Inspired by the stingy vs savvy thread, I am wondering what the views are on this issue in my own family.
My cousin has a well-paid professional job. In fact, she has one of those jobs where you mention the title and people would say 'oh, he/she must be well off'. However, she has chosen not to ever work full time, even before she had children. She is the main wage earner, but because she works PT their income is moderate, I would guess about 35 k.
Her DH had a very poorly paid job when they met and got married. He then did an access course, returned to university and graduated. He then worked for a couple of years before returning to university to do another undergraduate degree in a completely different field, something which is low paid (will always be under the average wage) but requiring a high degree of committment. So they have taken decisions that he will do this and they will pay the necessary fees and living expenses while he is studying. He has not worked at all during either his first or his second degree.
They belong to a group of people where there is a lot of handing down items. I agree with this in principle, as I am quite happy to pass things on via freecyle, buy from charity shops, ebay etc, but it seems that they literally only ever get something if it is free of charge these days and are increasingly coming across as a bit grabby. Likewise, I don't really see them passing much on.
My cousin has just had a second baby and the other day texted and asked me for some particular baby items. I am not keen to give them, as she knows that I am hoping to have a second baby as soon as possible myself. She is aware that I have fertility issues and I think it is a bit tactless to ask for our baby things in these circumstances. However, I am genuinely delighted for her that she has had a second baby and bought them a nice gift, which I posted as soon as the baby was born. I will also be taking further baby gift items when we go to see the baby.
However, what really irritates me is that when our first babies were born, hers was a bit older and she said to me that I could have a pack of bedding as she had bought more than she needed and did not have the receipt. I asked her if she was sure, as I could quite happily buy it myself and checked if she would want it back. She clearly said, 'no, they had plenty and would not be needing it back'. However, some time later, she made a big issue about wanting back the bedding in question - asking me via phone and text. At that point I had already packed it away in the loft and it was a real nusiance to sort through all my baby things and find those particular items. I eventually found it and posted it back to her - a huge amount of faff for an 8 packet of bedding which I regret ever accepting from her!
AIBU to slightly resent her asking for these items, given that they seem to be continually on the hunt for freebies, yet the only time she freely offered to give me something as a permanent gift, she wanted it back ASAP?
AIBU?
To slightly resent being asked for things in this situation
PilatesAvoider · 18/03/2014 15:41
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I included the info about life/work choices in order to illustrate that this is not a needy family and one which could be viewed as having chosen to be less financially comfortable than they could be. But fair enough, they live their life; I live mine.
The other element to it is that they are church-goers, so the 'freely receiving freebies' side of things is accompanied by a theme of this being God providing for and blessing them...One conversation with her did veer dangerously close to her implying that 'some people' prioritise money over more important things. 
Last year I did have a big clear out of baby things (before she was pregnant and when there was no sign that she might be having a second baby) and offered and gave away quite a few things to couples who were having first babies, whom I knew were on low incomes. So I have no problem with passing things on - it is just that the clothes and items that I now have left are the ones that I really want to keep and am a bit gutted that they don't currently have a warm little baby inside. :(
I am going to say no, but feel a bit irritated all the same. Hopefully, for the sake of our relationship, I will only express this irritation on MN!
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