ExH having a baby with new partner - am I normal?

(9 Posts)
whygodwhy Sat 08-Mar-14 20:01:00

We have a 11 DS together and DS Texted me last night to say his Dad and partner are having a baby.

Our marriage was very abusive and he had very little to do with DS, just not interested. Consequently we only had one child, I would have liked more but he didn't. I eventually found the strength to leave.

I am now too old to have more and this current news has stirred up a hornets nest of emotion, I feel sad I couldn't give DS a sibling and sad I'll never know DS's sibling.

We split 5 years ago and I'm very happily married to a wonderful man. I'm just shocked about how sad I feel about it all.

RandomMess Sat 08-Mar-14 20:03:12

Think it sounds completely understandable. Your ex was an abusive git who gets the chance to have another child whilst you don't.

Very understandable.

My ex forced me to have two terminations in my 20's - he bullied me and said he would leave and I was young and stupid. By the time I left and met someone wonderful I was too old and unable to have children, just miscarriages.

My ex of course has a new family with his younger wife, the woman he left me for.

Quoteunquote Sat 08-Mar-14 20:09:00

Anything you feel is normal, and you are entailed to feel it.

Lets hope he makes a better job of being a parent the second time around.

what ever happens, your child will go through a whole range of emotions which you will be the one dealing with, so brace yourself, and make lots of happy plans with your wonderful family so you have lots of other stuff to focus on.

and try to make it a positive for your son, ask him what he would like a brother or a sister, make it a good thing to talk about, say how pleased you are for him that he gets the chance to be a big brother.

ask him if he wants to learn about babies and what they like, get out his baby photos and talk to him about what he developed when, things like when he started to say his first words, how you could tell when he was hungry, what made him grumpy, he will then have a really good idea of what to expect, and have things he can talk about that are relevant.

whygodwhy Sat 08-Mar-14 20:10:27

Thanks very true ... Will try to focus on what I do have

CombineBananaFister Sat 08-Mar-14 20:15:39

I think it's only natural to feel sad/angry/resentful - you wanted another child but couldn't due to him now he gets that chance. It may not be reasonable or mature or whatever but sometimes it really grates when people get what they don't deserve and you don't.
So I'd have a cry/vent then remember you have a lovely Ds and lovely Dh and you are no longer in that horrible situation thanks

whygodwhy Sat 08-Mar-14 20:18:34

Absolutely, thank you.

Oh course it's normal thanks

Be kind to yourself and don't feel bad for feeling down about it

BudsBeginingSpringinSight Sat 08-Mar-14 21:03:57

totally normal, and totally human.

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