To not let dh look at sil wedding photos?

(144 Posts)
Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:01:13

Dh sister got married recently. Today mil gave us the photo book to look at but...

I have always had a huge phobia of having my picture taken, even as a child I hated it and I always avoid it. I hate how I look and especially how I look in photos.
A the wedding I avoided all except one picture and even then sil had to beg me to be in it. Obviously being nervous it wasn't a good photo and its in the book.
I had a look before dh and I just can't let him see it. I'm embarrassed enough having seen it myself. One wrong comment from him or laugh in a jokey way and it'll destroy me. I hate the way I look that much.

He asked to see them and I said no and I've hidden the book. I feel horrible. Maybe I should cover that page and sit with him so he can see the rest as dcs look lovely? I feel completely mad and really unhappy sad

Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:17:15

I'm just not sure that counselling would make a difference after all this time. I'm 32 and have felt this way since I was 11 or 12

MrsMcEnroe Sat 15-Mar-14 13:18:16

Wow, your mother sounds horrible OP, and I'm not surprised you feel the way you do, given what she said to you when you were younger.

However - you really DO need some counselling! From what you've said, it sounds as though your mother never allowed you to develop a healthy attitude towards your own appearance. This can be fixed!! (Not your appearance - your attitude/feelings).

KurriKurri Sat 15-Mar-14 13:18:16

sorry I x-posted - you are not mad, but you sound desperately unhappy, and it sounds as if stuff in your childhood has not helped - you really do need some help - you can't go on like this, I know it is hard to think that anything will help and to resist it, but onceyou have taken the first step, youmight feel a sense of relief that something may be done. If you don't feel able totalk to your GP - write down how you feel - print out your OP and posts onthis thread and let him/her read them.

I feel enormous sympathy for you my dear, but you have to let people help you and not try to struggle on on your own.

And MyNameisKenAdams - I rarely criticise other posters, but shame on you - what an appalling thing to say.

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Mar-14 13:18:24

I'm sorry you feel that way but I don't think it's fair to dismiss any kind of counselling or help, and then tell your DH he's not allowed to see his own sister's wedding photos.

That's not fair and if I were him, I would just go and find the album anyway.

specialsubject Sat 15-Mar-14 13:18:26

please get help. Mental illness is not your fault and there is no shame. However refusing treatment when you have kids who depend on you is not on.

It is clear from this exactly why you have this problem and it REALLY isn't your fault.

good luck.

Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:19:15

I couldn't manage to have pictures taken (even though I wanted to) when dcs were born except for ds2 as dh FORCED me to as ds was in nicu seriously ill and dh said he had to take it for me as I might really regret it otherwise. Other than that the are probably only a few photos of me.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:21:10

I think you need to address this problem you have.

I have hundred of pictures of me and the DC which I know the kids will love to see when they are adults.

Do you have many photos of you, DH and the DC.

FrogbyAnotherName Sat 15-Mar-14 13:21:15

Counselling won't help, not being me would.

I was sympathetic until or posted this - your refusal to consider counselling indicates that you don't want to change how you feel about this, even though it is affecting others, such as your DSIL on her wedding day, and your DH.

So yes, YABU.

Why shame on me? In response to the OPd initial post, my opinion is that stopping her DH looking at his own SILs wedding photos because OP does not like how she looks in the one photo of her was that she was being dramatic.

once the OP posted further at her feelings of anxiety and stress at how she looks in photos and in the evening sat on the couch, I suggested she speak to a counsellor.

A suggestion which others seem to concur with.

what exactly should I feel ashamed about?

That was to Kurri-

MrsMcEnroe Sat 15-Mar-14 13:22:44

You are not too old to have counselling.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:23:06

You are against the idea of counseling so I have to say you are being selfish. How about giving it a go for the sake of your DH and kids? Also how did you take passport pics or other required pics? Seriously you are ridiculous.

Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:23:39

There are barely any photos of all of us. A couple from our wedding day, a couple of forced ones from ds1 christening and that's probably about it. Not one of all of us together.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:23:59

Why do you think it will not work.

Frogbyanothername that's a bit harsh, admitting you have a problem to a stranger and there is alway a chance it may not work is a huge step.

ProfessorSkullyMental Sat 15-Mar-14 13:24:17

i do understand Hedgehog, i LOATHE having my photo taken, i'm very overweight but its not until its staring at me from a picture that i realise how terrible i look, and i hate it.

however, i do let people take the odd picture so my children have something of me to remember when i'm gone.. there's lots of DH as i'm usually the one behind the camera.. but theres a few of me from a distance <cringe> that i've let him take.

i dont like them, i don't like looking at them, but they're important to other people.

your dh knows what you look like, he looks at you every day, and he loves you how you are.

Let him look at the album.

Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:24:18

I don't have a passport for this reason.

Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:25:41

I didn't mean I wouldn't try counselling, just I doubt it would work as I've never felt any different and up until now I've just really avoided photos and anything that puts me in the position where people may look at me.

gamerchick Sat 15-Mar-14 13:25:46

now your husband has been with you when you gave birth... he knows what you look like.

It is such a shame that there won't be many photos around for your kids to keep though.

MorrisZapp Sat 15-Mar-14 13:26:16

Did you have pics taken at your own wedding? Clearly you need help with this issue, counselling is a great starting point. You can't make it go away by ignoring it, sorry.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:27:52

It may work, just think if it does you can have a beautiful family photo. That DH and the DC will cherish.

pussycatdoll Sat 15-Mar-14 13:28:12

you owe it to your family to get help

what if one of your children decides to move abroad -won't you go and see them?

what will happen when they get married, you'll avoid mother of the bride/ groom photos?

I feel sorry for yuor SIL having to beg you on her wedding day to be in one photo

gamerchick Sat 15-Mar-14 13:28:57

FWIW I don't like it either.. but I get one full length shot taken of me on my birthday every year so I can look at how much im decaying.. but mainly it's for my kids as i'm usually the one behind the camera so there's loads of them and my husband.

It's really worth trying to find a way past this as it seems to affect you quite badly.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Sat 15-Mar-14 13:29:55

OP, I understand how you feel because I feel much the same.
But I recognised a long time ago that it isn't actually about how I look - it's about how I feel about myself. I look at photos of myself and I see all the things I dislike about myself - I see myself as fat, ugly, unfashionable, etc. It's a symptom of a lack of self-esteem. That is what counselling would help you with - to realise that this is not a problem in and of itself, it is a reflection of an underlying problem.

Hedgehog80 Sat 15-Mar-14 13:30:13

I feel dreadful about it all, I even had to decline being my own sisters bridesmaid as I simply cannot stand in front of people/have pictures taken. She isn't getting married till next year and I feel guilty but I had to tell her I can only go as a guest and sit with dh and dcs not stand at the front.

squeakytoy Sat 15-Mar-14 13:30:40

you are allowing a phobia to ruin your life. you have to do something to get it sorted out. it doesnt only impact on your life, it messes up that of your family too.. do they not deserve for you to try and get this fixed?

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