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To be miffed about his attitude towards my degree?

(105 Posts)
Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:08:37

I am currently finishing a degree, I am doing pretty well with it, have got consistently good grades right the way through. When I talk about my further study, or jobs that I might get, my husband says 'well that depends if you get good enough grades' every. single. time.

Its really beginning to grate on me, he has just done it again on the phone and its really made me down. I know I have the capability to achieve the grades I need but I really wish that he had more faith in me.

ScarletStar Tue 18-Mar-14 21:13:02

He sounds a bit jealous. Say that to him and see if he goes mental, which will be your proof. grin

phonebox Tue 18-Mar-14 21:14:41

That's weird.

Everyone knows it's not just the classification, but also work experience counts for just as much, if not more, these days.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:16:52

Well I've got lots of work experience, both paid and voluntary. That does make me feel better, beginning to doubt myself a bit!

Roshbegosh Tue 18-Mar-14 21:17:31

Maybe it is his gentle way of saying he thinks your expectations are not realistic. Maybe he has heard enough of you going on about how amazing things will be once you have a degree so just stop going on about it and see what you end up with.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:18:39

My expectations are to be in a better position to support our family when qualified. That's about it really.

HumphreyCobbler Tue 18-Mar-14 21:21:51

Your degree mark doesn't come as a major surprise though, does it? You pretty much know what you are going to get.

I would find this annoying.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:26:07

It is really annoying.

EverythingCounts Tue 18-Mar-14 21:29:19

It seems odd that you are getting good marks, yet he says 'ah... if you get good enough marks' to you, as if he doesn't believe you or thinks you are exaggerating. Have you tried saying 'You sound like you don't believe me that I'm doing well'? It does sound as if he is trying to put you down by expressing it in this way. If he was saying 'even good grades don't guarantee a job these days' (which they don't) it would come across differently.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:31:45

Well I show him the marks. It's very strange, like he thinks I will just suddenly fail or something.

I am quite sick of it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 18-Mar-14 21:40:43

Maybe stop talking to him about it so much if he's not interested in the updates? Perhaps he just wants the highlights, ie. date of your graduation and where you're going for a celebration lunch afterwards.

My mum was always talking about her grades - and asking me about mine. I really wasn't that interested over and above saying 'Great, keep going' and didn't talk about mine at all despite prompting. People are different, it doesn't mean that they're not rooting for you.

wowfudge Tue 18-Mar-14 21:41:09

Maybe it's his way of encouraging you so that you don't get complacent? He knows you are doing really well, with a bit more welly you can do exceptionally.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:42:24

he is my husband. I want to talk to him about my day, how things are going and what I have been up to.

I thought that was just normal, I don't think that when talking about my day and what things I have been up to should give him free reign to put me down, I think what gets to me most is that he seems to want to put me down, that doesn't seem healthy to me.

NoodleOodle Tue 18-Mar-14 21:47:53

It would annoy me too, must be something up - agree, he might be jealous?

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 18-Mar-14 21:47:59

I'd ask him why he feels it necessary to insult you instead of being happy that you should be earning more at the end of it.

Technical Tue 18-Mar-14 21:49:05

Does he have a degree? Is it likely/possible that you're classification will be higher than his? If successful will you be the higher earner in time?

DH was really supportive about my degree (2:1!!) and was sure to tell everyone so I didn't have to brag personally grin . He did however, have a bit of a personal crisis when my qualifications "worked" and I became the higher earner. He didn't behave badly towards me and was pleased for me and the benefits it brought the family but he did feel it IYSWIM. He wouldn't be able to articulate it well but deep down somewhere there was a feeling that he "should" be the main breadwinner. Might DH be having similar feelings?

Georgina1975 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:49:24

People can react in the must unexpected ways. Could he be sat there thinking that you are boasting...perhaps putting him down a little by highlighting you achievements a lot? Could he feel threatened?

Just ask him.

And feel proud of your marks...anybody who thinks a degree is just a bit of paper blah, blah, blah has probably never done one. You also need a very good skill set to get high marks. Keep it up.

Maybe he's worried that you won't be the 'woman' any more ie you will be well-qualified and able to get a decent job and therefore he won't be able to regard you as his cute little domestic animal. Has he got a lot invested in the idea of being the superior person in the relationship ie is he older than you, higher-earning or has already got a degree?

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 21:58:12

He hasn't got a degree.

I already have a higher qualification than him but he has been quick to point out that his NVQ2 is more work and more important than mine.

I am worried that if it continues I will become quite resentful of him.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 18-Mar-14 21:59:44

If you feel he's putting you down then pull him up on it. It's one thing to be a bit blasé over something someone is doing that is important to them and not to you, but if they feel hurt by it then of course, that needs to stop.

I suppose it depends how much you talk about it -v- how interested he is in it. Yes, of course you have the right to talk about your day but if he's really disinterested in your course then ask him why. It doesn't mean that he's not proud of you and your achievement.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 18-Mar-14 22:00:58

x-posted with you, Fify. I didn't pick up that he might be feeling threatened by your degree in some way. You'll have to tell him how you feel when he makes these comments.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 22:05:42

I just have told him how I feel, via email as he is abroad.

Fifyfomum Tue 18-Mar-14 22:06:49

Sorry am trying to type on my phone , I don't mean to be abrupt and I really appreciate the support.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 22:08:48

I think you nailed it with your 21:58 post, tbh

Expect rocky times ahead.

Hissy Tue 18-Mar-14 22:10:38

What a horrible little man!

Make sure that he packs this malarky in right now.

How dare he bring you down.

If he's so worried you'll leave him behind, nothing stopping him getting off his arse and bettering himself is there?

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