Ex won't let Ds go to his wedding because he is bisexual? Is he being unreasonable?

(56 Posts)
Cakeandcoffeeandtea Mon 24-Mar-14 16:06:50

Ds's Dad is getting married in a few months in Poland. It was arranged that Ds would be going.

I've known for 2 years that Ds is bisexual. He didn't tell his Dad, I respected his choice. Yesterday his Dad found out via FB. He wasn't happy at all.

He's now saying Ds can't go to his wedding because he won't be safe going to Poland and being bisexual.

I think he's making excuses because he's not happy about it.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 25-Mar-14 04:00:57

I believe your son would be facing more risks to his safety in Poland, yes. I am not educated on the topic, but a gay (Polish) friend said her father would literally kill her if she ever returned.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Poland

MusicalEndorphins Tue 25-Mar-14 04:02:54

Of course her dad sounded hateful and violent, and may very well have said that no matter where he lived. Probably was a poor example.

AramintaDeWinter Tue 25-Mar-14 08:52:29

I think it's safe to say your ex is a nobber, going by his immediate reaction to learning that his son is bisexual, and he is using the apparent homophobic situation in Poland to justify his own homophobic views.
He's just found out his son's sexuality and his immediate reaction is to ban him from his wedding? A real man and father would be wanting to support his son, and discussing ways of ensuring his safety when he attends the wedding. Eg making sure son is appraised of the potential risks and of ways of reducing those risks.
As it is the only thing your ex seems to care about is himself and how he will look in front of his new Polish family. Definitely a nobber.

I'm Polish and find this thread quite upsetting, but maybe you're all right and I'm just blinkered and naive... sad

henrysmam Tue 25-Mar-14 09:11:03

I know ds is only 17have but think he should be given all the info possible and be guided to make his own mind up. Father seems negative about the whole thing. I would hope there would be enough people at the wedding who love and care for your son that he would be supported and protected. Explain your fears and be totally honnest. He should have the chance to go if if if he still wants to. It is an opportunity for him to travel and see family. His dad would be wrong to uninvite him. Good luck.

sparechange Tue 25-Mar-14 09:14:07

I used to have to travel to Poland regularly for work. Not just the cities, but the very rural areas where it was pretty common to see horses and carts on the roads.
My colleague from our Polish office, who accompanied me for most of the trips was gay and out. Part of our work involved liaising with the border police, and the head of the local office was a lesbian.
In the many dinners and drinks and chats we had, neither of them every said to me their sexuality caused them problems. Both had reached senior positions at work. Both lived with their partners.

That isn't to say homophobic discrimination doesn't go on. But in rural England where I am originally from and urban Northern Ireland where DH is from, it happens as well. That doesn't mean all bisexual people should fear going to a wedding in the UK.

Your Ex is being a grade A bigot and arse, and using some flimsy argument to push his own prejudices and homophobia. Your poor son to have to realise that is the sort of dad he has sad

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