to think you should know where your kids are when they're out?

(59 Posts)
boosterjuice Tue 25-Mar-14 22:30:29

A local mum at the DCs' school has admitted that when her DCs (DS age 10, DD age 7) go on playdates she doesn't always know the other child's address, ie where her DCs are.

As it happens, this mum had to track her DS down yesterday after he didn't arrive home by ringing round the neighbours to find the other child's home then sending the babysitter out looking for him. (She'd gone out.) It was fine, the DS was only a mile away and had forgotten to come home under his own steam.

I tried to be polite, but last time I was there to drop something round, on a different night, the babysitter, their granddad, was fighting through the family's emails to find the address of where the DD was, when the mum went to collect her and realised she didn't know where she was.

I feel if I did this I'd look like an idiot if there was an emergency and I couldn't get hold of them. AIBU?

lessonsintightropes Tue 25-Mar-14 22:34:13

I think it depends. When we were growing up my Mum wouldn't know where I was on a Saturday, just that she'd sent me off, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone, always with sandwiches and squash and the instruction not to come back til bedtime.

This article doesn't cover all of the rights and wrongs of it, but I think the overparenting our generation do will not necessarily help our kids grow up to be resilient adults.

EatShitDerek Tue 25-Mar-14 22:35:23

Mum never knew where I was til I came home and she asked.

MooMaid Tue 25-Mar-14 22:41:16

Same - no-one knew where I was. Not saying that's right/wrong but I'm still here grin

mo where they are but at least the phone number of the parent that has them, at least until year 7.

not not mo

EatShitDerek Tue 25-Mar-14 22:46:18

But then again I never went on 'playdates'. I just went to friends houses for tea.

boosterjuice Tue 25-Mar-14 22:50:27

I'm amazed by the posters who blithely say their parents never knew where they were. Or think it's overparenting to be aware of the location of your 7 yr old.

mercibucket Tue 25-Mar-14 22:50:44

10 sounds a bit old - dont they just knock on at that age? i wouldnt have a clue where my 10 year olds friends live

EatShitDerek Tue 25-Mar-14 22:53:06

Well at 10 I was in year 6. I was out playing in the streets.

Or would just ask if friend could come for tea and mum would collect us both or their mum would if I was going to theirs.

Tbf I don't know my ex's address. I know roughly where he is but not the exact address and my son is there a couple of nights a week

boosterjuice Tue 25-Mar-14 23:40:27

Really derek? You don't know the address of your co-parent?

EatShitDerek Tue 25-Mar-14 23:44:22

I do not. I know where it is roughly. I don't know the number or street name though. He moved and didn't say anything.

2rebecca Tue 25-Mar-14 23:48:54

Age 10 my kids went out with a group of friends and could be anywhere within a mile radius.

2rebecca Tue 25-Mar-14 23:50:17

Age 10 seems old for "playdates" isn't that a little kid thing? Mine just went out to play with friends and often moved from one friend's house to another by the time they were 8-10.

Cerisier Tue 25-Mar-14 23:55:13

I have always known where my DCs are on playdates and sleepovers. I still make sure I know now and they are teenagers. Equally they know where I am and can contact me for help if they want to.

Our mantra is, if we had to call the Police for some reason, how would it look if we didn't know where you are or who you are with.

2rebecca Wed 26-Mar-14 00:00:01

It would look as though you aren't a helicopter parent and are letting your children have a bit of freedom. Don't your kids just go out with friends not know where they are going themselves? My teenagers are extremely vague about where they'll be and on a weekend I don't schedule my days always and can decide to just go and do something and be in and out of the house and just take my mobile.

MamaPain Wed 26-Mar-14 00:05:42

Yabu my DD(7) will ask to go home with her friend from school, the mum comes up to me and says its ok. The mum then says they live on June edge of huge park, if I meet her at x in the park at 7pm to pick DD up. Ok I say, and off we go our separate ways.

With all my DC things like this are very common, once they're in year 6 and definitely once at senior I don't know friends addresses. I might say where does X live and they will tell me in the 'tree roads' or just off the highstreet but I don't know exactly where.

BackforGood Wed 26-Mar-14 00:06:55

At Primary age, I've always known where mine were, and generally I'm at the more relaxed end of the parenting spectrum that is MN.
Even if they were calling for a neighbour, they'd have to come and tell me whose house they were going into. I don't think that's unusual or over parenting at all.

Cerisier Wed 26-Mar-14 00:18:06

Mine do go out with friends yes, but I like to know roughly which area of the city they'll be in. They use public transport and are very independent (but do call on us to collect them if they miss the last train home). It is an expected courtesy to check in every few hours and to let us know where they are. I do it and so does DH. It isn't being a helicopter parent, it is being a responsible parent.

LucyBabs Wed 26-Mar-14 00:18:54

Ok so your dc could be in someone's house who you don't know well and you don't know the address?

My parents 20 years ago when I was 12 didn't know where I was and what I was up to however I remember what I was up to!

My dc are 5 and 2 but I will make sure I know exactly where they are and with who when they are 7 years old!

boosterjuice Wed 26-Mar-14 00:24:39

I'm staggered by all the people who think knowing where a 7 year old is counts as neurotic overparenting.

boosterjuice Wed 26-Mar-14 00:25:25

Cerisier - are your kids 7 and 10? do you really let them take the last train home on their own?

Joysmum Wed 26-Mar-14 01:29:06

I always asked my DD's friends who turned up at the house if their parents knew where they were.

DD always has to have her phone on her which has the find a friend app on it so I always know where she is.

ICanSeeTheSun Wed 26-Mar-14 01:34:02

I always know where DS age 7, how I wish I could let him
Out to play with friends. How ever he can't he has asd.

If he was NT then I would let him out, like his friends.

Op you have to let go at some point.

Rabbitcar Wed 26-Mar-14 06:53:42

YANBU. Of course I always know where my children are! They can go where they like, but it's not over parenting to know where they are. When they are teens/young adults, fine, but really, with primary school children? Independence is great, and something I agree needs to be instilled, but caring where your children are is not wrong or a sign of over protectiveness. At my DDs' school, I have never seen the kind of approach described in the posts above. But we are all different!

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