrating. AIBU?

OP posts:

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brettgirl2 · 27/03/2014 18:24

yanbu it is a joint responsibility

Forgettable · 27/03/2014 18:24

Yanbu

formerbabe · 27/03/2014 18:25

Yanbu...but this is the case for many if not most women. I don't work at the mo. but I know if I did, my dh would leave the organising of childcare to me...likewise school applications, doctors appointments, kids parties...need I go on!

Sulis · 27/03/2014 18:28

You're so right, Former! Even with fab DHs, it's still us who have to consider it all. It only drives me to distraction a few days per month but on those days, it really does make me mad. I'm the one ringing my parents and his parents and nagging him to swap days off so all my shifts are covered. I've half a mind to leave it one month and just see what happens...see if he bothers to check what days I'm working and organise the childcare.

WIBU to organise childcare but not tell him and then when I get up to go to work one morning ask him who's having the kids that day?

OP posts:

MyNameIsKenAdams · 27/03/2014 18:30

Hmm...im not sure. DH and I use a CM and we jointly picked one. However he works 9-5 mon-fri and I work erratic (ft) shifts across seven days.

I give the CM my shifts to book dd in. Ive never once thought to ask dh to do it, as its my work she needs to fit around, not dhs.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/03/2014 18:35

Your dh is fab.
I hate all this its just as much his responsibility crap.
Do you honestly take on 50% of everything to do with running your home or are there some things that your dh does solely?
Mine does quite a lot of lifting and the heavier gardening, DIY, house maintenance etc. I don't really do much of this, certainly not 50/50.
I really don't get all this at all.

GertTheFlirt · 27/03/2014 18:38

He has the FT job, you have the PT job. Its your responsibility by virtue that you have more time to organise

One person has to take over all control of house hold and family management, it may as well be you as you have the spare time

BackforGood · 27/03/2014 18:39

I think it's reasonable that you organise the childcare, if you are the one working odd shits rather than a regular day or days each week, otherwise, you'd just be having to tell him what you are working in order for him to tell your childcare - seems to just be adding another layer to me. Can't see the point in that.

Iggi101 · 27/03/2014 18:40

I deliberately chose childcare that would make it more sensible for dh to do the drop offs than for me to do them. I do loads to get their stuff ready but I know he will get involved as I leave before him. Have a feeling if it was the other way around he would just run out the door.
There isn't actually anything in our household that dh takes on a greater share of than me maybe mess-making

Sulis · 27/03/2014 18:42

Spare time???? splutters OMG! I have four home educated kids!

I think really I should have over-all control over household and family management because I'm just much better at it

I'm only narky about it because I've got PMT - he doens't not do it because he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't do it because it doesn't occur to him to do it and because he's utterly shite at prioritising and managing his time. A tidying up job that would take me five minutes takes him at least half an hour, for instance. Sigh. Just feeling sorry for myself I think!

OP posts:

GertTheFlirt · 27/03/2014 18:44

You're the S@HP! (PT)

5madthings · 27/03/2014 18:46

Yanbu it's that you have been the default childcare provider so the assumption is you will sort it.

They are both your children and he needs the childcare as well so yes he can help organise it. It sounds a bit ad hoc? Maybe if you sit down together and draw up a plan/Rota?

figgieroll · 27/03/2014 18:47

Can you split the week. Tell him you will organise childcare for the days you work and he can organise it the other two days

Rauma · 27/03/2014 18:48

YABU IMO he has steady hours and won't know your working hours, so you are best place to organise it.

Nocomet · 27/03/2014 18:51

You know full well, pigs will fly before men sort child care, find baby sitters or know where their own clean clothes are, let alone the kids.

I've long ago learnt to write detailed list of when DDs need to be places.

GertTheFlirt · 27/03/2014 18:53

You know full well, pigs will fly before men sort child care, find baby sitters or know where their own clean clothes are, let alone the kids.

Err in our house 95% of that shit falls to DH - he wanted kids, he damned well organises them. And he works FT.

OddBoots · 27/03/2014 18:57

No, it shouldn't automatically be the mother's job to sort childcare but it is one of those jobs that works better if one person takes overall responsibility for it otherwise there is the risk of double booking or falling between the cracks. I take overall charge of it with ours but sometimes that means me saying to dh that I've sorted x and y but could he sort z then let me know what he's sorted.

justmyview · 27/03/2014 19:01

If you work shifts, then I think it's fair enough you organise childcare as you know when it'll be required

upyourninja · 27/03/2014 19:06

I think YABU (a bit). Your shifts change and you know what you need to do. It would be harder for your DH to arrange and he is at work more of the time so has less time to organise.

I say that as a person who does believe in sharing out household tasks as much as possible. I work PT and have to organise much more childcare than DH as he is military and has no schedule at all - reports at all hours if the day and night and us just as likely to be working weekends, several days or weeks away, and changing all the time. If we both worked normal full time jobs I would not consider myself the default 'go to' parent in a childcare emergency.

helenafalco · 27/03/2014 19:32

Seriously sorting out clean clothes for a grown man? Why??

Iggi101 · 27/03/2014 19:48

Women tend to organise the first lot of childcare while on ML and it just sort of goes on from there.

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