AIBU in wondering why many people don't have any idea about invisible disabilities?

(82 Posts)
KhloeKardashian Sun 23-Mar-14 04:57:15

I can so identify with the people on public transport misjudging and the dirty looks. What is wrong with people that they tutt and judge like that.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/adrian-grist/the-trouble-with-looking-healthy_b_4939297.html?utm_hp_ref=uk

Even friends don't seem to get it.

There seems to be a lot of people around with very low IQ when it comes to emotional intelligence I guess and they just can't help it.

squoosh Sun 23-Mar-14 05:02:00

But if I see someone who looks outwardly healthy I never think to myself 'I wonder if they have a debilitating illness that isn't obvious just from looking at them'. Who does?

KhloeKardashian Sun 23-Mar-14 05:02:57

If they are going to sit in a disabled set on public transport?

squoosh Sun 23-Mar-14 05:19:06

Ok, but the article isn't about seemingly able bodied people sitting in the seat reserved for elderly/disabled, that's just mentioned in passing.

It must be hellish to have any type of disability and I can see that having a 'hidden' disability brings with it a raft of separate problems but it's unfair to accuse people of having 'very low IQ' because they can't instantly tell someone has such a condition. The whole point he's making is that it isn't outwardly obvious.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 06:01:59

YABVU to accuse people of having a low IQ - or I suppose you mean 'stupid' - for not being able to determine that someone has hidden health problems. It is normal to assume someone is able-bodied unless there is some visible indication to the contrary.... difficulty moving, physical abnormality, using a medical aid, using sign language. Anyone with a disability that is hidden is going to have be up front about it if they want assistance and - because most people really aren't stupid but helpful when given a chance - they should get a positive response.

nooka Sun 23-Mar-14 06:12:24

Weird OP, commenting that people don't have any idea about invisible disabilities and then using 'very low IQ' as an insult hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 06:35:58

Exactly nooka. The OP is presumably too ignorant to appreciate the irony. hmm

RedFocus Sun 23-Mar-14 06:49:54

People don't have any idea because...and the clue is in the title...here goes...IT'S INVISIBLE! Not because people are stupid!
Jeez OP get a grip, it's not rocket science! wink

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 23-Mar-14 07:10:55

I get ya.

I don't think my daughter's disability is invisible..she makes noises and flaps and walks unusally.

But we still get tuts and comments if she is screeching or kicking off or eating messily.

Youd think people might realise there's a an issue is a child who looks 9 is lying on floor or screaming but people often don't.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 23-Mar-14 07:14:56

And as for the lack of sympathy that still exists in many re conditions like mE and Fibromyalgia..like people choose to be housebound and not live their lives.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 23-Mar-14 07:15:59

Oh and ADHD. Time and time again we hear the child is just a brat with useless parents.

Yes I am hearing you OP.

LemonBreeland Sun 23-Mar-14 07:20:00

I only really think about invisible disabilities since being on mn.

It is not low IQ, it is the fact that I have no experience of any friends or family having anything like those illnesses, or disabilities.

There are some rude people who judge without thinking and I hope I would never be one of those people, But most people just wouldn't automatically look at someone and wonder if there is something going on inside.

Yes I get what you mean.

Ds1 is severely autistic, non-verbal & a teenager. Yes he looks absolutely 'normal' - but his behaviour & inability to talk should give it away really. We still get comments & harumphs & stares & glares. It's got worse as he's got older (& I would have thought more obvious, apparently not).

I used to see it as my role in life to educate those who had misunderstood. But it didn't make much difference. Some people get it, some don't & an explanation makes no difference at all - & is usually treated as you trying to make an excuse. Now if people are too stupid to clock what's going on in front of them I ignore them & let them suck their lemons. And I count myself lucky I don't have to have anything to do with them.

blondefriend Sun 23-Mar-14 08:50:24

Total sympathy. My DS had a severe illness as a baby which was obvious to strangers by the tube attached to his face and whilst he was in GOSH in high dependency then the sympathy flowed.
Once that went the understanding slowly disappeared. I almost want to put a sign above his head explaining that his behaviour is due to brain damage at birth not my "bad parenting". I know I'm being stupid but it just hurts. sad

hazeyjane Sun 23-Mar-14 09:55:35

To be fair to the op, she said a low IQ in terms of emotional intelligence - so EQ?

I think having a child with disabilities, and listening to people in rl and on mumsnet has made me more aware in public places, of giving people the benefit of the doubt. You see so many posts on here where children are judged for making a mess, making noise, being in a buggy, being shy, being rude etc etc...then there are the numerous parking, disabled toilets, seats on buses threads....and lets not forget the 'naughty' children at school. It goes on and on.

I know that at the moment ds and I are lucky, he is small and blonde and baby faced and quite frankly very cute. If he doesn't talk, or starts crawling on the pavement, or has to sit in his buggy or screeches people just think, 'ah bless'. I know that this will get harder as he gets older, and yes I hope people will have understanding and just be aware that disabilities can present themselves in many different ways.

HappyAgainOneDay Sun 23-Mar-14 10:07:40

I so agree with the OP.

It's not just the less obvious disabilities though. My mother had a stroke (OK 10 years ago) and was confined to a wheelchair for a few weeks (she did recover). I was not used to pushing a wheelchair so what an eye opener!! While in one small shop with a post office right at the back and trying to get to its counter, we had to negotiate aisles that had been made too narrow with crates of wrapped bread, a big rubbish-filled plastic sack and other things. Before having to push a wheelchair, I had not noticed any hindrances like this.

Oooh and the 'fire exit' was always blocked with stock ready to be displayed. I'd never have got a wheelchair past that in an emergency so I complained to the local authority and got results.

KhloeKardashian Sun 23-Mar-14 10:10:03

very low IQ when it comes to emotional intelligence, so yes low EQ would maybe be a better way to describe it.

KhloeKardashian Sun 23-Mar-14 10:15:42

I have a builder working here at the moment and we had to make a change as I explained it wouldn't work for me as it had a step. Despite me saying about the step and making a change, he then created in the new space a step down and a step up. I simply do not understand the EQ behind that, some people simply have very little emotional intelligence to put themselves in the shoes of another and think along the lines of what life is like for them and think it is the same for everyone else.

Ledkr Sun 23-Mar-14 10:21:25

Surely many hidden disabilities don't require the same facilities as more obvious ones.
I may be thick but for example ds is on dialysis so disabled but doesn't need the special bus seats, or access to disabled loos.
He gets tired easily so these things might be usefu bit not as essential as say a wheelchair user. Iyswim.

KhloeKardashian Sun 23-Mar-14 10:24:13

What about the Man in the article, you can't see his feet?

CassCade Sun 23-Mar-14 10:33:48

Khloe, your comment doesn't seem to fit the article you provided. You're saying some people have low IQ when it comes to emotional intelligence because they tut and judge people with invisible disabilities? People aren't psychic.
The article is written by someone with invisible disabilities, describing his difficulties with those people who don't understand them. To use his example, if I was heavily pregnant and saw an apparently healthy 40-year old man (the author of the article) sitting in the disabled seat, while I had to stand up, then I would probably judge! I'd probably feel annoyed at his selfish behavior. Obviously, if I knew about the invisible disabilities he has, then I wouldn't. Maybe we could take turns on sitting down! You can't judge people who don't have all the facts.
My brother in law has severe epilepsy and has had many seizures in public; sometimes just by becoming very confused or at other times collapsing in the street. He doesn't expect everyone to know he is epileptic. He wears a medic alert bracelet, but he has always been tutted at or accused of being drunk or on drugs by someone each time it's happened - that's life....! Some things can't be changed.

And the author of the article is not talking about obvious disabilities here, or about children. I'm sorry if you have invisible disabuilities and that's why you've posted - not meaning to have a go at you if you are feeling upset!

CassCade Sun 23-Mar-14 10:36:50

Ah, I started writing after I read Happyagainoneday's post.
That's the problem with mumsnet... If I'd waited I would have seen your post about the step. I get you now.
Yes, some people don't get it - but your builder absolutely should have listened to you and done what you were asking him!

SaucyJack Sun 23-Mar-14 10:40:29

I think some people are just cunts tbh.

I used to work in a residential home for children with (very very visible) severe learning and physical disabilities, and we still used to get the same tuts and stares off of the old biddies for sitting in "their" seats on the bus.

CassCade Sun 23-Mar-14 10:47:09

saucyjack, I laughed out loud at that. Oh yes, they are.

Khloe, I apologise that I gave you a lecture on the thought processes of the general public. I thought that was what you were referring to. Your builder was not very professional to not listen to your needs. He should have been able to work out from that what would suit you and what he should do!

BertieBotts Sun 23-Mar-14 10:55:41

I think people just don't know that these things exist. Unless you know/have known someone with that disability you probably haven't heard much about it. Remember it wasn't all that long ago that people with many invisible disabilities were locked up in homes or asylums sad And a person who is paralysed or has lost limbs for example is fairly relateable to as a "normal" person, to take it down to a very basic level, the "only" problem they have is having more difficulty getting around. I don't think this - but a lot of people do.

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