To go to a girls only kinky meet up? (I'm married)

(80 Posts)
StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:13:12

So there is a women only BDSM munch near me soon. I am going to ask/tell DH I am going to go tomorrow. Well, unless you lot tell me IABU! It is vanilla, so normal clothes, in a pub! It is just a place for kinky women to meet up to find friendship, they meet up once a month.

DH knows I am into submission and fetish stuff. When I say into I mean reading about it/bit of porn and I enjoy it the once every year or so we do have kinky sex. He is not really into it though..i doubt, he is quite vague on the subject.

Anyway, he is always talking about life passing him by and wanting to go and do more things but then just watches shit on TV and goes to work. We don't have that much sex, maybe once or twice a month (one of those often being a quickie). I want to go out and meet more people and live life a bit more before we try for kids in a few years time. I will never cheat on him, ever, I just crave this lifestyle and sitting watching TV most nights is driving me crazy.

AIBU to say "I really want to go" and if he has a problem with it just go anyway?

Whether it's kinky sex or a knitting club you have some work to do on your marriage - sounds like you are drifting apart. Can't you find something you both want to do together?

Quinteszilla Tue 18-Mar-14 23:17:31

So, a bunch of "kinky women", wearing normal clothes, meeting in a pub. Erm, I fail to see the appeal, but I guess it is up to you.

For all you know, it is just a bunch of bored women who fantasize about a kinky life, while usually just sitting stuck in front of the tv.

How about an exercise class? Yoga? Volunteering with the Red Cross?

HerrenaHarridan Tue 18-Mar-14 23:19:33

Go, don't spend your whole life wishing you had done stuff, just do it wink

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:20:18

"For all you know, it is just a bunch of bored women who fantasize about a kinky life, while usually just sitting stuck in front of the tv."

I'd fit right in then!!

I do choir and gym and friends. He does TV and alcohol.

He wants to play squash but there is only so long i will nag him about it, he doesn't actually get off his arse.

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:21:06

HerrenaHarridan - Thanks smile

LackingEnergy Tue 18-Mar-14 23:22:23

Go you may find you enjoy it and there will most likely be a munch that everyone can go to :-) do you talk about exploring kink with your DH?

Forgettable Tue 18-Mar-14 23:25:28

Well no need to ask permission, just say you are nipping to the pub for a drink with mates

(Is it awful I don't know what a munch is? #vanilla)

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:29:55

I did yeah, he doesn't give his opinion either way. Just overreacts and says "I don't want to change our whole relationship"...when I never mentioned that.

I tried to gently bring up the fact that we don't have that much sex (imo, 1.5 times a month is not enough for me) and I said I felt rejected at times as there is always an excuse as to why not. His reaction has been to be miserable and barely speaking/sulking for 3 days HOLD UP, not in an abusive arse way, he literally never does this and i can't stand sulking so I've been the one getting angry at him. He says "I'm not a real man, I can't satisfy you, I'm an autistic freak" sad poor bloke.

LackingEnergy Tue 18-Mar-14 23:30:01

A munch is an organised social meet up for kinky people or something like that. You can restrict the age range, gender etc or be open to everyone

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:30:36

Forgettable: I'm not though and he will ask what mates? I don't want to lie.

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:32:12

We have an array of naughty toys they just only get used once in a blue moon, which is almost more frustrating....you know the more i talk about this the more i think perhaps i ma being a spoilt brat and should be happy with what i have got.

Quinteszilla Tue 18-Mar-14 23:32:17

Just tell him you are looking for some lezzie luuvin. grin

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:32:35

am*

MummyBeerest Tue 18-Mar-14 23:34:16

Go. And have fun! Worst case scenario, you go, feel awkward and leave. Or just sit in the corner and drink.

But wrt to your DH-It sounds like he needs some additional help/support. Have you talked about that?

Forgettable Tue 18-Mar-14 23:34:16

Thanks, Lacking.

Every day's a school day, innit.

OP enjoy the munch.

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:37:12

MummyBeerest Yep I have said a few times since saturday "let's talk and try and sort something out". I've been empathic while attempting to problem solve for the most part (until today when i got angry because it is my birthday). Sexual support for ASD? Does that even exist!?

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:37:34

He has refused, as i said, sulking.

hickorychicken Tue 18-Mar-14 23:38:00

What happens at these meets?
Do you just talk about kinky sex?

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:39:34

hickorychicken I have no idea! I assume we will discuss "the lifestyle" -rolls eyes-

I've been to one. Mixed genders, all ages meeting for a bite to eat and a drink. Go for it.

hickorychicken Tue 18-Mar-14 23:42:00

See i would go just for a neb now!

Quinteszilla Tue 18-Mar-14 23:42:07

The "lifestyle" you have, or the one you want!?

It seems your dh is "dead weight".

Can you actually imagine to parent with him? How do you think he will be as a dad?

How long will it take you to conceive if you have sex 1.5 times per month?

LackingEnergy Tue 18-Mar-14 23:42:18

No, in fact the talk is vanilla unless you want to talk about kink

You go, meet some cool people, talk to them about anything, make some friends, eat food and drink drinks

StarShank Tue 18-Mar-14 23:48:19

neb??

LackingEnergy That sounds good! Sounds fun.

Quinteszilla Your getting a bit deep on me there. I'm chatting about kink not the complications of parenthood. But, yes, It is a concern, yes. I do worry. BUT he went to work all day and was fine all day, it is me who gets the brunt of it when he is home, he is perfectly capable of not acting like a stroppy child at work...so I'm hopeful he will manage this around the kids, if we do manage to conceive of course...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now