To ask how you should deal with a self absorbed family member?

(28 Posts)
CrystalJelly Wed 26-Mar-14 13:14:30

My DB seems to exist in his own little bubble where he is the centre of the universe and no one else's needs are as important as his. I accept that some people are just like this, but I'm beginning to find being around him very difficult and I'm struggling to hold my tongue. I know that if I loose my cool and say something he will effectively cut me out of his life because that is what he's like, and obviously us falling out would put out parents in a difficult position and obviously I don't want that to happen.

I'd be here all day if I listed examples of his behaviour, but he will often bark orders at people or make unreasonable demands and then be horribly offended when people don't drop everything to help him. He will help others out but only if it fits in with his lifestyle or more frankly, if he can be bothered.

We are quite a close family, but this is starting to become a problem for me as I despise selfishness in anyone. Does anyone else have any advice on dealing with this sort of thing?

Soditall Thu 27-Mar-14 10:09:59

There's only 3 of u,I'm the only girl and the youngest my oldest brother is 15 years older than me.I've cut him and his children(they're all adults)out of my family,we've had nothing to do with them for over 2 years now.

It's the best thing I ever did and it's been along time coming.Him and his adult children and his partner did something unforgivable and I just couldn't justify they're behavior anymore.

Our parents are elderly and seriously ill now,myself and my other brother(who is 13 years older than me)are both really ill ourselves and both now registered disabled yet were the one's that are doing everything for our parents.The oldest shitbag is doing nothing to help them at all.He's left it all to us and the way our family works it means as they're only daughter the majority of the care and sorting everything out for them has fallen to me.

He could have used this time to prove himself to try and become a decent human being at long last and so could his offspring but they've just all got worst.

I think life is far to short to make nice with people that treat you badly weather they're related to your or not!

CrystalJelly Thu 27-Mar-14 11:26:33

I think what annoys me the most is that he will not help either me or our parents out unless it absolutely suits him, but is always happy to take from us and will get offended if we don't drop everything to do something for him.

I don't want to say too much because it may out me but a good example is when he wanted a lift to his works Xmas do last year, he asked my mum who she said she'd take him but only at a certain time because there was something she wanted to watch on TV, he then chucked a strop and said he wasn't going to go in that case. I was very surprised that she stuck to her guns, but she did and in the end he had to get a taxi but he wasn't pleased. Other times he's agreed to give them lifts places and dropped out at the last minute and he couldn't give a shit that he's dropped them in it.

Like another poster's brother he's very materialistic, only wears the best clothes, brags a lot etc. I really dislike the person he's become as an adult.

FelineLou Thu 27-Mar-14 11:41:41

Much of what you describe is toddler behaviour so respond as if he is 4 years old.
"Come over and bring some cake".
"Not today bro I'm very busy. Can you buy some, dear?"
You are smiley and friendly but don't respond by to demands.
It will help you feel better to see him as childish rather than selfish.

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