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AIBU?

a better offer?

53 replies

Catnuzzle · 17/03/2014 20:13

I have asked a friend and her DS if they would like to join me, my DDs, another friend and her DD for a day out during the easter hols.
Is it unreasonable to expect them to check the calendar and commit one way or the other? A response of 'can I let u know nearer the time?' smacks of 'i might get a better offer in between now and then, which, quite frankly, is rather disrespectful.
AIBU?

OP posts:

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TheBody · 17/03/2014 20:17

might be cost? for me that would be an issue depending in where you were going. she might not want to admit it.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:19

I would feel the same and be a bit miffed Cat.

NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 20:19

I have to say this because sometimes things come up or I've not enough money. I've never thought it disrespectful and I hope my friend's didn't think so. It's never been because of another offer.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:20

Did you phone? would the calendar have been to hand?

craftynclothy · 17/03/2014 20:21

When I say that it usually means I'm waiting to hear if family are visiting or when is convenient for us to visit them.

But I get what you mean. I'd usually expand on it as above.

NiaceGuidelines · 17/03/2014 20:22

For goodness sake, the easter holidays are weeks and weeks away! Youve not invited her on a bloody long weekend or a holiday, its a day out. Get a grip! Are you always this uptight?

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:23

Niace are you always this arsey?

Only1scoop · 17/03/2014 20:25

Maybe they are possibly going away. It's ages yet....
I'd just assume they won't be joining you.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:27

Nothing wrong with wanting to make arrangements in advance is there?

Catnuzzle · 17/03/2014 20:28

Sparkling I sent a text. Took 24 hrs to get a response.

Naice Did you mean to be so rude? I asked if I was BU. Did you consider this might be a pattern of behaviour rather than a one off?

I hadn't considered finances, althouugh I don't think this is an issue and the day out is local, with a picnic and not very expensive, but I suppose it could be.

Thanks for the helpful comments.

OP posts:

NiaceGuidelines · 17/03/2014 20:28

sparkling It's exactly the sort of thing i'd say. 'can i get back to you?'. I'd be happy for my friends to say the same. I dont think it's unreasonable.

I'm having a bad week.

kerala · 17/03/2014 20:35

I wouldn't leap to negative conclusions (and I can over think stuff like this). I would assume she was waiting on other things not necessarily "better offer" but variables like maybe her partner will be taking a day off work and its not approved yet or maybe she may go and stay with her parents if auntie Edna hasn't taken a turn or the worse etc

NiaceGuidelines · 17/03/2014 20:40

Did you consider this might be a pattern of behaviour rather than a one off?

Is not replying to texts immediately and asking to get back to people later with a decision a 'pattern of behaviour' ?

Gosh. I think i need to take a look at myself!

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/03/2014 20:41

I wouldn't want to commit to a day this early. I'd rather wait till the week before. I hate being tied down and having everything planned weeks in advance.
It does sound like a nice day out, though, so I would def want to go.

CoffeeTea103 · 17/03/2014 20:46

You seem like hard work if this is the conclusion you come up with about your friend.
I very often give that response, I check with DH if we don't have anything planned. So yabu.

Catnuzzle · 17/03/2014 20:48

Harriet your welcome to join us!

I like to plan ahead and know that I have stuff to look forward to and as I work and don't have a lot a free time to be able to do this sort thing.

I'm probably overthinking it. Thanks all.

OP posts:

NearTheWindymill · 17/03/2014 20:53

I agree with the OP. If someone asks me to do something and if I've something half arranged already I usually say "I'm just waiting to hear from x but is it alright if I let you know next Wednesday". If it is that's fine - if tickets are to be bought then I say I'm sorry but I can't commit.

littlebluedog12 · 17/03/2014 20:53

It could be anything... tbh I've vaguely agreed to a few things over the easter hols, including playdates, family staying over and days out. No firm dates set though. If it's not something you need to book tickets for I don't see the problem.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 21:01

I hate last minute arrangements-much prefer to have stuff organised. Seems I am in the minority. The 'tied down' bit is so sad. Tied down to a lovely day out and picnic with a friend?

Rabbitcar · 17/03/2014 22:22

I agree it's rude, OP. Of course it's fine to check arrangements with DP etc and then reply, but not this 'I might get a better offer' approach.

NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 22:26

How is it a 'might get a better offer' approach?

Stars66 · 17/03/2014 22:30

I love having things booked up ahead, I know which days I work, which I have available to meet friends and which days dd does swimming lessons. So no, YANBU to expect a date or a reason for not committing. Although I have been known to take a day to reply to a text as calendar is in other room and then I forget am too busy nosing on MN

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NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 22:31

I often have to say this too because of my depression, sometimes I can't commit to things because I don't know how I'm going to feel. And I don't like to commit and then have to let people down and them be angry at me..

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 22:32

If they are true friends if you explain that to them they should understand NW.

TheBody · 17/03/2014 22:35

I think it depends on the friend tbf.

if she has key down form then don't expect much but if she's generally nice then sure it's just checking family stuff.

I had a friend like this who seemed rude, turned out her dh who we all thought was nice was a violent controlling arse who she had to beg to let her out.

we had no idea at the time. you never know really.

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