To be very upset about how these women treat me?

(133 Posts)
veryboringnamechange Fri 14-Mar-14 23:00:42

I've namechanged, and I apologise in advance if this sounds very childish, but it is something that upsets me a lot.

I met a group of women at NCT classes when I had my youngest child, who is now nearly 5. We have all kept in touch and meet up regularly. I just can't help but feel that none of them really like me though, and it's due, in part to the dreaded FB.

Firstly, when we meet up none of them seem very interested in me. I can't remember the last time that one of them asked me anything about myself. They all seem to have bonded very well and all really like each other, but I feel that they invite me to things but don't want me there.

Also on Facebook, they comment all the time on each others' statuses and photos, and very very rarely comment on anything of mine, even though I like and comment on their stuff all the time. Only one of them wished my DS a happy birthday last year, even though they gushed over each others' children on their birthdays.

I also feel that sometimes they are all a bit cold with me. For example if I reply to one of their facebook statuses they are abrupt with me when they reply to me, and are much warmer to each other. Or if I'm chatting with them on a night out they all seem distracted and like they don't want to speak to me. We all went for a meal about a month ago and then for a drink. We walked from the restaurant to the pub, and every time I walked next to one of them they would move away from me and go and join another person so I was just left alone (and I definitely don't smell btw).

I know it all sounds pathetic. And I do have lots of other friends, so I can't be an unlikeable horrible person. I know I really need to just stop bothering with them all don't I?

Euphemia Fri 14-Mar-14 23:02:38

You said it. smile

SallyMcgally Fri 14-Mar-14 23:03:28

It's not childish. It's horrible when people get cliquey like this. Sounds as if they just upset you, so you're right, focus on friendships that make you happy and that are reciprocal. These women sound quite bitchy tbh.

Skiingmaniac Fri 14-Mar-14 23:03:58

I'm sorry you are feeling this way - I get like this too sometimes. On the whole I think it's paranoia but I usually removal myself from situations I find depressing.

Go see your real friends and enjoy life grin

annabelcaramel Fri 14-Mar-14 23:04:21

LTBs. And FB too!

Holdthepage Fri 14-Mar-14 23:04:46

Stop putting yourself through this, drop them. If they make you feel uncomfortable then they are not your friends.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 14-Mar-14 23:05:18

drop them. it is not worth it.

It's not pathetic/childish. It all sounds like a bit of a quiche tbh.

Put some distance between you, they aren't worth bothering with

veryboringnamechange Fri 14-Mar-14 23:06:15

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being paranoid but in general I don't consider myself a paranoid person, and I usually find that I get on well with people and don't have problems in friendships.

Especially as you have lots of other friends... why put yourself through this? They sound like a big bunch of shitbags. Just walk away.

I'm sorry that you've been treated so nastily though. I am sure you've done nothing to deserve it. Have some thanks from me.

TheVictorian Fri 14-Mar-14 23:07:19

It seems from what you have said that these women act nicely but do appear that they prefer each other more than you in their group.

chattychattyboomba Fri 14-Mar-14 23:09:38

That sounds horrible, and not unlike experiences I have had going to toddler groups etc. I try to explain it away to myself but then I get really upset. Sometimes I think maybe they are jealous? Maybe they think I'm overbearing? Maybe we just don't click? But if you have known them for 5 years and are still invited to things they mustn't hate you?
I'm sorry they are being cows. I wish there was a 'no cows allowed' NCT group grin but I think you are right, let them go. As you said, you have other friends who will be much better for you and enjoy spending time with you.

pancakedayiscoming Fri 14-Mar-14 23:12:20

You come across as quite thoughtful, it's them, and 5 years is far more than generous. How awful for you, I hope they feel guilty when they see you've left them.

MamaLazarou Fri 14-Mar-14 23:13:26

They sound like a right bunch of nasty old bags. Scrape them off and find some lovely friends!

Joysmum Fri 14-Mar-14 23:13:29

I don't see what the big deal is?

They are close friends, you're not! So just see them as acquaintances and concentrate on your close friends.

JapaneseMargaret Fri 14-Mar-14 23:14:50

It's not pathetic at all, it sounds really hurtful.

You think people grow out of schoolyard behaviour by adulthood - and at least such behaviour is vaguely understandable in school-aged children! - but many don't.

Disengage.

Deleting them from FB is probably difficult to do (God, the politics that can come with FB!), so at least hide them, and work out how to block your news coming up in their feeds. That way you're at least not torturing yourself by wondering why they haven't replied to you, and nor will you see all their nonsense.

Stop giving. Withdraw from the group. They have made it pretty clear how they feel. No good can come from subjecting yourself to such behaviour.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 14-Mar-14 23:14:52

You don't get on with everyone in life. Lose the bitches!

veryboringnamechange Fri 14-Mar-14 23:22:15

It just upsets me that somehow they've all become close friends but that they've all clearly decided I'm not good enough to be good friends with.

I find it hurtful when I put, say, a photo of my kids and I on FB and one or two of them might like it but they say nothing, but they're forever telling each other how gorgeous they are etc. They all give the impression that they don't think I'm good enough.

oohdaddypig Fri 14-Mar-14 23:25:22

Sometimes it's chemistry. Just one of those things.

You sound lovely. Concentrate on your other friends and gently, quietly disengage.

VanitasVanitatum Fri 14-Mar-14 23:28:10

Hurtful but the hurt will fade. Just start being 'busy' when invited, stop commenting on Facebook.. Slide out if the circle dignity intact.

GertTheFlirt Fri 14-Mar-14 23:28:24

NCT - says it all.

Dump, block and move on

EurotrashGirl Fri 14-Mar-14 23:32:01

I have a serious question. Would a group of people continue to invite you to join them for over 5 YEARS if they really didn't like you and didn't enjoy your company? Is this a British cultural thing that I'm not understanding?

veryboringnamechange Fri 14-Mar-14 23:35:18

I don't think that they invite me to everything. They often allude to having had other meet ups that I've not been invited to.

oohdaddypig Fri 14-Mar-14 23:39:28

Out of interest... Do you actually like them? Or are you keeping up the friendship because you feel you should/guilt etc?

CoffeeTea103 Fri 14-Mar-14 23:41:00

I think that they've tried to let you know where they stand. And since you've kept coming back for 5 years they probably can't understand why you haven't got the hint. It seems possible. I don't know why you've accepted being treated this way for so long. Time to cut ties with them.

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