DH said when he collected DS1 (age 5) from nursery today there was a new male worker in his room. There has never been a male worker there before.
I know most of you will say IABU but I feel very uneasy about this. DH is indifferent.
I know only a small percent of men are abusers and I know women are capable of abusing children and have been convicted of such offences - but I would still prefer him to be looked after by females at this young age.
The vast majority of sex abusers i hear about in the news are men and, whether this is fair or not, this makes me feel slightly less trusting towards men in general this regard. For example, if DS went missing in a shopping centre and was found by someone and looked after for a few minutes I would feel more comfortable if that person happened to be a women.
I also know that children are more likely to be abused by someone they know like a family member or friend of the family rather than by someone like a nursery worker.
DS has occasional accidents in nursery when he's distracted playing with his friends and doesn't make the toilet on time - and I would be extremely unhappy to have a male worker changing his clothes etc.
I know some people think its great to have a male influence for the children rather than an all female staff but this is not important to me. DS interacts regularly with our male relatives and friends so he is not missing out in that regard. I know that is not the case for all children.
DH heard my views and feels a bit sorry for the male worker who he says is just trying to make a living. However, for me my primary concern is feeling my children are as safe as possible.
Also, my other concern is DS2 (age 1). He is in the same nursery in another room. Sometimes the staff swap between the rooms. If the new male worker was in DS2's room - I would probably switch nurseries.
I was thinking maybe about talking to the nursery manager to get some reassurances that he will just be doing classroom work rather than changing clothes etc. I imagine I might come across as a bit OTT for expressing my concerns?
I'm sure many (maybe all?) of you think IABU and irrational about this - but do you think I should ignore my gut feeling on this because it is the politically correct thing to do.
AIBU?
Even if IABU, should I ignore my gut instinct in regards to a new male worker in DS's nursery?
iphoneaddict · 16/03/2014 00:56
That's a good point! Nursery doesn't go up to age 5. And it's Saturday. 
I think, and this is just my thoughts - until you have actually met the worker, and had chance to form a true opinion of him, you need to give him the benefit of the doubt so to speak.
I do know what you mean about it being "odd" (for want of a better word) for a male to be a nursery/childcare worker, but the ones I have come across, and who have cared for my DC over the years, have all been wonderful, and nothing but a positive influence/experience for my DCs.
That said, if I'd met one of them and then had a "feeling" of distrust/dislike, I would probably have acted on it, just because 
as I would if I'd taken a dislike/had a feeling about any of the female workers come to think of it.
Why not pop in and have a wee chat with this new worker one day? Or ask the manager outright if it is likely that your DS will be in his care. I'm not sure they won't think you're a tad, well, off, so to speak, but if you really feel that strongly, then you need to do something to set your mind at rest, and have arrangements you are comfortable with for your DS's care. It's all very well people saying "don't be daft" and such, but this is you son, and you can't help how you feel. What you can help is how and what you do about it iyswim.
Hopefully you'll meet this worker and he will be lovely, and surely he has to be CRB checked and have references and all that, to have been employed by a nursery?
You know that the greatest risk to your dc are those male family members, you said so in your op. Yes I think yabu, not because it's politically correct but because it's completely irrational.
I'm surprised your DH hasn't told you to cop on to yourself.
I would hope the nursery would support their staff member and politely request you move nurseries if that is how you feel.
I second Abbirhodes
My DP had this attitude 15 years ago from some neurotic mothers when he used to go into DSS's class helping kids to read.
Some of them thought it was "odd" a Dad would want to do it. But it was fine for Mums
It made him feel awful. He was a dad who worked in the evenings, separated from DSS's mum and it was a chance for him to help out at the school, and help DSS and his classmates learn to read.
Sad to see there are some bigoted people still around after all these years. Makes me fucking furious.
YABU. This post makes me very . You have 2 sons. What age is it that they will have to be kept 200 yards away from all under 18s lest someone has a bad "gut feeling"? This worker will have been through all the same checks (CRB or non-uk equivalent ) and training as his female colleagues.
I have an infant DS and sometimes reading the all men are rapists/abusers - in - waiting posts that you see on MN makes me sad for his future.
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