found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

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mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 19:55:34

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:30:57

I still can't find the pictures, or even an original picture that could have been photoshopped. I'm quite computer savvy but I can't find it anywhere sad

trufflehunterthebadger Wed 12-Mar-14 20:31:47

I'm obviously alone in thinking that i would rather that DH had some photos of me than random women off the internet. TBH I think that, in the grand scheme of internet porn, having some pictures of your own wife isn't exactly heinous.

If they're photoshopped then that's a bit different but I still can't understand why he's not allowed to think about you in a "pornographic" way without your knowledge. That just seems a bit weird to me

WipsGlitter Wed 12-Mar-14 20:33:08

Presumably he deleted the folder then emptied the trash. I think you can do a restore to get them back.

JackNoneReacher Wed 12-Mar-14 20:34:00

Look in the recycle bin. Are they in there? Is it empty?

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:36:43

truffle, its hard to explain - I guess its the possible photoshopping of me to make me look like a porn star, and having pictures of me I don't recognise or know about.
I don't like the idea of him looking at images of me, getting off to them, whilst I'm asleep next door or watching telly downstairs, or DD is in the next room. Its just not nice.

Fairenuff Wed 12-Mar-14 20:37:05

Of course he photoshopped you, there is no other explanation. So he is lying to your face sad

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:37:41

recycle bin is empty

Quinteszilla Wed 12-Mar-14 20:37:52

I dont believe he could not find the folder. He would just go to "recently opened" and get a list of all folders and files recently opened. He is hiding something.

Quinteszilla Wed 12-Mar-14 20:38:48

There is software out there that will restore deleted files.

JackNoneReacher Wed 12-Mar-14 20:40:07

truffle I would rather DH had no pornographic images on his computer, esp if they could be accessed by DC.

And whilst he is free to think as he pleases, thinking is a world away from photoshopping dodgy pictures then denying it cos he thinks you're stupid

trufflehunterthebadger Wed 12-Mar-14 20:40:32

I don't want to sound as if I'm playing devil's advocate or on his side but maybe if you haven't really been wanting sex much recently this is a way for him to get his "jollies" in a way he felt wasn't cheating ? IYSWIM ? Just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping immediately to "he has no respect for you, the dirty scumbag"

Fairenuff Wed 12-Mar-14 20:41:02

I would be so angry with him for two reasons. Firstly for creating those images in the first place and secondly for lying about it. I would be beyond angry at him for lying and the more he lied, the angrier I would be.

I think it's just the complete lack of respect that makes this so awful. I would tell him to leave until he can act like a grown up and be honest with me.

JackNoneReacher Wed 12-Mar-14 20:41:14

ok, so he's deleted them and emptied the recycle bin.

Otherwise there would be something in there.

Sorry, but he's a liar.

Fairenuff Wed 12-Mar-14 20:42:37

Yes, why is the recycle bin empty?

Plateofcrumbs Wed 12-Mar-14 20:43:00

he's looking at me in a pornographic way without my knowledge. It tells me he sees me like a porn star, it doesn't say respect to me

Having sexual fantasies about you doesn't mean he sees you as a porn star. Having those kind of thoughts and fantasies is nothing strange.

I think you're entitled to be angry that he has created and stored an image of you without your consent, and that he has been careless about his use of a computer which could have been accessed by other family members.

But I think if you want to actually understand more about his behaviour you need to approach it in a non-confrontational and understanding way.

cfc Wed 12-Mar-14 20:44:01

I think the one you saw of yourself smiling is one his snapped without you knowing when you asked him to take the photo of your fanny-boil. You were probably getting ready for the proper photo and smiling because of nerves/embarrassment or whatever. It's so easy just to take photo after photo with phones etc.

The other vag photos, I don't know. What type of photography does he do?!

Weird.

Sorry OP.

Fairenuff Wed 12-Mar-14 20:44:43

Yeah OP, you need to be understanding. Don't hurt his feelings or upset him hmm

MatryoshkaDoll Wed 12-Mar-14 20:46:48

Wait, I'm a bit confused.

You do pornographic stuff with him but you don't want that stuff photographed or filmed? So are you saying you think he's been secretly filming and photographing you while you've been doing this stuff? Or has he photoshopped you into scenarios that you know didn't really happen?

JackNoneReacher Wed 12-Mar-14 20:47:20

You deserve it for not giving him enough bjs hmm

I'd class that as an abuse of your trust, so not just harmless fantasy etc. For all you know that image is on the internet. Sorry.

And he deleted it/is being shady about it which suggests you've not got the full picture at all and he's hiding something. Sorry OP. How disgusting.

MatryoshkaDoll Wed 12-Mar-14 20:47:54

Also, the sofa pic was taken at the same time as the boil pic?

peggyundercrackers Wed 12-Mar-14 20:48:06

I kind of agree with ruffle, it sounds like he is using images of you rather than other images to get off on. I know you see it as porn but no doubt he has seen you in these positions, naked/legs akimbo, over the years during your normal sex life so it would just be normal for him to see you like that instead of viewing you as some sort of porn star.

Botanicbaby Wed 12-Mar-14 20:48:22

I think the fact that you have found porn videos/websites in his internet search history and that he's played the "virus" "pop-ups" card shows that he has been lying to you OP.

Taking photos of you and photoshopping them is very disrespectful. The fact that your sex life hasn't been great lately is no excuse for him to behave in this way.

You need to find out the truth but when faced with a proven liar who has hidden the evidence, its going to be an almighty struggle. I would be firm and stand my ground as much as you can to get to the bottom of this.

MatryoshkaDoll Wed 12-Mar-14 20:49:12

In fact, whatever the answers to my questions, it sounds really dodgy and a disrespectful abuse of your privacy.

Wuxiapian Wed 12-Mar-14 20:51:08

The whole set up is extremely disconcerting.

Whatever the whys and wherefores, something is very wrong. With him.

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