To get upset over meeting with DS's teacher today

(84 Posts)
caramellokoalalover Wed 26-Mar-14 13:21:41

DS's reception teacher asked to speak to me today about DS (5). Apparently a few weeks ago a parent complained to the school that DS had taught their child to say 'silly bastard'. School gave DS benefit of the doubt, not having overheard anything themselves, said nothing to me, and gave the whole school a talk about not using bad language.
Parents went into school on Monday and said they had witnessed my DS telling their child at a birthday party on Saturday to say 'silly bastard'. Teacher has told me they need to take it up with DS and inform me what's happening.
Feel so upset by it all. AIBU to get so upset over first 'called in to the school' offence? Anyone else feel like shit when their DC get into trouble?

Mrskeylime Wed 26-Mar-14 13:55:03

It's got absolutely nothing to do with school though surely? Parents sound like a pain in the arse.

LongPieceofString Wed 26-Mar-14 13:58:44

My Y2's reading book contains the word bastard several times. I suspect the teacher doesn't know this... I haven't mentioned it as it really doesn't bother me, but maybe I will give her heads up now.

MamaPain Wed 26-Mar-14 13:59:43

My stock response to the school is:

Ok, I understand, I'll deal with it.

The thing I am really conscious with about the school is being undermined as a parent. I don't necessarily agree with all their issues, so I acknowledge them and then deal with it at home. I don't and won't get into how I'm resolving things at home with the school. I do explain to DC school aren't happy so be sensitive to that but I don't follow all the guidelines (I'll confess to still putting biscuits in the lunchbox).

I suppose what I am trying to convey is that you shouldn't lose your confidence as a parent over this or anything the school say. Don't doubt yourself.

AwfulMaureen Wed 26-Mar-14 14:01:17

To those who think it's a minor thing...it's not. 11 year olds saying this type of thing is to be epected but 5!? No way. I would complain too.

caramellokoalalover Wed 26-Mar-14 14:04:01

Thank you MamaPain Going to have a tea and a biscuit now and compose myself before facing the school gates.
LongPieceofString my DS's book the other day was about a donkey that got drunk on rotten apples and rolled about in the street. Maybe I should take that up with the school grin

Sleepgrumpydopey Wed 26-Mar-14 14:07:13

the first time the teacher said "can I speak to you for a minute?", my PFB was in reception and I thought she was going to tell me he was very advanced for his age and gifted! She actually needed to tell me a parent had complained as he'd pushed their DD blush.
I was mortified and went home and cried.

It does get easier though grin

almondcake Wed 26-Mar-14 14:22:33

Hi OP, it can be upsetting when you get contacted about the school about anything. You'll get used to dealing with it, as all parents get called in at some point or other, and it is okay to feel upset. I hope you feel better soon.

caramellokoalalover Wed 26-Mar-14 14:24:27

Sleepgrumpydopey grin I could tell I wasn't going to get a 'congratulations on your amazing PFB' meeting by the look on DS's teacher's face. It was definitely a 'your PFB is in big trouble' look smile

caramellokoalalover Wed 26-Mar-14 14:26:21

Thanks almondcake

diddl Wed 26-Mar-14 14:26:44

I don't think that the parents are being pathetic at all.

They informed the school of something but the behaviour continued.

I'd be furious if anyone was trying to teach my 5yr old to use such language.

OP, it might have been better if the school had given you a heads up before.

MamaPain Wed 26-Mar-14 14:30:47

It's clearly personal opinion as to how much of an issue this is.

Ultimately its OP's choice on how seriously she takes the teachers comments. Despite what the school think and some other parents want, we are all allowed to have our own values, standards and levels of acceptable behaviour.

There isn't a national level of moral standards that we all need to conform to.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 26-Mar-14 14:39:06

Who else should the parents complain to besides the school? And yes it's a big thing to just let slide. It's a horrible term and your child should definitely be dealt with. Going through the school seems appropriate.

ixqic Wed 26-Mar-14 14:39:07

Really can't understand why the parent complained to the school about something that happened when the child was totally your responsibility. By bringing it up with you about the party incident the school is treating you like they are your guardians. Now that would massively get my back up and would tell the school so. The parent should have complained to you at the party or maybe he/she doesn't have the bollocks to do that or you must be scary looking. grin

temporarilyjerry Wed 26-Mar-14 14:39:51

There isn't a national level of moral standards that we all need to conform to. YET.

diddl Wed 26-Mar-14 14:43:22

"There isn't a national level of moral standards that we all need to conform to."

And it shows!

caramellokoalalover Wed 26-Mar-14 14:49:03

ixqic I had no idea I was really scary looking grin Wish the parents had said something to me directly at the party so I could have apologised and reassured them that I don't think it's ok.
CoffeeTea103 no intention of letting it slide. I have never heard DS say such a thing. I didn't hear it at the party or I would have done/said something then and there, and I certainly don't condone it.
temporarilyjerry is Ofsted working on this? wink

LoopyDoopyDoo Wed 26-Mar-14 14:49:46

A 5 year old wouldn't have know that it was anything he shouldn't say. Don't be upset by this, it's a nothing really. He needs to be told and taught not to say certain things, but until he knows that, it's not his fault. Don't worry. smile

MamaPain Wed 26-Mar-14 14:50:10

I know Diddl, it's brilliant.

How awful if we were all the same.

Slothful Wed 26-Mar-14 14:50:23

maybe he/she doesn't have the bollocks to do that or you must be scary looking.

I hope the OP sees this before heading to the school gates again - the other parent should feel ashamed at not being able to deal with this via a quiet chat with the OP.

MamaPain Wed 26-Mar-14 14:51:21

And temporarilyjerry, I know, I'm just waiting for the SATS on Morals and Citizenship or whatever bollocks they come up with to complete the middle class indoctrination of all children.

Sillylass79 Wed 26-Mar-14 14:56:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gimcrack Wed 26-Mar-14 21:54:18

The parents should have told your DS off ('that's not nice, etc') and said something to you if they were really bothered. I find it odd that the school's being involved about something that happened off school premises that in no way involved the school.

FloozeyLoozey Wed 26-Mar-14 22:26:04

God it's not the end of the world is it? DS, 8, hears every swear word under the sun when we go to watch football. Sometimes they repeat words not knowing they're bad. Be clear and firm about which words are not allowed because they're kids.

maddening Wed 26-Mar-14 22:35:26

if he did it in a social setting where parents were there why on earth did they involve the school? They should have addressed you directly as the parent in charge when the alleged incident took place

FutTheShuckUp Wed 26-Mar-14 22:36:05

Am I the only person here who actually chuckled just a little...especially at the 'said in an accent' bitconfusedconfusedconfusedconfused

I'll get my coat....

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