To feel so despondent....

(10 Posts)
skyblue11 Sat 08-Mar-14 16:33:00

OK here goes.....I am feeling really down, I don't feel like my life is my own, where do I start?
First off, I have a brother who is in supported living but I am his POA and attend lots of meetings see to his finances etc, and he is currently having a few issues shall we say, I have another meeting next week.
My Mum lives 10 mins away but had dementia and is becoming increasingly more needy, and this will only become worse, I feel guilty for not spending more time with her except I work 4 full days per week and nearly always spend my day off doing something for her.
But worse and what has come to light this weekend is my husband is having another meltdown with his mental state. This is the 4th time since we've been married and I am finding it hard to be supportive though I want/know I should be. He says he's been having suicidal thoughts again, has been signed off for a month (last time he was off for 10) and will be seeing GP in 2 weeks again. I feel like I need support and no one is looking after me which is what I'd love right now. The only light of my life is my only child who is off to uni soon so I will have nothing nice in my life as we are so close. What can I do to make things better? I feel so hopeless and alone right now

CoffeeTea103 Sat 08-Mar-14 16:37:35

Sorry op, you seem to have so much going on . Do you have any close friends who could maybe come over or you visit just for a little break and chat? Not much advice to give but I just wanted to let you know you are so strong for dealing with all this.thanks

skyblue11 Sat 08-Mar-14 16:40:45

coffee I don't have many friends, I texted my best friend last night and she just said she felt for me, everyone is so busy with their own lives you know, I don't feel strong right now, I feel a bit pathetic cos I'm crying, luckily he is out at the gym....

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Sat 08-Mar-14 16:41:51

You need to plan for something nice in your life,just for you,to keep yourself going.

Also,if you're the type to find it helpful (not all do) find someone to talk to/support.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 08-Mar-14 16:46:08

Will social services help with your mum.

BillyBanter Sat 08-Mar-14 16:50:08

Perhaps you could get support from NHS or charitable agencies. I'm afraid I don't know of any specific ones.

www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/carerslives/gettinghelp/Pages/Caringforcarers.aspx

this may have something useful.

skyblue11 Sat 08-Mar-14 16:50:48

hadaabadday she had a visit from a SW who just gave me details of local care agencies as they won't assess her needs until she needs their funding. She is resistant to people going in to help her though has just started having a cleaner, so I am taking things slowly as she becomes overwhelmed and confused if I push services on her, it's hard. Like today she has already called me three times as she knows I'm home just to ask if I am calling round, then I feel I ought to go even though she's OK.
My DH doesn't want anyone to know he's off work, not that I'd tell her as she might not understand.

Canineinanaline Sat 08-Mar-14 17:05:13

You've really got a lot on your plate at the moment and I'm not surprised that sometimes you feel like you're struggling. But you're doing so well to hang on in there. My mum is full- time carer for my brother and she gets a lot of emotional and practical support from local carers' groups. I think the first place to start looking may be with your local council. As to your friends, you perhaps need to ask them right out to come and see you because you're having a hard time - they may not realise quite how difficult you're finding things just now. I hope things get better for you soon.

petalunicorn Sat 08-Mar-14 17:06:43

That sounds so tough, it is horrible when a family just seems to suck everything you can give, when other people get support from theirs. I guess all you can do is take one day at a time. What would happen if you stopped attending meetings for your brother?

skyblue11 Sat 08-Mar-14 17:10:16

petal I just take a day at a time. I need to go as I'm kind of his voice and without that they'd just do what they liked! I am hoping it will be the last one next week.
I think what makes it worse is most people I work with seem to have nicer lives, no one to bother them etc
Must go DH back!

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