To go to a girls only kinky meet up? (I'm married)

(80 Posts)
StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:13:12

So there is a women only BDSM munch near me soon. I am going to ask/tell DH I am going to go tomorrow. Well, unless you lot tell me IABU! It is vanilla, so normal clothes, in a pub! It is just a place for kinky women to meet up to find friendship, they meet up once a month.

DH knows I am into submission and fetish stuff. When I say into I mean reading about it/bit of porn and I enjoy it the once every year or so we do have kinky sex. He is not really into it though..i doubt, he is quite vague on the subject.

Anyway, he is always talking about life passing him by and wanting to go and do more things but then just watches shit on TV and goes to work. We don't have that much sex, maybe once or twice a month (one of those often being a quickie). I want to go out and meet more people and live life a bit more before we try for kids in a few years time. I will never cheat on him, ever, I just crave this lifestyle and sitting watching TV most nights is driving me crazy.

AIBU to say "I really want to go" and if he has a problem with it just go anyway?

AnyFucker Wed 19-Mar-14 21:17:08

Good for you both x

Now I hope you can work out something that suits both of your sex lives, instead of cheap thrills down the Wetherspoons grin

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 20:00:58

IT WENT REALLY WELL. Like really well wink. We had good chats and sorted a lot of stuff out, he will try and make it a higher priority. Then he made it a higher priority! I'm so happy. Bugger stupid munches, I'm staying at home by His feet :D

rainbowfeet Wed 19-Mar-14 18:20:40

If this is fairly near the beginning of your relationship I can see you coming back in 10 years time saying you are now living in a sexless marriage! If he is as uninterested in Sex vanilla or otherwise as this now imagine how he'll be in the future? Sounds like a mismatch of labido's & personalities too.

HadABadDay2014 Wed 19-Mar-14 18:04:50

autismnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Relationships-and-Sexuality-Tool.pdf

166 pages but if you got the time may be worth the read.

AnyFucker Wed 19-Mar-14 16:45:39

Can't you not just get some erotic fiction ? I expect most of what gets talked about at these "talk about kink but not actually do it" kind of bashes is just that...fiction.

LouiseSmith Wed 19-Mar-14 15:34:55

Go!!! There so much fun. And kinky people are the most non judgemental people I've ever met. smile

Have fun x

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 15:33:16

Thanks nilbyname, gotta love the detachment on the internet eh, IRL we would not dream of talking to each other the way we have today!

nilbyname Wed 19-Mar-14 15:24:16

Goady? Give over.

Op posts in Aibu, I give her a stronger opinion that she likes. I get told "so fuck you" in anger, and I find it offensive., and "silly lady" which is passive aggressive accompanied by the god awful smiley face.

Seriously, a bloke making this op would be thrashed!

But no, call me goady, and let's give the op encouragement to engage in a sexualised activity that her partner doesn't enjoy, and to do it without him.

But op, I'm glad you can see where some of us are coming from, and wish you well in the future and working it out with your dh.

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 15:11:39

My first delete!

I really don't think this munch is a bad thing, but I think talking about it with DH is not wise ATM and we need to try and sort the sex out first. I'm just frustrated guys, life's so short sad but thank you all for helping me see the bigger picture.

I love him to bits I don't expect anyone to have a perfect relationship let alone when one has autism, the other one is headstrong and we are still getting to know ourselves and find our way in the world.

I'm chill, we will sort it out.

dustarr73 Wed 19-Mar-14 14:09:49

It doesnt matter if its the unsexiest thing in the world but going to something to talk about sex and your fetishes will not end well.
You need to sort out your marriage first.If it was the other way around and it was your husband on here saying this he would be shot down.|And rightly so.

LiberalLibertine Wed 19-Mar-14 14:08:55

No, don't think she will somehow nilby why are you being deliberately goady?

nilbyname Wed 19-Mar-14 14:05:02

fabakergirl better duck! op will tell you to go fuck yourself in 5, just saying.

FabBakerGirl Wed 19-Mar-14 13:49:56

You seriously can't being children into an unhappy marriage, especially one where you hope your husband will curtail his unacceptable behaviour around them.

You need to break down and tackle each problem.

You aren't happy with your sex life and think meeting women who like things more exciting is the way to deal with it.

Your husband won't listen and acknowledge what you are saying.

You are not happy.

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 13:47:12

shakethetree Yeah it may be one of those things I look back on when I'm in my 30s and just be like "what were you doing!?" who knows. We live and learn.

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 13:45:58

OK. No munch at the moment, maybe in a month or two when things have settled. I'm going to google ASD and sex and see if there is anything I can be doing to help and I'm going to just be as non-judgemental and softly softly with him as possible and hope we can make things better.

As per, mumsnet rocks.

shakethetree Wed 19-Mar-14 13:45:56

Personally, I couldn't think of anything less sexy/erotic. A load of bored weirdos meeting up to discuss kinky sex - I feel a bit sorry for you tbh.

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 13:36:35

Not nerve, I just thought you were rude and unhelpful...but don't worry I am really waking up and smelling that lube...mmmmm. Silly lady smile

nilbyname Wed 19-Mar-14 13:34:28

Easy lovely, perchance I hit a nerve?

Wake up and smell the lubricant.

Have fun at your non sexual, talking about sex and fetishism, unsexy munch club.

Great respect and boundaries with your partner.

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 13:29:21

BadgersRetreat It is odd! I'll give you that smile

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 13:28:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The idea of going to meet a load of strangers in a pub to talk about sex is, to me, really fucking odd. But I acknowledge that's just my opinion.

nilbyname Wed 19-Mar-14 13:21:30

Wow, it's Like Teflon, op, you just keep pinging back any mention of cracks in your relationship.

Your lifestyle and desires and out of step with your partners. You can not communicate effectively together to sort it out. When you become parents down the line, he can sulk still, but has to be jolly in front of the kids. Tell me why your are not running from the hills from each other??

You are on a slippery slope with the munch thing. And denying it is duplicitous.

Can anyone here think how this would go if it were a man posting here instead of a woman?

A munch is about sex, sex is part of a relationship. This can't be likened to a hobby which can be persued as a solo activity

Have you been to a munch? It's the most unsexy place on earth. I'd get more turned on doing the Sainsburys shop

KissesBreakingWave Wed 19-Mar-14 13:17:12

Yeah, make it clear to your fella that bdsm doesn't necessarily, or even often, involve anything sexual. When I'm tying DP up, she's going into this beautiful calm, blissful meditative state and I'm hyper-alert to every little nuance of her and the rope. Entirely different to the way we are when DTD.

If you can convince him to learn a little shibari (rope bondage in the japanese style) - there are plenty of online tutorials - you can get him to treat it as a hobby, like say partner dancing.

StarShank Wed 19-Mar-14 13:15:09

Bloody autism, its so hard.

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