To think dp is unreasonable to not let me get a dog?

(39 Posts)
Dereklovesdougie Mon 24-Mar-14 10:25:14

Before we moved in together I told do how much it would mean to me to get a dog, I'd wanted one for years and when he said he'd be happy for me to get one when we moved I was over the moon. Once we moved he changed his mind, said getting a dog would be expensive, tying and messy and he was not going to budge on it. We've had many arguments over it but he simply won't even consider it. His excuse now being that we both work full time. Yes we do but my full time hours are split into two mid days a week and one weekend day meaning the dog would only be alone from 8am until 4pm twice a week. Some weeks it wouldn't even be that. My 13 year old son is also desperate for a dog and I know he'd help out with walks and classes etc. I feel really resentful, especially since in his previous relationship they had dogs throughout their 16 years together and the photos of them and their bloody dog are now in my garage. He likes dogs so it's not a case of having an animal in the house that he doesn't like. Is it not really unfair for him to totally veto this decision in the way that he has?? Another thing that upset me is that he said "you didn't have a dog when we met". I replied "no because I was in rented accommodation and the landlord said no" so dip retorted "well, can't have meant that much to you then or you would have moved". Yes because lone parents on uni bursaries tend to have loads of options like that. How insensitive.

expatinscotland Mon 24-Mar-14 10:26:46

YANBU

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 24-Mar-14 10:27:55

I think it would be cruel for the dog to be alone 8 hours a day twice a week.

expatinscotland Mon 24-Mar-14 10:29:42

Some dogs would be perfectly happy alone for that length of time. It's not a toddler.

justasmallone Mon 24-Mar-14 10:30:55

Ltb and get a dog.

Onesleeptillwembley Mon 24-Mar-14 10:32:28

You'd be cruel to force a pet on him he doesn't want. And I say that as a dog (and cat) lover.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Mar-14 10:35:50

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2034264-Think-Im-losing-interest-in-my-fianc

Think it's worth posting the full context. It's a terrible relationship from the ground up and the dog is just the last straw.

Bowlersarm Mon 24-Mar-14 10:36:27

It will be alone for at least 8 hours a day twice a week. And then when you are out shopping, picking DC up, out for the evening and weekends doing things presumably. So potentially it could be alone an awful lot.

That's a huge negative to start with.

Although I do sympathise. Yearning for a dog is deeply emotional.

What about deciding between you not to argue about it now, but to revisit the idea in 6 months time (or whatever), and have a sit down serious meeting about it? In the meantime you can work out how to present your case in the most positive light.

megamuffin Mon 24-Mar-14 10:37:02

You both need to be in agreement and happy to have a dog. My dh bought a dog when we moved in which I wasnt happy about and I have grown really resentful towards the dog and hate him being near our young ds. Maybe think about another pet for you and ds that your dh would like too.

NotNewButNameChanged Mon 24-Mar-14 10:38:56

Depends hugely on the type and size of dog. There are many I would find it unacceptable to leave alone for 8 hours a day.

OP, I love dogs. When growing up, my parents always had a dog, German Shepherd. As soon as one died, a few weeks later, they would get another. The first dog they would never put into kennels so we never went on a holiday until I was 13. Days out and mum's brother would come and take him for walks.

Now, I love dogs. But I moved out from home when I was 22 and after having lived with dogs for 22 years I actually quite like not having one now and having that bit of freedom. Added to which, my working hours wouldn't be conducive to a dog - when I am retired, I suspect I will have a dog again.

What I am saying is, your partner has had dogs in the past but is perhaps, like me, now enjoying the freedom a bit. He's at liberty to change his mind, you know. If it's that big a deal for you, then you perhaps need to look at the relationship again.

thedrunkenduck Mon 24-Mar-14 10:42:29

Sorry but it is cruel to get a dog and leave it on it's own for a full day- even a couple of hours is too much. No decent breeder will go near you with a barge pole if you tell them that- or a rescue centre.

They are a big tie- mine needs walking 3 times a day for at least an hour- how would you cope with that with the days your out for 8 hours on top of commuting/cooking dinner etc.

Please don't do it. Please.

Bowlersarm Mon 24-Mar-14 10:50:25

thedrunkenduck I think you are unrealistic with your comment about a couple of hours being too much for a dog to be left.

There are no families with dogs I know where that is not the case. It is unrealistic in modern family life to think a dog won't be left at all.

Sovaysovay Mon 24-Mar-14 11:03:42

The relationship doesn't sound great anyway, dog or no dog. They're messy and stressful, like a child you can never potty train. Any time I see a dog coiling one out on the pavement while it's owner gloves up and hovers over them, plastic bag in hand, I remember why I'm not having a dog.

ginmakesitallok Mon 24-Mar-14 11:07:16

Dp and I would both love a dog, but I've said no because it would be home alone for 3 days. It's not fair on a puppy to leave it for so long alone. Yabu

thedrunkenduck Mon 24-Mar-14 11:11:31

Of course they will be left on occasion. But everyday?? Ask any decent breeder/rescue centre and see what they say. They will be taking your name and making sure they don't go anywhere near you.

sparechange Mon 24-Mar-14 11:18:47

Sorry, thedrunkenduck
I have had 2 rescue dogs, one from Battersea and one from a local rescue places. With both, I was upfront about how long the dog would be left, and both rescues matched me with dogs that weren't that fussed about being left.
One of my current dogs was a puppy when we got her, and we were again up front about what her daily routine would be.
I would never leave a dog alone for 8 hours but 8am-4pm with a dog walker or neighbour coming at lunch time to let them out and spend some time with them is not cruel for the right dog. In fact, mine will often go 4 or 5 hours happily in the garden or kitchen while I'm in the house without wanting to come and see me.

Rescues know their dogs and are much happier will full disclosure and the opportunity to match the correct dog than someone lying and then choosing a dog which turns out to be totally unsuitable

SilverShadows Mon 24-Mar-14 11:19:47

YABU.

It is a shame he has changed his mind, but that is his prerogative - it is his home too and if he doesn't want to share to share it with a dog then he shouldn't have to.

I have dogs, and I would not leave mine for 8 hours. Longest is 4-5 hours and I have spent years building up to that point - I couldn't leave a puppy for that long straight away, they ARE like toddlers at first.
Maybe a rescue you could, if you had a dog walker halfway through the day. Reading your post though, you are assuming that he will be caring for it at weekends. You can't rely on that if he is reluctant.

Sounds like there are other issues to consider in the background too. I wouldn't get a dog in your situation.

PigletJohn Mon 24-Mar-14 11:20:40

13 year olds are not as helpful as you think.

PigletJohn Mon 24-Mar-14 11:26:05

13 year olds are not as helpful as you think.

PigletJohn Mon 24-Mar-14 11:26:07

13 year olds are not as helpful as you think.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Mon 24-Mar-14 11:31:53

Like Cog says this relationship is on it's arse anyway. OP I think you need to make a decision about the whole relationship.

My 13 year old committed to helping with our dogs.

She plays with them a bit and comes with me (note, WITH ME) on the evening walk.

Morgause Mon 24-Mar-14 11:39:16

YABU. Everyone should be in agreement before you have a pet.

Ginnytonic82 Mon 24-Mar-14 11:40:12

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out and it seems unfair of your dp to promise and then refuse to get a dog.

But, they are a huge commitment, we have a beautiful lab, but I'd be lying if I said she's not hard work even though she's well trained. She has 3 1 1/2 hour walks a day, from which she always returns covered in mud and needs a bath! She molts a lot so hoovering takes place 3/4 times a day. We have a brilliant dog walker but she is very expensive, she's our 2nd biggest bill. Add on the cost of food, pet insurance, toys, bed, lead, microchip, regular fleaing, worming, annual check and vacs, it's very expensive. Also everything is planned with a view that some

StarGazeyPond Mon 24-Mar-14 11:42:07

It would be unfair to get a dog and leave it alone 2 days a week, and then with someone who doesn't want it 1 day a week. Poor dog.

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