T consider stopping dd going on her school trip tomorrow because of her behaviour?

(32 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Thu 27-Mar-14 09:30:38

Last few weeks hormones have truly hit.shes 11, before she has been very good tbh.

Complete attitude
rude
snapping at me all the time
our house is crap
her massive bedroom is crap
she TOLD me she was going to the disco on Friday rather than asking if she could please have the money to go.
Shes lying to me
twice in a week shes made comments about me taking her money , the latest being 'this is my card YOU cant take my money' (she has not got any bloody money and I dont take it) she owes ME loads.

Ive taken her tablet for the week, she doesnt care
shes been sent to bed after tea she doesnt care
Shes pissed of at me because I didnt bail her out about her homework and made her tell teacher she hadnt done it.

I dread her coming home tbh, I am not well at all and lived on egg shells with ex and feel like that again.

I dont see why I should stump up 20 quid and spending money for a treat when shes behaving like this.

CeliaFate Thu 27-Mar-14 10:51:57

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I totally agree. Be understanding, but don't let it excuse her awful behaviour.
We all feel like telling the world to fuck off at times, but we need someone to reign us in when our behaviour is unreasonable.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 11:09:26

Yes, I agree with SDTG as well.

I have a 12 year old DD. I do understand, I am there with hugs and chats, I do remember what it was like. I pick my battles and dole out hugs. We talk, I reassure her, but it's not carte blanche to behave appallingly.

It can be awful, one minute we're laughing at a silly video on youtube, the next she's a rude yelling banshee.

I'm not prepared to put up with being screamed at to shut up and a door slammed in my face, it's unacceptable behaviour

I am understanding, I stay calm, I don't shout or get drawn into yelling matches, but at the same time there are sanctions and boundaries.

I've put a comfy chair in the spare room with a pile of books, where she can go and chill out. She's getting better at recognising when she's going to blow a gasket and takes herself off up there.

She usually comes and finds me after and apologises and we have a big cuddle

I wouldn't cancel the school trip tomorrow as it's school-related but I do confiscate tablets and mobile phones, ground her, etc (although I'm not entirely sure who's being punished most when she's grounded grin.

It's tough, for her and us, I'm doing my best to help her, but I'm not going to be her emotional punch bag for the next few years either

There were times I wasn't sure we would get to ds3's 17th birthday, without him ending up under the patio - but the odds look good now (it's the end of April, so not long to go).

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 11:24:38

grin my Mum always says it's a wonder I made it to my 18th. She's being very smug right now wink

It's a tough age for them - hormones, starting high school, DD was very anxious this time last year when we got her high school allocation through and the realisation hit her that her last term at primary school was rapidly approaching, issues with friends, she worried about SATs, she's finding all the changes to her body quite hard to deal with - she's growing up and she doesn't like it.

It all seems to come at once -we used to have middle schools here which I much prefer as it seemed to make it all a little bit easier and gentler to for them.

I understand all that, I really do. I'm still not going to be called an idiot or screamed at to shut up, she's not allowed to take it out on her younger sister and generally behave appallingly. There are boundaries and punishments along with the hugs, chocolate and chats

Menolly Thu 27-Mar-14 12:03:17

What is the trip? if its linked to what they are doing at school then YABVU.

I can remember going through a stage of saying my mum was taking my money when i was about 11/12, Mum's response was to stop giving me anything I hadn't earned, so if I wanted food bought with her money, or to use the electricity or hot water then I had to help round the house and earn enough to cover it and if I wanted money for anything else I had to work for it, after a week or so of this and having to weed my grandmothers garden to earn enough for the school disco (including paying Dad petrol money to get there) I agreed that being nice to mum and sharing was much easier than worrying about money and decided to stop the 'my money' thing. (I don't think Mum would have actually let me starve but watching her eat her dinner was enough to worry me, she fed me an hour later)

Buckteethjeff Thu 27-Mar-14 12:05:44

op if it's educational let her go.

I did stop dd1 gong on a trip to Alton towers once, even though I'd paid for it due to bad behaviour. I had to follow through with it. I felt rotten when they went with out her but it as her own fault.

Nocomet Thu 27-Mar-14 12:22:11

The best cure for preteen horribleness comes in X parts

1) ignore
2) Short sharp (go to your room now) type responses to what can't be ignored
3) listening (talking) and Hugs
4) as much choice, freedom and grown up responsibility as you dare give them.

4) is hard, but vital. Many schools know this and give Y6's jobs and responsibilities. Many of these jobs are quite fun, they get you out of lessons for 10 minutes or to mess about with the reception DCs.

Home needs to replicate this, fun cooking, choosing a day out, walking to the sweet shop. Being left at home for 30 minutes.

Never just you're old enough to (wash up, tidy your room, do your HW). They know this, but

5) sometimes growing up is scary, they don't want to do SATs, they don't want to go to secondary school. Sometimes they just have to curse you, the world and their bedroom walls.

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