To have not allowed dd to do her homework

(49 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Mon 24-Mar-14 00:35:15

She is 11 and year 6, going to secondary this time so trying to give her independence and trust, on Friday I asked her if she had homework, she said yes and I sent her to do it, when I looked she had the homework out. Asked her if she needed help, answered no, I asked if she had finished and told yes.

We were out all yesterday and most of today as my mum is poorly.

cue ten oclock tonight getting her bag ready and check her homework and shes not done it apart from two questions, its easy so no reason why other than she couldnt be arsed.
She tried starting it at 10pm (six pages) and I refused to let her so now she says she didnt do her homework because our house is crap and we have no garden and she doesnt want to live here anyway [storms off in a huff and slams door]

Now its all MY fault shes going to get told off for not doing her homework until probably gone 11 tonight.

Lagos Mon 24-Mar-14 00:39:57

Nope. Her problem.

AlpacaYourThings Mon 24-Mar-14 00:43:04

YANBU, there is a consequence for not telling the truth and she will it tomorrow. 10pm on a Sunday is not the time for homework!

EurotrashGirl Mon 24-Mar-14 00:55:55

YABU. Does she need your help with it? If not, why not let her do it? The consequence is that she gets less sleep.

steff13 Mon 24-Mar-14 01:06:38

You're not being unreasonable. Presumably she knows when bedtime is, so she knew it should have been done before then, and she shouldn't have lied to begin with.

HillyHolbrook Mon 24-Mar-14 01:21:02

YABU, if you only had a better house and a garden she could have done it all! Why are you so crap, eh? Who wants a roof over their head?wink

Really, YANBU, she's old enough to take responsibility for not doing it, but too young to be staying up all hours finishing things last minute. She also lied when you asked if it was done. That's her problem.

We had similar to this with DSis when she started high school. She had this habit of leaving her homework til the night before it was due, then looking in her planner to see she had only written 'Maths' or 'Science' in and no explanation. She left it too late to ask a teacher for help, and it was her fault for being too lazy to write the tasks down. She soon learned her lesson anyway!

wobblyweebles Mon 24-Mar-14 03:33:11

Oh I have been there with my 12yo. YANBU. Bedtime is bedtime, and if she's not organised then she needs to explain that to the teacher.

wobblyweebles Mon 24-Mar-14 03:34:01

And BTW I have a garden and apparently it STILL isn't possible to do homework on time :-)

SapphireMoon Mon 24-Mar-14 06:38:04

Def not your fault op. Hope she went to bed.
I would get my ds to do it in the morning [say from 7.30am until 8am].
Would that work with your dd?

CoffeeTea103 Mon 24-Mar-14 07:34:18

Yanbu. Glad that you stuck to it.
I would be concerned with her attitude though, very rude how she spoke to you.

Sirzy Mon 24-Mar-14 07:36:21

Yanbu.

If she is so worried she can get up 30 mins earlier and do it before school

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 24-Mar-14 07:39:19

Yanbu and she will also be in trouble for lying to me.

youarewinning Mon 24-Mar-14 07:39:39

YANBU. I have a 'rule' homework is started at the latest by 5pm on a Sunday. If we are out that day he's told to do it before. Yr 5 so no more than an hour.

If he doesn't he can get up early Monday to do it.

Bloodyteenagers Mon 24-Mar-14 07:43:20

Yanbu. You asked her if she had homework, which she did. You asked her if she needed help, she said she didn't. Other than doing the homework for her, there is little else you could have done. But then she said she had finished it.
Next time, she knows not to lie and say it's finished when it isn't finished.

If she is lucky it won't be due today, so she will have time tonight to complete it and not get a detention.. If not, oh well.

Joysmum Mon 24-Mar-14 07:47:30

That's utterly brilliant parenting. You have set clear boundaries and stuck to them. I just hope there are consequences at school for her not having completed the homework because there's needs to be to make this life lesson truly effective.

diddl Mon 24-Mar-14 07:48:58

Well if you were out most of the weekend is it possible she forgot?

I suppose she wanted to see your mum rather than stay behind to do homework?

LettertoHermioneGranger Mon 24-Mar-14 07:52:10

I think you are being unreasonable.

She's 11. She's old enough to deal with the consequences of not going to sleep on time, being tired the next day. What are you teaching her? That it's ok to not finish projects when they're due if it interferes with going out or getting sleep? That won't do her any favors in a future job, or as a university student.

She lied about getting it done, which is what needs to be punished - but the punishment should not be not doing it. Ffs if my parents had "punished" me by not letting me do homework I had pretended to do, I would have never done homework.

You should have stressed the importance of finishing her work, let her be tired the next day. Discipline as you usually would for lying/tantrums - removing privileges, etc. Homework isn't a privilege, it's a responsibility that you're letting her ignore.

Perfectlypurple Mon 24-Mar-14 07:55:19

diddl she said she had done the homework friday night so she didn't forget. She lied to op and said she had done it.

op yanbu. Its better she gets a punishment now and learns the consequences than later when the work is more important/GCSE based.

ChazzerChaser Mon 24-Mar-14 08:03:37

I'd prefer to use the natural consequences of being tired the next day rather than shifting the consequences onto a ban from me. The former teaches what happens when you mess up in this way, you've done it to yourself and feel cross with yourself. The latter sets the parent up as the bad guy so the anger shifts to scapegoating the parent and deflecting their anger with themselves.

diddl Mon 24-Mar-14 08:04:37

"She lied to op and said she had done it."

Yes, but that might have been because she'd had enough, wanted a break & intended to do it another time.

And it was just easier to say that she'd finished!

I think I would have let her stay up a little & told her to get up the next morning if she wanted to finish it.

eddielizzard Mon 24-Mar-14 08:06:10

i can see why you did it but the punishment was wrong imo.

she should have done her homework and the punishment is she is tired today. now she's not done the work. that is not a good message.

saintmerryweather Mon 24-Mar-14 08:08:51

Then she shouldnt have lied should she? How can she be tired and needing a break after completing 2 questions? She just couldnt be arsed, lied to her mum then panicked when she remembered it needed doing

Glampinglove Mon 24-Mar-14 08:10:17

My DD 11 was punished at primary school (year 6) when she didn't do her homework when she had lied to me that she had done it.

DD is now at secondary school and she certainly learnt from the experience as she now completes the majority of her homework at school and has been repeatedly praised for the high standard.

I completely agree with what you did your DD needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions and this will hopefully set her in good stead when at secondary school.

If you had allowed her to complete her homework until very late last night she would no doubt had been very tired and not fully able to concentrate on her school work. Also your DD wouldn't have learnt anything other than I can lie and it doesn't matter.

siblingrevelry Mon 24-Mar-14 08:11:02

I agree with everything you did op (and I'd maybe look to put a note in her planner/to her teacher to explain. Not to get her in trouble but to ensure she doesn't lie to her teacher and blame you "grandma's Ill/we were out all weekend" etc).

If you let the consequence be her staying up late and being tired she won't associate the two as a consequence, and will simply be more irritable with you/the family for the rest of the week.

Stick to your guns, you did great. Maybe tonight you and her could have a cuppa & a biscuit and chat about what happened and why. She might be ready to listen and see how it could be avoided (and hopefully it won't end up in a shouting match).

tinkerbellvspredator Mon 24-Mar-14 08:19:17

I don't think natural consequences of 'being tired' teaches anything. I always left my homework until the last minute (e.g during registration) and I never learnt even when I (frequently) got myself up at 6.30am to start English gcse essays. As I always got top marks I also never had any consequences in terms of results. I wish my parents had tried to get me into a routine of doing homework straight away at an early age.

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