to feel very little sympathy

[Addictedtoamazon]

....for H. Separated 3 weeks ago, mainly due to his binge drinking, selfishness and unwillingness to put me and our 2 DDs first. I gave him an ultimatum of us or the drink and he chose the drink. DDs are 4 years old and 10 weeks old. It has been extremely difficult managing a newborn and a preschooler on my own plus dealing with running the house, making meals etc (and all on very little sleep) but I have coped.

H announced yesterday that he has found it extremely difficult coping with both children on his weekly contact(4 hours) and that he would now like to take each DD separately. He proposed taking one on the Saturday and one on the Sunday or one in the morning and one in the afternoon. So after spending all week getting up at his leisure, having full nights sleep and coming and going as he pleases, the poor lamb is struggling to deal with both children for a grand total of 4 hours a week. AIBU not to be full of sympathy for his plight? Not quite sure what would happen if I decided I couldn't cope with them both

[ClementineKelandra]

Yanbu. Tell him to get a grip!

[Sirzy]

YANBU. If things happen that way you get no time 'off' at all. Not sure what the solution is though but I wouldn't be going for that!

[shakinstevenslovechild]

I have known a few men do this, it's nearly always to keep a bit of control over their ex partners so they can't start building a life while he 'babysits'.

[MooMaid]

FFS he'll just have to cope with it - its his parental responsibility. You need time off too. Tell him no

[Jess03]

Yep just say no he's doing hardly anything and thistles you even worse off. Tell him to see a lawyer and get laughed out of there if he wants to vary the contact like that.

[Lucylouby]

Of course he has to have them both together. How does he think you are coping? I'm guessing in those four hours he isn't having to keep on top of the washing, prepare a proper dinner for the children or do anything else to keep the house running. There is no sympathy coming from me either I'm afraid! The reason he can't manage is because he hasn't had to do it enough, he just needs to practise and it will get easier.

[HemlockYewglimmer]

YANBU. I guess it helps to reinforce your decision to separate though, he's not exactly endearing himself to you is he?

[Addictedtoamazon]

shakinstevenslovechild that is really interesting. I hadn't thought of it in those terms but it would fit. I think he is still hoping I will back down, beg him to come back and tell him I will accept his drinking and him generally being a selfish arse.

My problem if I force the issue is whether the girls will suffer. I don't want him being short-tempered with them if he genuinely is struggling to cope. Plus I can't force him to see them. Him taking one at a time gives me more of a break than him not having them at all.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Just say no! He should start taking responsibility

[drnoitall]

Don't agree to this ffs.
He will have get used to it, like you and your dc are getting used to life without him during the week.
Actually I've never heard of this before, he can't be serious.

[WorraLiberty]

I think you need to do/agree to whatever is best for your children.

[Trooperslane]

Not helpful, Big boobs .

[JuliaScurr]

for you

[gertiegusset]

[wonderingsoul]

bigboobs you are a DICK!

i hope you have enough polish to spit shine your halo...

just wow!


i was there where you where 4 years ago..but in a different country.. made things easier flying home just me n baby n 3 year old.
ex was a heavy drinker,, plenty of altomantoms.
he is being a bigger dick then boobs. personally if he asks again i would just laugh in his face.

your children wont suffer at all. 4 hours. is nothing.
my bet is he ants to keep some controll.

[Ledare]

ODFOD Bertha.

YANBU but it's difficult. My XH fucked off and I was bloody grateful because he really was unable to care for DD.

[Dawndonnaagain]

Sounds like you and he would be a good fit, Bertha.

[MojitoMadness]

Oi BigBoobs stop being a twat!

[natwebb79]

Ignore bigboobs. She's being a delightful ray of sunshine on more than one thread...

[gamerchick]

Tell him.. you either take both or neither. His answer will tell you if it's a control thing or not because usually then they say ' ill see them at your house'

[NMFP]

I'd suggest he has them both, but if he wants 'quality time' he can have them on their own as an extra.

[StillSeekingSpike]

Er- if he's binge drinking is he really in a fit state to look after a 4 year old at all- let alone such a tiny baby?

[mineofuselessinformation]

Ask him how he thinks you've managed while he's been pissed all of this time. And then tell him no.