In the treatment of BIL?

(76 Posts)
MrsPear Tue 18-Mar-14 19:58:46

So first aibu ....

Bil turns up just over two years ago. He moved in with me, dh and our small child to a small 2 bed flat. Landlord decides to sell so we have to move because bil is still there complaining about sleeping on the sofa we moved to a three flat plus we had baby 2 at this point. He still complains doesn't like the area, the room is too small, dh has stuff in his room, he doesn't like the way I do his washing and the fact I don't iron everything, the fact I ask him to tidy up after himself and make his own drinks and breakfast or that that the food I cook for dinner is too foreign. Oh and there is a draft, the heating is not enough - wear a jumper - basically complaint after complaint in two years. He has never paid us anything.

So Sunday he sits in his room talking on the phone so loudly that I have turn the TV up in the living room which is across the hall. I snapped and I shouted. I am sorry for shouting but I have had enough. He says I am a bully and bursts into tears. I am stopping him talking to his family and going to the loo in the morning. I said no I am asking you not to shout and bang doors. I asking you to think of others this a flat with a central hallway. No I am a bully and he has left.

Dh's family are cross and don't understand why I have been so fed up. Is it so odd to just want a home for me, dh and the children? I have felt restricted with a guest who hasn't left. I just want to slob on the sofa and watch trash or even just sit cuddle dh. Can't do that brother is here.

So have been unreasonable?

Dh is stuck between a rock and a hard place with me and the kids on one side and family back home the other.

If you recognise me please don't say

AngelaDaviesHair Wed 26-Mar-14 13:19:47

Well, it all came to a head. I can see you might feel bad it came to a confrontation, but it's good that he's gone and you are rid of him. Don't let him back in.

And I think your DH has let you down really, not thinking of your needs and feelings and not negotiating with his brother a living arrangement that suited everyone, rather than just suiting your BIL.

And not everyone does this, even if they are from a culture that apparently might expect it. My father comes from such a culture but generally refused to have relatives living with us except on a couple of occasions and he did lay down some strict rules about what was being offered/expected. When one of my cousins rather tried it on demanding I pay for stuff other relatives rang to apologise.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now