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Am I? Depression related.

(14 Posts)
tulipsaredelicious Fri 07-Mar-14 22:35:56

Dp has been away on business all week. Got back this evening.

I've been on ad's for 4 months. Before he left I had a low episode & stayed in bed for 2 days.
I had an appt with doc today about increasing my meds.

Ds2 has a non serious ongoing condition which has come under control while dp has been away.

I tell dp I had an appt with doc today about increasing my meds. His response? Did you ask doc about ds's condition.

I'm so hurt & pissed off. Obv if there had been any change with ds I would have told him as a matter of priority. We've spoken on the phone every day. It took me 2 weeks to tell him I was on ad's, partly because I wanted to see how long it would take him to ask. He never did. I actually said to him tonight that maybe he was my problem, given that I've felt so good all week.

Meh. Sorry. Had to unload. Will probably feel better in the morning.

StarGazeyPond Fri 07-Mar-14 22:52:54

I find that men, in general, cannot 'compute' ANYTHING that they are unable to do anything about. And, then, if they can't, they get in a bit of a state about it or change the subject.

It has taken the other 3 adults in my household 6 weeks to notice that I am extremely depressed. But, because they can't actually DO anything, they don't ask how I am or getting on.

Strange really.

I hope you feel better soon.

tulipsaredelicious Fri 07-Mar-14 22:54:13

Thanks star. Yeah, you're right. It's just a bit shut, really. Hope you feel better too. Xx

tulipsaredelicious Fri 07-Mar-14 22:54:43

Lol shit shut whatevs

MooMaid Fri 07-Mar-14 22:56:55

I don't just think its a man thing. My Mum and Sis seem to resolutely ignore the situation when I was diagnosed - almost like it wasn't happening.

All I can say OP is that its OK to feel hurt as you're just looking for support but don't hit out at DH in retaliation because it'll just make things worse.

Sit down with him and tell him you just want some support when you're feeling a little more in control of things. Communicate with him - I'm sure you feel a little resentful because he hasn't asked but just tell him what's going on and maybe you can work it out between you. Tell him what help you'd like and then maybe you'll feel like resentful (believe me I'm stubborn)!

Hope you feel better soon

BrownSauceSandwich Fri 07-Mar-14 22:57:41

How did it go with the doctor? Are you going to try an increased dose?

There may be a number of reasons your husband didn't engage. Maybe he's a bit self absorbed, in which case he needs to wake up. But maybe he doesn't understand your illness, and as you're trying to work it out yourself, that may be quite reasonable. Depression is a complex thing... Some sufferers want to talk about it, others don't, some need a bit of extra nurturing, some want to be treated as normal. The people around you may be able to help or hinder your recovery, but only if you can let them know what it is you need from them, whether that's time to talk, or time on your own, or going to the doctor's with you or whatever. Get him to have a look at this website: http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talkday If you give your husband some reasonable ideas of what he can do to he, if he still doesn't do them, then he's a knob. wink

MooMaid Fri 07-Mar-14 22:57:58

*feel less resentful (rather than stewing over him not asking)

BrownSauceSandwich Fri 07-Mar-14 22:58:13
InThisTogether Sat 08-Mar-14 00:17:53

Whilst I feel bad for you, Op, I think that
"I actually said to him tonight that maybe he was my problem, given that I've felt so good all week.",
IF untrue, is a little U.
I know that living with depression is not easy, but it's not easy living with someone with depression either and comments like this can be hurtful. If it is the case that it is him that is the problem, then it's fair enough to say that, but if not, it can be hard to hear that sort of thing.

tulipsaredelicious Sat 08-Mar-14 08:43:31

Thanks for your comments, everyone, esp Brownsauce. I noticed you asked me how it went with doc which was thoughtful of you. I appreciate it. smile I'll try and carry that thoughtfulness forward with everything I do.

InThis yes you're right. I said it as a reaction because I was hurt. I do appreciate it's difficult to live someone who has a mental illness. Anyway, it's a new day today. smile

Thanks for the link too brownsauce and the advice MooMaid. Hope you're feeling better too.

NewtRipley Sat 08-Mar-14 08:48:02

Maybe you could, in a quiet relaxed moment, tell him exactly what it is you'd appereciate him saying.

I've had depression, and I've lived with someone with depression.

NewtRipley Sat 08-Mar-14 08:48:22

Appreciate

Allergictoironing Sat 08-Mar-14 09:01:19

The problem (with OP's DP) could be that many people who have not had depression themselves, or not lived with someone with severe depression, really just can't comprehend what it's like - they think it's like when you are depressed (i.e. rather miserable & down) about something. They really genuinely don't understand that depression can be as awful and debilitating as it is.

Case in mind; I have a friend who reckons she's "had depression", even got anti depressants from her GP for a month or two, when her father died. She blithely told me that she got over it by taking the dog for a walk twice a day and positive thinking! She really couldn't see that someone with depression can be so bad that the act of putting the collar & lead on the dog is beyond them on a bad day, let alone taking it out for a walk. Or that positive thinking is completely impossible, as every thought can be (and usually is) turned into a negative.

bedraggledmumoftwo Sat 08-Mar-14 10:30:41

While i agree it is hurtful, i have said things like that to my dh before, and sometimes it is true- the only thing that really gets to me is him being stressy or unsupportive, and if he is driving me mad it is easier when hes not there, even without the help with the kids!

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