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AIBU to be angry with DD for reading my book

(143 Posts)
hakunamatata8 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:09:03

Just caught DD sneakily reading my book 'Angela's Ashes'. She is 9 and in my view too young to deal with the themes in her book. Ideas please on how to address this with her tom as she is now asleep.

mrsjay Tue 18-Mar-14 21:18:58

I used tor ead my nanas mills and boons and barbara cartland if i wanted anything steamy grin

Potol Tue 18-Mar-14 21:20:02

My parents had a 'read whatever you like but you may not understand everything policy'. It meant that there were no taboo books and no burning curiosity to read them. Also most books that are inappropriate for a particular age are also dull for that age group. I did read well above my age but often stuck to age appropriate books because they appealed more.

pointythings Tue 18-Mar-14 21:20:15

I'd just keep it low key and tell her that in future you would like her to check with you before reading any of your books. Anger isn't a helpful response, you need to be guiding her towards material that is suitable to both her advanced reading skills and her young age.

CrohnicallyChanging Tue 18-Mar-14 21:20:52

I agree that reading is different to viewing. If a concept is too adult for them, they simply won't comprehend it, or will take a different meaning than that intended by the author. Whereas with viewing the pictures are as the creator intended whether you're ready for them or not (does that make sense?)

I remember when I was 10 telling my teacher I had been reading Flowers in the Attic. My teacher was extremely surprised to say the least. But I just thought it was a sad book about some poor children and thought I was very grown up being able to read one of my mum's books.

I re read it as an adult and was shocked at the incestual themes in there- they had completely gone over my head as a 10 year old (even though I had a reading age off the charts) and I finally understood why my teacher was so surprised.

Delphiniumsblue Tue 18-Mar-14 21:22:03

At that age I would pick up any book that I came across if it looked interesting. I wouldn't make a big thing of it, it makes it more interesting.

phonebox Tue 18-Mar-14 21:22:22

YABU and precious

Totally agree with a poster upthread - if they're old enough to understand it, they're old enough to read it

And you would be unreasonable to have a copy of 50 shades in any case!

Pippilangstrompe Tue 18-Mar-14 21:22:50

I disagree completely with if she is old enough to read it she should be allowed to. Reading ability does not correspond to maturity. She doesn't have to read books for little kids if her reading ability is more advanced, but her reading matter should be suitable for her age. Much like you wouldn't sit her down to watch a film classified for over 18s because she can't handle the content at her age, you don't let her read books with themes that are meant only for an adult audience.

BeyondRepair Tue 18-Mar-14 21:23:19

I always sneeked into books as a child.

PoppettyPing Tue 18-Mar-14 21:24:21

I'd be thankful she has interest in actual books and not glued to a bloody iPad or whatever!

Agree with everyone, not worth getting angry about, just a nice chat about what she may have read will do, does she have any questions etc.

NurseyWursey Tue 18-Mar-14 21:25:28

I was reading the Mills and Boon my mum left in the bathroom at age seven blush

Just say it's too old for her? Job done.

CurlyBlueberry Tue 18-Mar-14 21:26:06

I feel a bit sad that a curious child who is into reading and picked up a book has resulted in an angry mother TBH. If you feel certain books are off-limits then keep them somewhere that is only 'yours' e.g. a bedside drawer.

As a child I was a ferocious reader and read anything and everything I could get my hands on. Surely reading is to be encouraged? Telling her off will only result in decreasing her natural curiosity and enjoyment of books.

I agree with Crohnically about the difference between reading and viewing.

hakunamatata8 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:26:11

To answer some of the questions

Yes she is old enough to understand it, she reads anything she can get her hands on and generally i dont mind because i was like this up at her age and sometimes walked and read,ate and read you get the drift.

I think my annoyance is more because she did not ask me first, and because i know what a depressing book it is as ive read it before.

I asked how i should respond to this because i did not want to over react as i usually do, and because i know i would get some decent advice.

And no it is not fifty shades hidden in the cover ha!

FrumiousBandersnatch Tue 18-Mar-14 21:27:00

Please don't tell her off or make a big deal of it.

Explain briefly why it's unsuitable ('this book is about a man who had a very difficult childhood and some parts are very sad, so it's not appropriate right now'). No more, or you'll make it even more appealing.

Then, 'what interested you about the book?'. Maybe it's the period, the genre of autobiography, the Irish setting, the focus on children - whatever. Then, 'OK, let's go to the library tomorrow / Saturday to find a different book with some of those things that you might like.'

But overall, my congratulations on having an intellectually curious daughter. It is an instinct that will take her far; please don't squash it.

hakunamatata8 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:27:12

poster CurlyBlueberry save your sadness for another child who is less fortunate than mine.

notnowbernard Tue 18-Mar-14 21:27:22

must move Irvine Welsh collection

CrohnicallyChanging Tue 18-Mar-14 21:27:52

Yes potol- the flowers in the attic conversation with my teacher came about because we were talking about books we'd hated.

mrsjay Tue 18-Mar-14 21:28:10

oh so you have not been really angry with her ok just say she is far to young to be reading this book she can when she is a bit older and she should always ask before she touches your things job done and god angelas ashes was bloody depressing I had to stop reading it for a while

MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe Tue 18-Mar-14 21:29:59

My parents also never made books contraband; it was a case of read it but you may not understand it - sure enough some books I read and understood, others I read a few pages of, didn't understand, and put them down again. It's my parents I have to thank for the fact that I've always had a very advanced reading and writing age throughout school.

Although I was once very shitty precocious to a maternity leave cover teacher who didn't believe me. We were about 9 and she was asking us what books we wanted to read in the next few weeks, the others were talking Sleepover Club and that sort of thing, she asked me and I said "Little Women and A Little Princess". Substitute teacher scoffed and said "They're too difficult for your age, and you'd find them boring".

I tootled off to the library with my mum, got the books, read them both over the space of a week and then went back and told her she didn't know what she was talking about, I found them very enjoyable and not in the least bit difficult.

In my defence I've always been a cocky little shit known for not pulling any punches blush

TheGreatHunt Tue 18-Mar-14 21:30:17

Keep it out of reach then. She is 9 and curious!

hakunamatata8 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:31:23

I think I will talk to her tomorrow and will try not to make too big a deal of it. Also for the people suggesting i may need to get her books that stretch her more but more age appropriate. I think you may e right as she goes through books at such a rapid pace so maybe she's bored.

Confession; Another secret reader of my mums mills & boons, so im a hypocrite when it comes to this.

lavenderhoney Tue 18-Mar-14 21:32:56

I've also got hoards of books and ds often picks them out and has a go. He is 7. He puts them back if he doesn't like it. Or I say " that's a bit grown up isn't it?" And he says yes or no.

I have old fashioned books though, so he wont get the detailed description in Madame bovary of the bedroom about bedposts etc are actually about sexsmile even if he got that farsmile

It depends on your books tbh. They see you reading and want to have a go. Does she like cs lewis or the Austen's? Plenty of emotion in thosesmile or nancy Mitford?

hakunamatata8 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:33:07

No have not had a go at her, as she was half asleep and i was getting her into bed, thats when i noticed it peaking out under her pillow.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Tue 18-Mar-14 21:33:09

I wouldn't be angry with her

Do you have a specific rule in your house that all books DD reads have to be approved by you first? If you don't, then I think YABU to be annoyed, because she hasn't done anything wrong by picking out a book that looks interesting to her. She doesn't know whats in it after all, and she's not deliberately doing a "hmm what book can I read that will annoy mum the most?". If you do have that rule, then I wouldn't react angrily to her, but remind her of the rule and deal with it calmly

I have so many books in the house, but the ones that I think are not suitable for my 9 year old son to read (like 50 shades) are kept in my bedroom and there's a "don't take anything from mum's bedroom without asking" rule. All the books anywhere else in the house are for anyone to read. I do have Angela's Ashes downstairs now I think about it, but I'm fine with that.

CharlotteCollins Tue 18-Mar-14 21:33:29

I'm not sure why she has to ask you first before reading it. Put it back where she found it, yes.

My DD picked up "How to Talk..." once and really got into it. I wasn't very comfortable with her reading it, so I moved it somewhere less obvious while she was asleep. She's not given it another thought.

lavenderhoney Tue 18-Mar-14 21:34:47

And my dm used to hide her jackie Collinssmile

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