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to think attitudes to carers still stink in this country?

(52 Posts)
fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:12:23

(There is a small element of 'fred about a fred' to this, for which apologies)

1) Having been engaged in a lengthy difference of opinion with me on another thread, a poster has this evening announced that she can see from my posting history that I am 'not a grafter'.

She can only be referring to the 'years out' that I took to care for my child who has Autism (the only break from paid employment I have ever had).

2) Also this week, have applied for my first PAYE job in a while (10 hours a week to supplement my freelance career and provide variety). A friend in a related (mine is very niche) field offered to look over the CV I had adapted for the purpose.

Even she (I am disappointed) made a remark to the effect that I couldn't call the years in question a 'break to provide care for a family member' as the person in question is my child.

Two in one week. I'm speechless.


2)

YouTheCat Mon 17-Mar-14 19:14:12

What twats!

Yes, you can have a sodding break to care for children, more so if your child has autism and therefore there is no bloody childcare available.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:21:25

To be fair my 'friend' was trying to help (I think) - she was suggesting I just called it a break bringing up children or some such. Thought it would 'sound better'. Why does it sound better?

And as for 'not being a grafter' I've never worked so hard in my life as when I was at home full time with DC with ASD (many many hospital and clinic appts, learning SEN law from scratch, hours of home-based therapeutic input, advocating etc on top of the obvious stuff.

Much harder work than newborns.

Meant to say in OP; a friend with a similarly-profiled child, who lives in Spain, tells me she never encounters such oddness.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:22:21

Yes Cats - suitable childcare for DC with Autism is a whole thread in itself.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:29:43

Actually any kind of care for anyone with any kid of disability is an issue. Particularly in this climate. And a big part of why people become full time carers.

I have an elderly neighbour whose husband has Alzheimer's. She has just been assessed as qualifying for 1.5 hours respite a week. Despite no family nearby. Despite her own frailty. I fetch her shopping sometimes. Another neighbour does her garden. But it's not enough.

LetZygonsbeZygons Mon 17-Mar-14 19:31:56

YES! absolutely. and that's why were dismissed as nobodys by the bloody government too! OP ill pm you.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:41:26

Thanks Let. Just so depressing that these attitudes exist.

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 19:46:33

To top that all off we are lumped in with the benefit claiming scum who are living a life of luxury I fucking wish .

I don't talk to a single soul about my home life now, not even my mates. I'm sick to death of all the comments, slip ups & judgements which are all then glossed over with the predictable and patronising "Oh but not you, you're different".

It's no wonder carers on the whole are bloody depressed and lonely.

LetZygonsbeZygons Mon 17-Mar-14 19:50:22

^^ exactly Smiles.

I have to be on benefits as im a fulltime carer for DC and hate this stigma and lumping with the Jeremy kyle culture.

my DC didn't ask to be disabled and I didn't ask for her to be either. I used to work fulltime before DC.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:51:29

"I don't talk to a single soul about my home life now, not even my mates. I'm sick to death of all the comments, slip ups & judgements which are all then glossed over with the predictable and patronising "Oh but not you, you're different"."

Really shouldn't come to that, should it? Quite understand why you do it, though.

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 19:54:53

I even struggle to talk to others who's children are disabled as it then becomes a competition over who has it worse. Especially if they have family to help look after the child while they go to work.

It's a never ending fight against the tide.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 19:54:58

The level of Carer's Allowance certainly helps set the tone.

What is it, £60 pw now?

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 19:57:15

£60 a week? News to me. I'm still getting the very generous £55.

My neighbour was stunned when I told him how much it actually was and that it's not even extra, it's taken off Income support to add insult to injury.

He thought I was raking it in.

LetZygonsbeZygons Mon 17-Mar-14 19:59:11

I even struggle to talk to others who's children are disabled as it then becomes a competition over who has it worse. Especially if they have family to help look after the child while they go to work.

exactly. altho tbh sometimes I do that as I really do have no one at all in the world to help me!

Op Ive just had to fill in the form again about the allowance. its around that amount.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 20:01:08

£55?! And you can't afford a life of luxury? What are you spending it all on wink

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 20:01:31

It's shit. In so many ways. NOTHING can prepare you for it.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 20:03:57

Yes smiles! There seems to be this assumption that everyone has three generations of family and inlaws living round the corner to help out?

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 20:04:13

I'm spending it on fuck off sized flat screen tellys, booze, drugs and long haul holidayz innit. You know, the usual.

To be honest, I have no idea where it goes because it gets swallowed up by one bill or another, I don't even see it. It's just a set of printed letters and numbers on my bank statement.

NecklessMumster Mon 17-Mar-14 20:05:03

Ask your local authority for a carers assessment? You can have a set amount per week towards something that gives you a break, or a lump sum . I've been doing them in adult care, some people have sitters or money to go to the pictures

LetZygonsbeZygons Mon 17-Mar-14 20:05:36

I know, we live the life of Riley! Cartier watches, Pandora bracelets, Jimmy Choo shoes, Prada bags, 100 inch plasma surround sound cinema systems, BMWs, a second home in Weybridge, luxury hols to the Maldives, food from harrods...........

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 20:09:31

Thank you for your advice Neckless but that's just the problem...there are no sitters for Autistic children that the money would go towards so I wouldn't get the break anyway.

It would take MONTHS for ds to get used to someone new looking after him (even if they were able to and knew what they were doing) so that's an extra expense I can't afford as it would also mean meeting said person away from the house (something else that sets him off, other people in the house). By the time he's got used to one person - they leave or it's all change. It's just not worth it.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 20:11:41

Actually, probably a stupid thing thing to say online when there are posting-history-vampires about, but one of the few times I really cried was when I got the Carers' Allowance letter telling me how much my time and effort and love was worth.

Then I sat down and worked out how much I was saving the gov't every year.

The CA rate is truly fucking insulting.

Smilesandpiles Mon 17-Mar-14 20:12:40

It certainly is insulting OP. It certainly is.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 20:12:55

"It would take MONTHS for ds to get used to someone new looking after him"

THIS^ It dictated every single thing I did for nearly a decade.

fideline Mon 17-Mar-14 20:14:13

I sometimes wonder what happen if all the Carer's had simultaneous nervous breakdowns and were hospitalised.

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