MIL coming to stay to look after daughter during easter hols - bedroom and bed issues

(78 Posts)
bubbles11 Fri 14-Mar-14 13:59:02

DH invited his mother to come & look after our daughter for one week of easter hols
We live 4 hours away from MIL. She is mid 60s divorce with gentleman friend ("GF") who is mid 70s and does everything for her
There is a bit of history re: MIL divorce from FIL and DH response to that but basically he gets on ok with his mother
DH is not good at communicating. In jan this year DH said to me "shall I ask my mother down" to which I emailed him yes but what are the sleeping arrangements and is GF going to come too etc, shall we buy a sofabed (we only have enough bedrooms for me daughter and son). However we have a single bed. DH said MIL can sleep on single bed. GF has now phoned DH and said "am I invited too and I am going to book into b&b". DH now shouting at me that it is going to cost MIL and GF hundreds of pounds in b&b costs and they will have to sleep in our double bed instead and DH and I will sleep on an air bed in the living room. We did this (sleeping on airbed) regularly for christmases when MIL came down when we were first together (early 30s) but now I have two little ones and more than 10 years later - am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that DH has stubbornly refused to buy a sofabed or in any way address the sleeping arrangements? Initially he is suggesting he (DH) sleeps on single bed and I sleep on floor. I am guessing MIL wants GF to come down because she does not want to drive 4 hours herself and GF wants to stay purely because he does not fancy an 8 hour round trip to escort her down and then go home (very reasonable). MIL has previously openly said she dislikes me but I am polite and respectful of her and we have never openly had a fall out. I should just suck it up and sleep on the floor and forget my husbands refusal to buy a sofabed shouldnt i?? By way of postscript I have enough annual leave to take to look after daughter myself and my own parents have offered to have me and son at their house that week so there would be enough beds at our home (MIL and GF in our bed, husband in single bed etc)

bubbles11 Tue 18-Mar-14 17:00:45

thanks all for your replies which really helped me
the outcome happily is that GF has booked the next door B&B. I am expecting to be blamed by MIL that it is my fault that GF is paying money but I am going to try to ignore this "logic" often deployed by my inlaw family. Thank you again for all posts which helped me and gave me clarity xx

Aeroflotgirl Sat 15-Mar-14 08:40:37

I agree, does your h always treat you like that! Tbh I would put 2 options to him, B&B or you go to your parents! floor noway! I really doubt GF wants to spend tge night in a noisy cramped house, with not much privacy. That's probably why he suggested a B&B.

puntasticusername Sat 15-Mar-14 08:26:08

I bet OP's "D"H is arguing that he needs the single bed because he's got a bad back or something.

So tell him it's better for his bad back if he sleeps on the floor!

Otherwise, I support the b&b solution - it sounds as if it may well be the option your guests would genuinely prefer, and would be best for you all.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 15-Mar-14 08:10:18

Maybe gf wants to stay in a b&b and not get woken up early everyone inf

So

Mil sleeps in single bed - gf in b&b
Both stay in b&b
Get a sofa bed
Buy cheap blow up bed from Argos and kids sleep on it

No way would I be sleeping on the floor if dp suggested that to me - he can have the floor of need be

You are making this complicated for no reason

TheGreatHunt Sat 15-Mar-14 07:24:41

Your dh shouts at you a lot.

What a catch.

I wouldn't have had the Mil do this - you had other options so why did you chose this one?

Bornin1984 Sat 15-Mar-14 07:20:31

So your dh is blackmailing u with money ishoooos and tells u that ure sleeping on the floor - how long do u plan on being "abused" by him? Is that what he doing??

If your dh is such a wet tosspot why don't u speak to mil directly and ask her what she wants to do, or te her she's welcome for the visit but u don't need to babysit and her and gf can please themselves during visit and stay in n&b!!

Op you are an adult, if you want to buy a sofa bed go buy one!

NewtRipley Sat 15-Mar-14 07:05:04

You DH sounds like a twat

And maybe they want to stay in a B&B?

wowfudge Sat 15-Mar-14 06:44:49

How much does your DH think of you if he has suggested you sleep on the floor, or was he being sarky because you don't have room for everyone?

If he became shouty after speaking to GF this suggests to me that he doesn't like GF because of his own relationship with his DM and/or rather than taking GF at his word about the B&B he has chosen to interpret that as you must find room for GF in your home. He needs to listen to what people actually say and stop putting his own spin on it.

Stick with what was agreed originally and don't buy a bloody sofa bed unless you have plenty of other opportunities to use it for other visitors.

Atbeckandcall Sat 15-Mar-14 03:38:51

Okaaaaaayyyy...........

Firstly I'd like to apologise for the bullet points but it's 3.30am and I can't sleep but my brain has semi shut down.

1. I wouldn't have anyone in my house who actively dislikes me to stay for more than a couple of hours.
2. I wouldn't have anyone look after my children for any amount of time if the disliked me. Not that I wouldn't trust them necessarily, just more ammunition for them to stack up against you.
3. If MIL & GF are happy to go a b&b, let them. They may want a bit of nookie anyway.
4. Nobody, other than me or DH (dd for morning cuddles) gets into my bed. It's my bed. It's like using someone else's towel, just wrong.
5. If my DH had suggested that I should sleep on the floor whilst he got a bed to sleep in with all the other facts laid bare, well, he had better learn to like sleeping in the car, and quickly.

Woman up OP, you don't deserve that sort agro.

JessieMcJessie Sat 15-Mar-14 02:06:11

I'd lay a large bet that no way on earth does the wealthy, non-paternal GF want to stay in your home - has anyone actually asked him if he would prefer to stay at yours? Your DH is making ridiculous assumptions and all this needs is for the GF to tell him firmly "Thanks but no thanks" to the offer.

Jenny70 Sat 15-Mar-14 01:56:01

My MIL has similar domestic situation, has a wealthy GF but she refuses to marry him and keeps separate house and finances, but he pays for lots of their shared activities.... she and her GF are both lovely, but they never stay with us, GF isn't comfortable with that, even though we have the beds etc. They always stay at a hotel - and that works just fine. He can afford it and everyone has a bit of space etc. MIL on her own will stay with us, but the two of them prefer a comfortable bed, own bathroom and not being harrassed by 3 children all the time!

I would say to DH that chances are GF would prefer the B&B, and MIL can spend some nights in the single at yours and some at B&B... no drama at all.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Fri 14-Mar-14 23:15:14

I wouldn't give up my bed for anyone

Decide what you are happiest doing and then do that, it sounds like you have been way too accommodating for way too long

Normally compromise is so important in a relationship but not if it only ever goes one way. His wants do not ever trump yours even if he shouts and strops about it

MistressDeeCee Fri 14-Mar-14 23:13:29

whattheholyfeck

OPs DP and his big girl's blouse shenanigans made me want to say...

"whattheholyfeck?!!!" grin

OP Im not really laughing at your situation though. Your DPs disrespect of you is massive and yes I do feel he wants to create some kind of confrontation between you & MIL. Or maybe let her see you sleeping on the floor as some kind of weird proof that he prefers her, to you? Just wild guesses I suppose but honestly, some men should never leave home. They want to hang off the apron strings for the rest of their natural. They're a trial to any woman who takes them on. Actually did his DM openly and directly say to you 'I dont like you' or did he in convenient shit-stirring fashion tell you she doesn't like you?

If you said 'OK then' to his request to sleep on the floor - would he really be happy with that? for his DM, her GF, & your DCs to know this?

Put your foot down! & then go off to your mum's for a peaceful week. I assume if you stay home you will of course be expected to run around after your guests? Sod that, I'd be off...catch me if you can..

EurotrashGirl Fri 14-Mar-14 23:11:02

I must say, I reaaaaalllly don't see what the issue is here. MIL & GIF said they are going to book in to a B&B. Why not just let them do that? Your DH is creating a problem where there is none.

diamondlizard Fri 14-Mar-14 23:09:18

I wouldn't have someone to stay if they openly said they didn't like me

Esp,not to look after my dc no way

Jux Fri 14-Mar-14 22:38:10

What Kewcumber said. Put your foot down. Do not sleep on the floor. If he thinks it's OK for anyone to sleep on the floor then it's OK for him to do so.

Kewcumber Fri 14-Mar-14 21:58:00

"I am too old to sleep on the floor so this is my solution...

I will sleep on the spare (single) bed for 4 nights in the week and then go to my mums for a couple of nights to leave you and your mum have a lovely time bonding with each other and the children. Enjoy the floor "

Clutterbugsmum Fri 14-Mar-14 21:45:03

Buy yourself a sofa bed or EZ bed and make him sleep on the floor.

missingwelliesinsd Fri 14-Mar-14 20:11:28

Your DH sounds extremely annoying, you must have the patience of a saint to deal with him (I'm actually wondering why you're with him but that's not my business).

I'd never give up my bed for guests, I always make reasonable accommodations for guests but I draw the line at giving up my own bed. The thought of someone who isn't me, my DH (or our dog) sleeping on my bed seems icky to me, I can't help. Probably stems from some mildly traumatic memories of having to give up my bed for my cigarette smoke-infested GM as a kid.

greenfolder Fri 14-Mar-14 19:44:37

Mountain

Molehill

He has offered to go to local bb

Say yes, that would work

Stop agonising

whattheholyfeck Fri 14-Mar-14 19:18:58

Mistress, I have to say your post made me chuckle !

Gennacy Fri 14-Mar-14 18:44:33

So the MiL is comfortable sharing a bed with the gf? (and vice versus)?
Good luck getting it all sorted out.

Jux Fri 14-Mar-14 18:22:06

Honestly, just go away for a week. Have a nice time.

MistressDeeCee Fri 14-Mar-14 18:00:03

Im bewildered by this situation. Talk about making a molehill into a mountain..I suppose there's something else behind it. Control issues, I'd guess. Honestly OP do yourself a favour just buy the sofabed - is he going to stand at the door shouting at delivery men to dump it outside? If he won't buy the sofabed then MIL & her man can stay at b&b can't they? I bet the GF would prefer it anyway. You seem to have a lot to say about this GF& all he does for your MIL. Good for her, though..if your man isnt that lovely to you then thats what you have to look at, and deal with.

I wouldnt even get into why your man is saying you should sleep on the floor, its ridiculous beyond words. Buy the bed - or take time off work & do the childcare duties yourself. What I suspect is that he will find a way to 'punish' you for taking this option. Only you know how best to deal with that.

What is it today? The more I read this relationship board the more I get the sneaky feeling there are many women living with men, that the vast majority of women wouldn't even let past their front door.

The day I sleep on the floor for a man will be the day hell is iced over. OP stand up for yourself - tell him you arent sleeping on the floor, and HE will have to find another way of dealing with this. Load of nonsense..he shouldnt even be causing you to have to think about this. Wonder what your MIL & her GF would say if they knew?

Zucker Fri 14-Mar-14 17:48:39

Just get the sofabed, what would your husband do if you did that OP? When he has his hissy fit tell him to fuck right off and have a long hard think about his reactions. If he still thinks its reasonable to rant at his wife over a sofabed YOU need to think about some things I reckon.

How ridiculous to even be thinking you should sleep on the floor and he gets the single bed. Is he the queen of fucking sheeba fgs.

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