To feel that murder is a reasonable response to snoring?

(36 Posts)
HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Sat 15-Mar-14 02:01:51

Dh wakes me with his pneumatic drill snoring. Because I'm awake, I need to go to the loo. As soon as I get out of bed he stops snoring. And when I get back into bed he starts snoring again!

AAAAAARGGGGGGGGH!

Curlynoodles Sat 15-Mar-14 02:20:51

DH has been snoring away next to me for the past 3 hours. After several digs to the kidneys, he has the cheek to tut when DD wakes for a feed! (And it's me who is feeding!)

Just debating now which method of torture to use against him!

agnesf Sat 15-Mar-14 02:21:51

I feel your pain but cannot condone murder. It is almost impossible for me to spend a whole night in same room as DP.

Come join me in the spare room.

Well not my spare room - your spare room and my spare room IYSWM (unless of course you haven't got one ....)

YokoUhOh Sat 15-Mar-14 02:25:41

I execute the 'stealth nose-hold' and he turns over. Or I say, 'TURN THE FUCK OVER' in a declamatory stage whisper, and he turns over. Or toddler DS jumps on his Adams apple and sends him 30 feet in the air (and he turns over).

fideline Sat 15-Mar-14 02:29:54

YANBU to feel it

Y would BU to think it

Personally, I cracked two nights ago and ordered a sofabed for spare room. Not helping me tonight though.

fideline Sat 15-Mar-14 02:31:42

Good system Yoko

(wonder how dog could be persuaded onto DH's Adam's apple)

YokoUhOh Sat 15-Mar-14 02:42:25

A nice meaty bone would encourage your DDog to jump into bed with your DH, although it's questionable as to whether you'd want to share a bed with such an item smile DS and DH are currently engaged in a snore-off, so my failsafe system is in tatters...

fideline Sat 15-Mar-14 02:54:06

Meaty bone would rather clash with the lavender pillow mist.

Good to have an idea in reserve though.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Sat 15-Mar-14 03:02:22

I am feeling pretty murderous too, after weeks of crap sleep with DS (which DP helps with not one bit) to finally get him back to sleep and then be kept awake by dp's hoggish snorting. Makes me mad.
Worse, when he complains in the morning that he was awake loads in the night too. NO YOU WEREN'T FUCKWIT BECAUSE I HEARD YOU SNORING ALL FUCKING NIGHT.

Shaky Sat 15-Mar-14 03:03:07

If I were the judge of the world I would let you off scot free as long as you would forgive me for the brutal execution of my dp for continual sniffing and coughing. Deal?

Homebird8 Sat 15-Mar-14 03:05:29

Who goes to the spare room? HE goes to the spare room (but he always asks first!)

YokoUhOh Sat 15-Mar-14 03:10:26

ellebelly in your situation I'd do away with my system and just administer increasingly violent electric shocks to the nadgers.

OP silently snorting at lavender pillow mist smile

murasaki Sat 15-Mar-14 03:11:19

Entirely reasonable. Says woman who has shouted at the snoring Kraken, and has now given up, is eating toast, and hoping he shuts up soon....

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Sat 15-Mar-14 03:12:35

I just deliver increasingly firm kicks instead. A friend of mine even filed her big toe nail into a point to proggle her DP with when he snored!

ElleBellyBeeblebrox Sat 15-Mar-14 03:13:31

grin at snoring Kraken.

YokoUhOh Sat 15-Mar-14 03:13:47

Sorry fideline oops...

DH has just trumpety-trumped, to add another cacophonous sound to the symphony of night-time noises (and smells)

OhMerGerd Sat 15-Mar-14 07:50:58

I'm in the spare room listening to him through the walls contentedly getting his last half hour (it's the first weekend in ages when we're child free and with nowhere to be till later) but I am going to wake him soon as there's no escape, not even down the corridor.
I'm feeling generous because he has been so lovely this week but usually my policy is 'you wake me, I wake you' .. So it goes like this most nights....
Him: 'Snooooore-grunt-grunt-gargle-grunt-grunt'
Me: [sharp dig in ribs]
Him: 'Snore-grunt' [jumps up eyes startled trying to focus in dark ] 'Wwha? Uhh? Eh?'
Me: 'You're snoring'
Him: 'Oh uh' [makes snuffly sleepy snuggling down noises for 10 seconds and ....] SNOOOOOOOOOOOORE- gruuuuuuuuuunt- grunt-snore-gargle-grunt
Me: [repeat as above until one of us gives up, moves to spare room or very rarely he manages to tone it down and I drop off ]
Sigh he's still at. Maybe if I could snore, which would at least mean I was sleeping, I wouldn't feel so knackered all the time? Can you teach yourself to snore?

HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Sat 15-Mar-14 08:04:22

Feeling even more murderous this morning. I was woken at 6 by something bearing the same resemblance to music as Chinese water torture bears to a babbling brook: 7yo singing the same two lines over and over and over and over in the bathroom with the door ajar.

I don't think I'd get away with a double murder. Not even under such extreme provocation.

mymiraclebubba Sat 15-Mar-14 08:10:14

Haha I feel your pain!!! We don't have a spare room so i tend to end up on the sofa only the bloody dog snores so I don't win either way!!

Mentally plotting the murder is excellent and definitely not a unreasonable response - carrying it out may have more implications tbh! I would try earplugs and buying him a gym membership perhaps if he is carrying a few extra pounds otherwise see your GP for sleeping tablets

HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Sat 15-Mar-14 08:14:42

Yoko dh sometimes trumps as well, which is genererally followed by a relieved groan (from him!) and a sort of wiggley twitch, which lifts the quilt at the top and sends a puff of the foul stuff up underneath it, to be released at the top ie at my face. envy (that's a 'boak' emoticon)

No spare room. I have occasionally escaped to the living room, or played musical beds when a dc has keeper into ours. How is it that they're not bothered by the snoring? But going to another room does not help, worse if anything, as he's then out of kicking nudging range.

CheeryCherry Sat 15-Mar-14 08:25:12

Another snoring inflicted crabby old cow here... and he has the cheek to say he's knackered on a morning! Have tried prodding, poking, shouting, whining, hissing, stomping off to the sofa bed, putting lights on to read. Maybe we should change the clocks, fool them into thinking its get up time?

Undertone Sat 15-Mar-14 08:35:18

<silently strengthens conviction to remain an old maid indefinitely>

DomesticSlobbess Sat 15-Mar-14 08:58:03

YANBU!

DP snores like a beast, especially when on his back or front. So I spend half the night prodding him and telling him to lay on his side. When he's awake and I mention his snoring keeping me up, he's apologetic, but when I wake him in the night he gets pissed off at me for waking him up! When I'm the one wide awake listening to him! Aaagggh!

And DP sleeping in the living room won't do because we live in a flat so hearing DP snore in the living room is only slightly better than him being right next to me. And at least if he's next to be I can poke him and make it stop for all of three seconds.

peppersaunt Sat 15-Mar-14 09:50:50

I feel your pain! Was nose pinching for awhile until asked not to. Now I bounce on the bed/yank covers. It doesn't work.

IMO the worst is the 5 a.m. resumption of snoring after a couple of hours of peace.

He always seems surprised to see me sleeping in the spare room in the morning!

Koothrapanties Sat 15-Mar-14 10:33:16

Ugh I have baby dd waking me up all night because she wants... Erm nothing.

Then when she sleeps dh snores. I put earplugs in but his fucking snoring shakes the bed!

I could happily murder him so yanbu!

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