to just smile and nod at friends naive views on impending motherhood...

(159 Posts)
SqutterNutBaush Sat 22-Mar-14 02:03:10

Apparently she watched OBEM last week and laughed at how pathetic the women were because "there's no need for,all the screaming and crying drama FFS" and she won't need a section because she doesn't like needles.

Her baby will stay at home with DH 5 days after birth so she can return to college as there's no need to delay, surely they can cope without a feed for 3 hours even though she wants to BF.

The baby will go in its own room from birth and it won't be a hassle getting up "what twice a night?".

The scan dates are DEFINATELY wrong because they are showing the baby as normal sized when her DH was hugely long at birth so "we've only bought 3-6 months clothing to prove them wrong"

My personal favourite "we've didn't see the need to buy a pram with seat bit so just got a carrycot one second hand as by the time she outgrows it around a year she can just walk with us"

ThePost Sat 22-Mar-14 02:07:11

Well, smile and nod but be prepared to jump in and lend a hand once the baby arrives. Nobody really knows what it is going to be like once they have their first baby. I still cringe at some of the pontificating I did before DD1 was born.

YokoUhOh Sat 22-Mar-14 02:11:06

Show her the sleep and breastfeeding threads on here! Sounds like she's in for a rude awakening. Perhaps you could buy her a moby wrap/guide to the first sixth months/something 'useful' as a gift, adding that you found it really helpful when your babies were upset...?

YANBU to smile and nod...I'd be incredulous faced with that level of optimism/ignorance!

SqutterNutBaush Sat 22-Mar-14 02:14:18

I'm definitely willing to jump in and help when she needs me but she's very erm sheltered and quite stiff upper lip so I'm worried she won't admit she's gotten everything a bit muddled in her mind so won't accept help.

A few of us have tried gently explaining that babies delicately do not go by the plan and tbh my children go against the grain of what they should/shouldn't be doing by her book so I'm not sure what she think there haha

Honestly there's no telling her.

SqutterNutBaush Sat 22-Mar-14 02:17:15

Yoko I did mention a wrap, directed her to or local sling library offered her mine but she doesn't want the baby learning to be clingy so will not be using but I shall keep it on standby for when she's having a melt down.

mindthegap01 Sat 22-Mar-14 02:19:00

YANBU - there's naive, and then there's your friend! And the reason I'm up at this ungodly hour is that my 3 week old is 15 minutes into one of her epic night time feeds...

YokoUhOh Sat 22-Mar-14 02:25:18

Ah OP you're a good friend smile where do people get these bonkers ideas about 'clingy' babies from? As if tending to their needs is making a rod for your own back... I expect a combination of hormones and sleep deprivation will put paid to her plans!

SqutterNutBaush Sat 22-Mar-14 02:33:43

I think so, unfortunately her DH is not exactly helpful so fear it'll all come crashing down on her shoulders if she doesn't have the child of her expectations.

I'm not going to lie though I did think for a second when she mentioned the pathetic women on OBEM that it would be interesting to be in the labour room and laughing/tuttingnname calling whenever she let out a whimper.. Of course I wish her a sneeze birth but given that I've not had the best birth experiences I was quite pissed off at that particular remark.

redcaryellowcar Sat 22-Mar-14 02:53:51

I think she must have not yet washed the 3-6 month sleep suits, as they are huge, enough for a lady not yet in labour to wimper at the size of baby she thinks she is having 'popping out'

People round this way are quite superstitious. They don't buy gifts for babies until they are safely born, don't post scan pictures on Facebook so as not to attracr the evil eyes, and don't witter on in pregnancy about what this and that will be like, lest their presumptious and arrogant chatter tempt the fates.

At first, I thought it was decidedly odd, but this thread has made me realise the benefits. smile Poor OP, you HAVE been stoic.

The C-section thing, though- I sympathise with her. Until I had a crash section, I didn't know a thing about them and never contemplated the idea of having one. My lengthy antenatal course never even touched upon them. This is a crime, given how common such operations are. It won't have crossed her mind that often, you simply don't have a choice.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Sat 22-Mar-14 04:30:35

Hahaha she's having a laugh.
Bet she has a sneeze birth too hmm and is forevermore vocal about the ranting women (I was one of then so thank fuck for pain relief!!)

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 22-Mar-14 04:34:12

Ds1 was straight into 3-6 months , he was 11lb 2.

She doesnt want one of them i can tell you

kelhen Sat 22-Mar-14 04:43:34

Oh goodness, she is about to get the shock of her life poor thing. Keep an eye on her and be ready to help, that's all you can do.

MrsPixieMoo Sat 22-Mar-14 05:34:05

grin Ah bless

CharityCase Sat 22-Mar-14 05:46:38

Ha ha- I remember telling my Obs at 36 wks that I definitely wouldn't be needing an epidural because I have a high pain threshold due to doing a lot of trail running and weight lifting. To her credit, she did not do much as smirk when calling the anaesthetist to get him out of bed at 2am because ' I'm dying, I'm dying' grin

I cringe now when I think back to how naive I was when heavily pregnant with my first baby. I've walked around on torn knee ligaments for a week, had a broken ankle that was mildly annoying rather than painful, so I thought that I'd be fine with just gas and air. Nothing prepared me for the intensity and relentlessness of the pain of labour. I was screaming for an epidural by 4cm. And i thought that I'd be back on the horse within a week, it was actually more than a month before I could sit down without crying in pain. And my colicky reflux screaming as soon as he was put down ds was so much more needy than I ever imagined, I counted a good day as one where I managed to get a shower and makeup on and ate something hot for nearly 6 months

Dirtymistress Sat 22-Mar-14 06:17:46

I had had two 'easy' births and during both, made a noise like a crazed cow. 'Dirty, you are going to have a sore throat from making such a racket' said one of the midwivesgrin
I said I would never use a dummy, both boys had them within a week. Said I would never co sleep, had a 2 and a 1 year old in my bed last night.
Both my 7.7lb and 7.15lbers had to wear early baby stuff for at least a month.
Motherhood makes us contradict some very strong views we might have previously held. You might even catch me giving my two the 'Geordie dummy' - a Greggs sausage roll.

Onsera3 Sat 22-Mar-14 06:20:30

Oh dear sounds like she may be more naive than most.

I do have a friend who's due soon who is not quite as bad but has a few ideas that I wonder if she will be rethinking after birth. She's not getting a pram at all. Now I love babywearing but isn't it nice when baby is little and sleeps a lot and you have somewhere to put them down when you're out of the house for a meal or you need to try on clothes.

Like your friend she is only buying big clothes- and she is a tiny person. I've tried to explain that my bigger than average DC needed newborn sizes initially.

She also has the same beliefs about the labour and not needing anything. But to be fair, I felt the same way as I have a lot of exp with pain (unfortunately) and I did deliver without so much as the gas and with no sounds of complaint.

Lucky we are such good friends we won't be saying I told you so!

Wow. She sounds like a fool tbh. How can you be so dogmatic and blinkered before having a child? She's in for a massive shock.

Kitsmummy Sat 22-Mar-14 06:26:38

Uugh, tbh she doesn't sound naive, she sounds like an irritating twat!

Grokette Sat 22-Mar-14 06:28:02

The pram thing is utterly hilarious!

Good luck to her, and well done you for not crying with laughter in her face.

I do understand what you mean about being flippant about birth. It can be very hard to hear people talk about how easy giving birth is, either as an assumption or in retrospect.

ipswichwitch Sat 22-Mar-14 06:35:47

Ha! The only stupidly naive thing I ever said was that I didn't want to be one of those women screaming and making a hell of a racket during labour. I have a high pain threshold (I've got arthritis) and thought I could hack whatever labour had to throw at me.
Oh boy was I wrong! I screamed like I was being murdered . The pain was horrific and I kept getting told they couldn't give me anything as the dr was busy in theatre. Bastard must have got lost since in the whole 10 hours it took to deliver DS2 he never showed his face. DH says I actually roared at one point blush

BeQuicksieorBeDead Sat 22-Mar-14 06:40:10

Ha ha ha ha ha! The bitterest laugh I can muster.

Your mate will wince when she replays all these comments... I have got a friend who is ttc who assures me that her baby will sleep through from two weeks, will be combination fed from birth without issues and will never co sleep as it will spoil him, and she and partner will need the bed to themselves..... Bless her. I will be there for her when the plan goes out of the window, but at the moment quite a lot of it grates as she knows we are doing the things she has sworn will never go on in her house.

Only1scoop Sat 22-Mar-14 06:45:24

I've got visions of this huge 1 year old dc sat up in a pram being wheeled alongsmile

Blimey I thought I was the most clueless expectant mum. It seems maybe not.

colleysmill Sat 22-Mar-14 06:55:37

Well ds1 was a doddle as a baby and would have suited your friend down to the ground - trouble is you can't order what type of baby you get! Regularly went 3 hours for feeds, slept well, woke once a night only and slept from 10 - 6 at night from 6 weeks. It went downhill once he could move independently!!!

As I sit looking at ds (who is 3 weeks old) it's a whole different ball game. Up every 2 hours, colicky, harder to settle, needs lots more cuddles and bit of a velcro baby - hell I'm contemplating a sling - generally very very different.

I had some fantastical ideas before ds1 which I laugh about now. Sometimes until you've lived it you have no idea grin

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