To be totally judgey pants over this?

(46 Posts)
OldCatLady Fri 07-Mar-14 21:55:44

Been with my boyfriend almost a year, serious relationship, planning on moving in soon.

At the beginning the "how many ex's" conversation came up, he told me 4 girlfriends, around another 10 flings/people he's slept with. No problem with this at all. (I'm a bit less but around the same)

Skip to last week...it basically turns out it's more like 50 and he didn't want to tell me at the start because he knew I'd be judgey. I'm kind of shocked and it's sort of changed how I see him a little (still love and adore him), I just didn't think he was 'that' kind of guy.

Am I unreasonable to be a bit judgey/annoyed/upset/shocked at this?

And of course I know you can't change the past etc, it's just sort of changed what I think of him, I never thought of him as a one night stand type, but obviously he is/was.

Coldlightofday Fri 07-Mar-14 21:57:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenLandsOfHome Fri 07-Mar-14 21:58:19

How do you know it's now 50?

If he's volunteered this information the true figure may be higher still...

Oakmaiden Fri 07-Mar-14 22:00:14

How old is he?

50 partners for a 23 year old would concern me - for a 40 year old it would not really be particularly disturbing...

Sparklysilversequins Fri 07-Mar-14 22:01:05

YABU. Best way to start injecting resentment and discord into your relationship if you start turning your nose up at stuff that he did in HIS past before he ever even met you. It's absolutely none of your business to be honest and I expect he wishes he hadn't been so open with you.

feathermucker Fri 07-Mar-14 22:01:40

Judge him on his actions now, not his past.

YABU

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Mar-14 22:01:45

What 'kind of guy'?

10. 50. Whatever.

OldCatLady Fri 07-Mar-14 22:02:33

He's 26. He volunteered this information when the subject came up. He says he went through a 'phase' at uni.

I have never liked 'that' sort of guy...the ones that have one night stands/use girls for sex etc, and now it turns out that was him. I'm not sure how to feel :/

Sheesh.

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Mar-14 22:03:38

Why do you assume he was 'using' girls for sex instead of simply having consensual, mutually enjoyable sex with them?

You don't appear to think much of him.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 07-Mar-14 22:03:43

Oh grow up!

Coldlightofday Fri 07-Mar-14 22:03:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg Fri 07-Mar-14 22:04:25

Why on earth does anyone have this conversation ffs.

Women can just enjoy sex as well.

invicta Fri 07-Mar-14 22:05:25

He's being honest with you - that's a good sign. As he said, he went through a phase, but has now come out of it. I shouldn't worry. It's the future that counts, not the past.

InThisTogether Fri 07-Mar-14 22:51:33

YABU, really it's none of your business (sorry) and if you think less of him, well, maybe you don't 'still love and adore him' as much as you first thought?

ilikebaking Fri 07-Mar-14 22:53:16

As long as he has no diseases it doesn't matter if it is 1 or 1000.
Get a grip.

Meepers Fri 07-Mar-14 22:55:18

I just cannot get my head round why it matters.

susiedaisy Fri 07-Mar-14 22:59:05

I would be hurt that he lied tbh. I have only had one sexual partner my exh of 20 years, I can't imagine ever sleeping with another 49 so I can see the op point of view. Everyone's different.

betman Fri 07-Mar-14 23:08:57

Yabu for thinking that just because he has had 50 partners he has used women for sex.

My dh had MANY partners/one night stands before he met me. We have been married 25 years now... Once he met me that was it, so why would I judge him? (Unless to wish I'd had more fun myself!)

It does.not.matter .. and he WAS right..you are judging!

And as for 'that kind of guy'...how he was 5 years ago or whatever has no bearing on him now. My own children have had more sexual partners than I ever did (they are aged 20,22,) and I don't judge them. And they are women.. does that make them 'loose women'?

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 07-Mar-14 23:13:25

I've never told anyone, including my OH of ten years how many. As none of them matter now anyway.

DownstairsMixUp Fri 07-Mar-14 23:13:29

I wouldn't be hurt at him sleeping with that many people, it would be the lying about the amount to begin with. That would pee me off.

Robfordscrack Fri 07-Mar-14 23:27:33

I don't think it's a big deal really. He was worried what you thought about him. I think that's quite normal in a new relationship and he came clean with you now, didn't he?

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