To not let dh look at sil wedding photos?(144 Posts)
Dh sister got married recently. Today mil gave us the photo book to look at but...
I have always had a huge phobia of having my picture taken, even as a child I hated it and I always avoid it. I hate how I look and especially how I look in photos.
A the wedding I avoided all except one picture and even then sil had to beg me to be in it. Obviously being nervous it wasn't a good photo and its in the book.
I had a look before dh and I just can't let him see it. I'm embarrassed enough having seen it myself. One wrong comment from him or laugh in a jokey way and it'll destroy me. I hate the way I look that much.
He asked to see them and I said no and I've hidden the book. I feel horrible. Maybe I should cover that page and sit with him so he can see the rest as dcs look lovely? I feel completely mad and really unhappy
The gp couldn't provide counselling, I am seen at the children's centre as they allow ds2 to be there as well and no other would allow him the and I couldn't get childcare. Its in same building as dd pre school so is ideal as don't have to travel.
When that finishes I will be having counselling for a traumatic event from two years ago that I need help with. After that I will seek help with confidence issues. I find it easier to try and deal with one thing at a time.
OP I'm afraid that I'm posting without having read the whole thread
sorry for committing a serious MN sin but I do know some of your situation from some of your other threads.
I just wanted to say that last year I spent a lot of time supporting a family where the mum died VERY suddenly. One of the hardest things for her three grieving children was that there are hardy any photos of their mum - and no recent ones - because she didn't like having her picture taken.
Please don't think I'm minimising the stress and anxiety that it causes you. But please, please find a way round this. On the positive front, the confidence boost you will get from addressing it will be huge.
At least go and talk this through with your GP who might reassess your counselling needs and look at different provision.
I currently have counselling once a week but that's for issues to do with dcs being unwell/coping with that. I'm waiting for counselling about another issue and will look into help for my problem with image/confidence/photos. Its just hard to find the time and childcare alongside dcs appts and looking after them, I will get round to it.
Hedgehog80 - please get some help. For your own sake as well as your children and husband. You only get one life. It is too long to spend it in fear.
And if you have seen my other posts and read them then you will know exactly what issues I'm dealing with but bear in mind I've namechanged twice in the five years or so I've been here and if you were to read all the posts in all usernames you might understand that its not attention seeking-I literally have no other place to go for advice etc .
I have posted in many other sections not just Aibu.
As for 'not taking advice'??! In the last few weeks I have made huge changes some was advised on here some from other sources-huge amount of financial advice accepted and now our money situation is better, advice from sn children's section and I've been working towards things to do with that, I've sought help for problems dcs have so in no way have I been resistant to help or change its just that from y posts you only get part of the picture not all of it and don't see what I'm doing/getting help with/sorting out.
Seriously OP you need help with all your issues.
You have countless threads with various problems raised and every time you are given brilliant and well thought out useful advice by caring posters. Yet every time you come up with reasons/excuses not to take it.
You always post in AIBU which usually ends up a bit bun flighty and you are advised time and time again by the nice posters not to post here because it always ends up the same way. But you still do.
I have reached the point where, I don't disbelieve your family situation but I think you post in AIBU it to get attention.
The seek counselling advice given by folk always ends up being the same on all your threads regardless of topic. Then someone comes along and knows your form gets fed up and says something negative, then others stick up for you and you sit back and revel in said bun fight.
Maybe it's time you listened to the good advice that is repeated to you time and time again
And if you'd seen her other posts you'd realise her children have health problems - so your previous comment was inappropriate. You sound about as delightful as her mother.
AlansLeftMoob I have seen the OP's other posts. And I still think you sound appallingly insensitive.
And before you lot start attacking me you may want to look at OP's other numerous posts - if they are serious, the woman has serious, serious issues that AIBU will not fix. Photographs are the least of her problems.
Well, I'm not a psychiatrist, but it sounds to me very like body dysmorphia. And in some ways that is rather like anorexia. When I was anorexic I was told I was attention seeking, dramatic, self-indulgent, childish, manipulative and immature. All true: it goes with the disease.
I don't imagine for one second the OP is feeling good about herself, do you? So does it help, really, to just tell her a few more times how crap she is? To suggest she should be feeling just a little more shame?
Good point devora Feel free to choke on a fucking pie alan.
Bye bye, you pest.
Sorry Devora it sounds incredibly attention seeking and total rubbish. I despise cameras but would never make such a big deal over someone seeing a picture of me. For that matter, it was an occasion so presumably the OP was dressed up nicely and was happy enough to go to the wedding . Attitudes like "counselling won't help" are immature and selfish when there are children to consider. Eating disorders are a different ballgame, this isn't body dysmorphia - this is a phobia of photographs.
Please get some counselling. It can help you have some of the happiness you deserve. I didn't start counselling until my early 40s, my sister was older and it's been so helpful to us both. On the other hand for as long as I can remember my mother has said she can't change. She could have found help, but didn't, and it marked my sister and me. You deserve to feel better, and your children deserve you to feel better too.
Way to go alansleftmoob.
Your mother must be so proud of you.
Just read back over the whole thread and in all honesty you need a serious reality check. I don't like pictures of me either and I will never watch a video that I'm on - but to deny your children a family picture because of your own insecurity is downright selfish. What difference does it make if your photo is taken? Have you two heads? Three noses? Two teeth? Seriously. I hope to God your children don't pick up this ridiculous insecurity from you. You do realise that people can see you anyway? That none of us really LOVE standing posing in front of a camera? Count your blessings for your good health, healthy children, and nice family and suck it up. And yes, you're being beyond unreasonable to not "let" your husband look at family photos. What do you think he's going to do, look at them and walk out? In all seriousness. Get over it.
Alans, have you read the thread? Can you see that that's about as helpful as saying to an anorexic, "Just eat a fucking pie"?
YABU he sees you every day of the week, FFS.
Honestly it does seem like counselling would benefit you - even if if wouldn't cure your phobia, it would hopefully halt the severe self-worth issues you have.
Don't bite my head off for this, but didn't you post a fairly heartbreaking account of your son's sensitivities the other day? I'm now wondering if there isn't some genetic factor affecting you both... or if your problems are due to your mum, whether yours are now somehow projecting to him? Like I say if it was you please don't take this the wrong way; I was upset to read of those problems and I'm the same with this post. I hope you can start to respect yourself again soon - I would second talking to your GP.
Reading your posts, I do think you sound like you could do with some sort of counselling.
This coming from someone who absolutely HATES having their photo taken, and always has done.
Seriously now, I can probably count on one hand the amount of photos I've had taken of myself over the past few years.
I'm not photogenic, and cringe like mad when I see myself. When the camera does point at me I either tense up or pull silly faces.
To deny your husband the chance to see photos of his sister getting married though? That's extreme and not a normal reaction.
He sees you every day in the flesh, he knows what you look like
unless you go around with the lights switched out and a bag permanently over your head
I'm glad you showed him the album in the end.
I'm still not as convinced as other posters that you were depriving him though. That was every bit as overdramatic as they were accusing you of being.
As I said, IME men aren't interested in wedding photos. Actually, lots of us women aren't interested either. I married in 1992. I haven't looked at my photos since and they're still not in an album.
But please do try and seek help because this is something that's spoiling your life and it really shouldn't.
Hedgehog, I'm really sorry you've had unpleasant responses on this thread. You are not dramatic or selfish - you have a disorder that needs treatment. www.nhs.uk/conditions/body-dysmorphia/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Please, please seek help. I gave away far too much of my life to anorexia, and the sheer relief of being free to get on with being a human being makes all the hard work of recovery worthwhile. Best of luck to you.
Please speak to someone in rl about accessing counselling. You sound depressed.
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