To feel a little offended at dd?

(31 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Tue 18-Mar-14 21:19:16

I know I am over reacting but I do everything for dd and with being a single Mum on a low income I still ensure she doesnt go without but its bloody hard as exh pays nothing.

She has LOADS and tbh I have bugger all.

I put some money in her account a few months ago and a last minute trip at school came up a few days before pay day. I asked her if I could take £16 out of the money (I put in) to pay for the trip or she couldnt go and I would give it her back as soon as I got paid which I did. Ive never done it before but didnt want her to miss trip, she was fine with it. I gave it back two days later.

My Mum was talking today about some money dd will inherit and told her it would be in trust till 21 for her. She piped up infront of dm and friend "yes but you wont be able to take it and spend it from me like you take all my other money will you?"
As though I am always taking her money from her!!

Aibu to feel just a little pissed off seeing I have fuck all and nearly every penny goes on making sure she doesnt go without? I feel a bit brassed off especially as its usually her that borrows money from me when shes left her pocket money at home.

I know IABU just feel rather offended! Shes 11.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 18-Mar-14 21:21:26

Oh I would have pulled her up on that right there and then cheeky little madam.

GingerMaman Tue 18-Mar-14 21:21:45

Why did you pay her back for it? Her trip from her money. End of.

Yanbu for being offended, but yabu for letting her feel entitled to money you put in her account.

Princessolipops Tue 18-Mar-14 21:21:56

Cheeky wee madam!!!angry

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 18-Mar-14 21:23:48

Gobsmackingly rude. About time she started learning the value of money.

littlewhitebag Tue 18-Mar-14 21:23:58

I am rather wondering why you are putting money into her account if you are going without? It might be better to only give her what you can afford and spend a little on yourself. She may then appreciate the value of money a bit better.

CocktailQueen Tue 18-Mar-14 21:24:39

There's no point her having money in her bank account if you don't have enough for day to day expenses.

Maybe you could give her less, give yourself more - and teach her some valuable life lessons along the way??

Agree that she was a little madam. Does she take you for granted?

moldingsunbeams Tue 18-Mar-14 21:24:44

I did itiswhatitis, its really hurt me tbh!

phonebox Tue 18-Mar-14 21:24:55

If she's 11 and not earning her own money, then it's yours.

Isn't the account in your name until she's 16 anyway?

This is the drawback with teaching money independence...it's not really their money until they're old enough to be working for it.

EverythingCounts Tue 18-Mar-14 21:25:28

That is not the attitude you want, at all. At 11 she is old enough to understand financial decision making and that you go without to allow her to have things. I would stop loaning her money if she forgets her pocket money, for a start (does she pay that back, as promptly as you did her, by the way?) And I would look carefully at what money you give her and what for.

MargotLovedTom Tue 18-Mar-14 21:25:31

No yanbu at all, and I don't think she's too young to understand why. You could sit her down and explain it like you have in your op.

Tbh I would've been miffed, and as pp said I would've pulled her up about it there and then.

unlikelynamechange Tue 18-Mar-14 21:27:47

yanbu

She probably thought she was being funny but I understand why you were a bit hurt.

flowers

moldingsunbeams Tue 18-Mar-14 21:31:24

Basically the money I put in her account had been spare a few months before and put in her account for incidences such as this (short notice trips/birthday invites/whatever)

All the day to day expenses had been paid it was just one of those moment when several things break/unexpected requests from school right before pay day.

She has been told I will be ensuring I have more now as a result.

steff13 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:32:38

Oh my goodness, you are not being unreasonable. I think I'd be tempted to pay for her bare necessities only, from this point forward.

daisychain01 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:33:38

Tbh, it's the sort of thoughtless comment an 11 yo makes, without thinking how it sounds when they say it out loud! Also DCs have no concept of parents having any feelings whatsoever. I wouldn't take it to heart, even tho it cuts like a razor-blade.

Could you have a quiet chat with her and explain she is old enough to start thinking before she speaks, because comments like that are hurtful especially when they aren't true.

birdybear Tue 18-Mar-14 21:34:19

Why does she have LOADS and you have bugger all? Why are you asking her what to do with your money?
I would suggest the reason she reacted like this is because you have taught her to think it is her money when it is not. You have given her money when you shouldn't have. You should have loads, and you give her some. You are getting the attitude you have taught her to have!

mrsjay Tue 18-Mar-14 21:35:48

ok from now on the cheeky little buggar pays for all her school trips or you just stop giving her money just buy her needs not wants she will soon learn the value of a pound dont be upset she is only 11 but maybe she just doesnt realise how hard you have it, if she was mine she would soon learn mind you

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 18-Mar-14 21:36:12

Sorry OP but your daughter said a really horrible thing. She's not stupid - presumably - she must know that you go without things yourself. Her expenses come out of the pot and only what is leftover after you have also had what you need - that you actually want to put in - should be going in.

I would give her pocket money (whatever you can afford but not over the average) and make her work for anything else, also expecting her to do things because that's what family members do.

If I would have been your mum and heard this, I would have pulled my granddaughter up very quickly, putting her in her place.

I'm not surprised you were upset. It was a really brattish thing to say and I hope she feels ashamed.

CharlotteCollins Tue 18-Mar-14 21:37:22

If the money you put in her account was to cover trips, why did you pay it back? confused

Forgettable Tue 18-Mar-14 21:37:33

Lovely supportive message there birdybear.

Molding, time for a rethink, maybe a diff account in your name for these incidentals? Chin up, children sometimes have no filter.

CharlotteCollins Tue 18-Mar-14 21:39:06

As a single mum, you must look after yourself and make sure you have enough, since nobody else is likely to.

I think you're right to rein in the giving a little!

moldingsunbeams Tue 18-Mar-14 21:40:14

Birdy honestly I think I have over compensated for the shit she has gone through and being constantly let down by exh who has now buggered off. I know thats really crap.

Her loads is actually probably no where near what other kids have but its loads compared to what I own.

mrsjay Tue 18-Mar-14 21:40:49

Chin up, children sometimes have no filter

yeah ^ ^ really sometimes they open their mouths without thinking or knowing

mrsjay Tue 18-Mar-14 21:41:59

please dont try and give her stuff to compensate for him being a shit dad it isnt your fault he did this to her, I know you probably want to give her the best but she needs to realise it isnt all her money YOU earned it

Forgettable Tue 18-Mar-14 21:43:05

I know mine did, mrsjay

Cringe factor several million sometimes

But they learn, and eventually turn into quite naice people, mostly. Haha.

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