To be pissed off with the neighbours???(61 Posts)
Guys, I think I need a reality check but definitely need to vent. Absolutely fuming about neighbours complaining about No1 crying in the night. I'd appreciate some different views/ experiences.
With out boring you with all the details we live in a top floor flat sharing a stair well with 3 other flats.
No2 is all of 5 weeks old and in the last month of the No2s pregnancy, 21 month No1 started waking at night and deciding to cry/ scream instead of self settle. The worst week had 3 of these wakings; each time probably involved about 1 hour of white noise.
I'm sure it wasn't pleasant to listen to, but getting a knock on the door at 12 midnight and 2am the next time did nothing for our nerves, and this after No2 was born!
We were then basically invited, by several emails and texts, to discuss the "noise" at a meeting with the 2 of the other 3 flats???? WTF? This was to include 2 lodgers from one flat whom we'd never even met! We would be out numbered 5 to 2...
I'd totally understand if we were smoking crack on the stairs and leaving the kids to get their own fried chicken, but I thought we got on with these people....
Try not to be too harsh, they're not in league with the devil and No2 is keeping us awake so I might be getting my knickers in a twist over nothing.
Of course it's horrid being woken at 2am but how exactly do the neighbours knocking on the door...also at 2am expect this to be placating?! The parents aren't exactly having a good time neither.
You just let your toddler scream herself back to sleep? What if she's in pain from teething or having night terrors? Wtaf?
I don't blame your neighbours one bit. I bet they're worried for your dc. How awful
Your toddler needs you for whatever reason she is waking & you don't try comfort her at all? Shit, that is ridiculous. Your toddler is still a baby herself ffs
Ffs sake you bloody loonies the op said she didn't self settle like she usually does
Ie usually she self settles happily but recently has been crying for an hour.
I don't see any cause for this lunacy.
Also if you live near other people sometime you will hear them, if you don't want to hear them go an live quietly by yourself.
You can't expect to live near lots of people all tiptoeing round your work / life / sleep patterns
I shouldn't be mning at this time of night
herrena the OP does NOT say she comforted her crying baby this week. She simply says that usually the baby doesn't need soothing, but THIS week she has been crying for an hour. We aren't told whether this crying is alongside comforting or not, only that it is happening instead of the effective self-soothing that was happening before. We don't know whether OP is listening to her for an hour thinking 'she doesn't usually do that' or whether she's actually in there with the baby.
I suspect your neighbors don't have much experience with babies and toddlers. I can well imagine they think you are not doing your best to quiet the child, and if they explain what a living hell their nights are, you'll be able to chance your behaviour and have the child quiet much quicker.
I think you need to help them understand you are doing the best you can, and give them an idea of what is actually going on in your house when the screaming is going on. Usually people are much more tolerant if they understand what's happening, otherwise they'll make up their own, alot less flattering scenario than you as good parents and considerate neighbors suffering as much as they are...
I would not be going in all guns blazing, or angry and defensive, or refusing to attend the meeting and getting all high and mighty. That will confirm their suspicions.
Yes, babies cry. I don't buy all this throwing up of hands and resignation to nothing possibly being done to help end it or reduce it though. We have very little info about what precise steps are taken to minimise the disruption to neighbours. As someone already suggested, taking the screaming child away from party walls until settled is a no-brainer when pretty much the entire block is being affected. It's not likely that they all just happen to be complete bastards. It's far more likely that they have complained because they're genuinely messed up by it. Of course there is no magic wand and it's a hugely imperfect science, but it's not true that nothing can be done to at least try and help. If it was clear exactly what is being done, if anything, to at least try to minimise disruption, it might be easier to figure out where overall sympathy should lie. Noise disruption is no joke though if you have a gruelling work pattern though, regardless of what causes it.
It's annoying listening to kids crying in the night but most people accept it and try to muddle through x
Has the OP been back?
DH and I don't have children but we live in a Victorian terraced house. The general pattern in our street is: Young professional couple move in, get married, have kids, move somewhere a bit bigger. There are therefore normally quite a few little people at any one time.
We had a couple move in next door, she was about 5 months pregnant and when their DD arrived, yes, we could hear it (back to back bedrooms) but we could also hear parents doing all they could. As DH and I said to each other, they must be knackered!
Unfortunately couple with young child moved out and couple with three teenage children moved in (houses are 2+1 bedrooms, so not big at all!) and we are regularly disturbed by doors slamming, kids screeching, mother screeching, mother on the phone to her mates at 2am, kids belting up and down the stairs. This I mind as they are all essentially adults not a herd of elephants and therefore perfectly capable of acting quietly.
OP as someone said previously, you may genuinely not realise how the sound travels in your block, is DDs bed against a party wall? Your neighbours may be closer to her than you are! I would agree with others who say don't go in all guns blazing. Acknowledge there is a problem and try and work with them to find a mutually acceptable solution within the constraints of you all living there. If their DD had had a bad night, our neighbours would bump into us and say 'we're really sorry, hope she didn't disturb you?'. That counted for a lot as they were aware of it.
Your neighbours may be feeling pretty awkward about raising this and want to make it a group discussion rather than 1on1. Perhaps give them the benefit of the doubt?
But exactly the same could be said for those with children/people who want to make noise, why don't they move to a detached place so they can make all the noise they want and don't disturb anyone?
Because the people with children don't have a problem, it's the people without children who want silence.
An example of other people's lives intruding on our life is that our neighbors on both sides smoke, when they smoke on the balcony they close their door and windows so their flat doesn't get filled with smoke. If we have our window open ( which we very often do in the summer as it gets very very hot in our flat) we get smoke in our flat. Ds has trouble breathing sometimes so smoke isn't good for him.
If we want to live in an environment we can control, no smoke, no noise, no smells we need to move. Moving is an option and we will move in the next couple of years, not because ds and dc2 disturb other people, that's their problem, but because we don't like having to live so close to smokers. It would be unreasonable for me to ask our neighbors not to smoke, as it would be unreasonable for them to ask our dc not to make noise.
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