was I unreasonable to have these pics removed?

(100 Posts)
realitygone Sat 15-Mar-14 07:07:52

A family member who we are no contact with placed two happy birthday notices in the local newspaper / online these adds had their pictures, full dob and full name on.

I have had the paper remove them, anyone can view them and it makes them very identifiable and it scares the hell Out of me when the view count said 20! 20 people looked at my children without my permission

I don't thini I over reacted, however wondered if anyone thinks this is ok to do?.

cloggal Tue 18-Mar-14 22:09:13

reality be prepared that they may feel they have succeeded in getting your attention when they receive your letter - often this is the sole aim of abusive people. They could take this as an invitation (as it is contact, even if you have been very firm in your letter).
I don't want to alarm you needlessly, particularly when you've clearly felt under threat, but if there is a response of any kind and you don't wish to resume contact I'd advise remaining solidly NC, and possibly seeking legal advice. Take care and I hope you and your dc are doing well thanks

realitygone Tue 18-Mar-14 21:13:44

Thank you everyone for your support.

The pictures were removed from the internet and a letter is heading their way to hopefully put a stop to it all.

ItsAFuckingVase Sun 16-Mar-14 17:51:02

Tbh regardless of the reasons for NC, I don't think anybody has the right to have a photo of somebody else's child published in the newspaper without permission of the parent(s) and most normal people wouldn't do it!!

BreconBeBuggered Sun 16-Mar-14 15:38:03

OP I don't ever think it's acceptable to post pictures of someone else's children online without the parents permission.

I'm surprised so many think it's Ok TBH.

What MeepMeep said.

cloggal Sun 16-Mar-14 15:19:16

It must be lovely to come from normal homes with non-abusive parents, but try to have a little empathy for people who make the huge decision to go no-contact with their parents. It is not done out of spite, or to be 'cruel', it is the result of years of abuse and damage, and often done to protect the grandchildren from the same things that you have put up with for so long.

This. Copa, I really hope that was at least a genuine mistake and you hadn't read the full thread.

jemimapta Sun 16-Mar-14 15:14:56

I'd be furious! yanbu, I'd be upset if relatives I was in touch with and on good terms had my childrens image printed with their names and dob, let alone ones I had no contact with, what were they thinking?

MeepMeepVrooom Sun 16-Mar-14 08:25:26

OP I don't ever think it's acceptable to post pictures of someone else's children online without the parents permission.

I'm surprised so many think it's Ok TBH.

Booboostoo Sun 16-Mar-14 07:38:17

reality I think you are entirely justified in stopping all contact with your mother and in being annoyed that she acted in a controling manner towards your children. However, your worries about your children being in danger as a result of being identifiable are just silly. We live in a small village where everyone knows who our kids are and since most of their kids are invited to DD's birthday parties they also know her birthday - it doesn't freak me out. As it happens we are also foreigners in a very rural, traditional area, so often people can identify me by my accent even in the local town as "the foreigner who bought that property in that village" - still doesn't make me worry about my child.

If someone was targeting my DD it would be very easy to find out her name, address, dob and loads of other information, but I think the chances of a paedophile targeting my DD are miniscule.

Fifyfomum Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:44

ah okay, I understand now. I think that given the circumstances, the gesture sent a very clear message to the grandmother that I think was important for the OP.

So, in light of that, YANBU

realitygone Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:35

fify I don't think there is anyone stupid enough to think they can have a printed advert taken from a newspaper once it had been printed and distributed

You are being pedantic for the sake of it.

bertie thank you. It is a tough and a horrible thing to go through. I left nc details out originally as I didn't want to have to go into mega details unfortunately some posters feel they need blood.

Indeed I have had them removed from the internet page.

ChickyEgg Sat 15-Mar-14 21:15:47

I think they thought it a nice gesture, although slightly odd if they don't have normal contact with you BUT when my ID was stolen, the police advised me that all they needed was our date of birth and if I used social media to remove personal details such as that off. So in that view getting the ads removed was perhaps a good idea?

BertieBotts Sat 15-Mar-14 21:13:16

I think she wanted it removed from the website Fify.

OP I think you are doing a brave and brilliant thing by protecting them from their grandmother.

Fifyfomum Sat 15-Mar-14 21:08:17

I am also confused as to how you get a picture 'removed' from a newspaper?

Surely once you've seen them, they are in print?

birdmomma Sat 15-Mar-14 20:19:11

It must be lovely to come from normal homes with non-abusive parents, but try to have a little empathy for people who make the huge decision to go no-contact with their parents. It is not done out of spite, or to be 'cruel', it is the result of years of abuse and damage, and often done to protect the grandchildren from the same things that you have put up with for so long.

realitygone Sat 15-Mar-14 20:16:36

I am protecting my children from a vile human being who has no right to stake a claim over my babies. No right to say she misses them and no god dam right to say she cares for them.

If she cared for them she wouldn't hurt their mother.

realitygone Sat 15-Mar-14 20:14:46

Really copa?

I am cruel am I?

I was beaten viciously from the age of 5 by my step dad that my mum had an affair with

I was isolated, bullied and controlled from a very youngage.

The grandma that you feel so desperately sorry for sat and told a police officer I was lying when I called them after having my ribs broken when I tried to escape.

How about before you call me the cruel one you read the thread and the bit where I explain why there is nc.

copafeel Sat 15-Mar-14 20:10:13

I feel desperately sorry for the grandma who is probably heartbroken at not being allowed contact with her grandchildren, cruel

YABU. There is being cautious and there is obsessive.

realitygone Sat 15-Mar-14 18:47:25

She doesn't care about her grandchildren nursey

Did she really expect that I would show my children?

It was a unacceptable power play and she had no permission to put the pics up.

Anyway, thank you for all your responses I know I have done the right thing

NurseyWursey Sat 15-Mar-14 16:35:21

I deem it to be a security issue because if someone walked upto my 4year old and knew her name and that it was her birthday recently she would happily talk to them, especially if she was told they know me

Do you think one of those 20 people would actively seek out your daughter and use this information confused

I can sort of understand why you wouldn't want their photos there without your permission, but you're being precious and way over the top.

Perhaps your mum did this because she knows you have a crap relationship but wanted to do something for her grandchildren.

TheKnightsThatSayNee Sat 15-Mar-14 16:28:53

Children rarely go off with/are abused by strangers it's people they know or think they know. People who know a child's name and age and what they look like can use that to encourage a child into a situation they would not otherwise agree to be in.
I know this is paranoid but way take the risk for a pic in the paper which seems a bit like a excuse to seem like the hard done by loving grandparent.
YANBU

Martorana Sat 15-Mar-14 16:21:49

Presumably then you make sure nobody ever addressed your child by name in public? Or calls to her in the park? And I do wonder the circumstances where a 4 year old is alone to be wished a happy birthday by strangers........

Sirzy Sat 15-Mar-14 14:56:16

I assume your daughter never wears a birthday badge out of the house then? Or takes sweets to school for her birthday or has a party in public places? all of those things would allow someone to know it was her birthday and the last 2 find out the name pretty easily.

I can understand why your angry in the circumstances but really there is no information that needs to be secret (without other security concerns obviously)

HolidayCriminal Sat 15-Mar-14 14:46:27

I find that paranoid thinking, RG.
You're not alone in thinking that way nowadays, of course. sad

realitygone Sat 15-Mar-14 14:20:47

I deem it to be a security issue because if someone walked upto my 4year old and knew her name and that it was her birthday recently she would happily talk to them, especially if she was told they know me.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now