AIBU To twant a break from dogs some day.(89 Posts)
I love dogs. I truely do. And i have one, And i love him and would never part with him. I have been around dogs all my life.
BUT I have never had to be home so much with one (Previously they were mums dogs, and when i was a single parent living on my own my dog went to my mums sometimes if i was working etc so i got a break).
I just can't take it anymore. The mouth noises drive me up the wall. I want the scream and break things every time i hear it. I smashed my laptop up over it once. Literally. Its behind the TV with a smashed up screen and the harddrive files are all unsalvagable. (Yes i know i have a problem with noises) The smells. The hair. Staring at me STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME. Snaffling food off the floor if the kids drop some. Staring at people for food as though i starve him.
It just feels suffocating.
As i said i would never part with him. He is getting on a bit (He's 7, lab x ridgeback). But when he does pass i don't want another.
OH wants to have a St Bernard. "For the kids to grow up with"
my arse. He would buy one tomorrow if we could afford it (He's not like, planning for Bs death or anything he's wanted one for ages).
AIBU To say absolutely not, i want a break. Ive had dogs dogs and more dogs for 24 years now. My mum had lots of dogs when i was little. I don't ever remember having less than 3 dogs growing up.
I might want another one day, But definitely not now, not if we had all the money in the world. We have one dog. I don't want another and even when he is no longer with us, not then either.
Poor you, it sounds very stressful.
I have a German friend who has this, he is "lärmempfinflich", it is hard. He goes and eats in almost empty restaurants, whenever he can.
Hell is other people (Sartre said that, didn't he?)...this could include dogs, I guess.
I have a dog, but don't know what you mean with mouth noises at all? Is it something slobbery sort of dogs do?
You could try the cost thing on your OH Flock? You mentioned looking into this yourself
As you say, they are expensive to feed Petplanet quotes over £15 a week to feed (I'd be guessing over £20 especially when they are young & really need specialised food), around a grand to buy, insurance is a must with their tendency to hip dysplasia, yearly vet visits recommended, they cost at least double for things like wormers & flea treatment.
In fact if as you suggest you need to be careful with money at present, that may be all you need to persuade OH, a full and honest cost estimate of a typical dog let alone a giant one
I feel for you OP. I don't have misophonia and I love SelectASpaniel to bits but when he goes, I want a break from dogs.
I understand how you can be 100% committed to your current pet but not want to extend that commitment to a future, as yet unborn animal with all the extra responsibility that entails. SAS is a needy dog and while I love him and will give him all the care he needs for the next 5-6 years (in all probability; he's 9) I don't feel up to another 12-15 years of potential neediness after that.
I hope you get some good results from your CMHT referral.
you could try hypnotherapy OP. My sensitivity is not extreme like yours, but it's very similar when I'm very tired or stressed. Hate loud kissing and loud eating noise also, on tv or in transport. yuk - I don't clench but it makes me a bit queasy. Nothing like as sensitive when I'm in a happy mood - maybe you are a bit depressed generally, or very stressed with life atm.
that's why some people prefer cats! they don't demand attention on nearly 24/7 basis, like dogs do!
So your partner works 15 hours a day and he wants you to take on taking care of a giant breed dog alone as well as your DC? And he thinks your mental health problems are just stroppiness? I think there are bigger issues here than the dog.
Husky - Oh i do always offer him a drink, He has a drink in the morning, is offered but rarely takes one mid morning, and has one down all afternoon and night apart from between 5 and 6:30 when DS gets home from nursery.
If i tell him to stop begging and go lie down he does usually do it. He never did it until we moved here (open plan, he used to go in another room at meal times) and DS started throwing food at him and hiding food for him to get.
Lol my mums dog used to stare at me when i was pregnant :S She never did it any other time, only when i was pregnant. She'd just stand there staring for hours. and hours. and hours. Strange animal. I used to hide from her and her beady little eyes! I cried over it once (Hormones, i cried at anything not going my way) because i kept telling her to go sit down.
Zombies - As it happens, I have actually picked some ear plugs up today. I saw them and wondered if they'd help block it out, as it is mostly at night when he its quiet it gets to me the worst because it's the only thing i can hear. I'm going to try them tomorrow, i've had some sort of weird viral thing and my ears are really sore so i was nervous of putting them in while theyre still sore inside.
Cat - Yes i do think thats a contributing factor and creates a vicious circle. I think the mouth noises too, as he does it more if he notices me fidgeting about and tensing and licking their lips is something dogs do if they're unsure of something.
Iron - Wow. wow wow wow. HAve you considered reading the thread, not saying wow wow wow like some sort of stuck, moronic record, Or not being rude? Would you make these comments to someone with other mental health issues? Do you go around saying 'wow, wow wow wow' if you see someone behaving oddly in the street because of a MH condition?
Wow. Wow wow wow. Have you considered a pet rock? Better for all involved.
Actually I find you completely reasonable.
My own dog does not lick her bits when in the same room as us, she will go into the garden.
However when she licks her lips I do know she needs a drink and its simply dehydration so I do not let that bother me.
I adore dogs, but when they do annoying things, yes it is more than frustrating.
My OH's mothers
cunty dogs will stare and stare at you eat your food and one even screams until you throw half of it actually at them.
They also lick their bollocks non stop and one dog licks the inside of the others mouth oh so thoroughly which drives me so insane I must leave the room.
Horrible traits, which are actually to an extent avoidable.
Try teaching your dog the "No begging" command. It was a godsend for us, and as you say it my dog actually averts her gaze and moves away. Being a funny enough eater as it is, a dog which eyeballs you is highly off putting.
Why can't you wear earplugs at home?
That sounds so debilitating. What help is available for you? Sounds like your fight/flight response because of it is sky high- which I can relate to..
Dog is probably doing dog stares because he picks up on that inherent vibe, then the whole thing goes round in circles??
Cat - Mostly eating noises from people and animals. Coughing, not like, a random, one off cough. But little, deliberate coughs, or rather, dramatically clearing your throat (If you know what i mean). Anything repetitive, Some of them scare me more than make me angry though - You know like, when a PC crashes and your watching/listening to something and it goes duhduhduhduhduhduhduhduh really fast - That terrifies me, my heart starts beatign really fast and i start panicking and have to get it off as quickly as possible.
People sniffing too, mostly my OH because other people obviously i dont spend as much time with, but sniffing loudly for no apparent reason.
My only coping mechanism is physical really, i have a rubber thing i throw at the porch wall/floor (So im not risking hitting anyone, i have a terrible aim, if i threw it in anywhere else id definitely manage to smack someone in the face with it or itd hit the TV or something!) if it gets too intense. Its really weird its like it releases all the tension, its literally like being wound really tightly, everything inside feels clenched and tight.
I never take it out on other people anymore (I used to shout at my brother a lot when i was younger) and ive never taken it out on the dog obviously, its not his fault and i know that. Id never do anything to hurt him or make him unhappy. I'd never hurt any animal.
What other noises affect you with the misophonia? You must have coping mechanisms for them? Fwiw I think the dog is a sort of red herring. Are you getting help for your disorder? (Sorry, I mean that in the nicest way!)
zzzz We are hopefully moving soon and as our house goes straight onto the street, im thinking he'd be better off in kennels for a few days anyway so i will get a couple of days break there. Im going to try and get my mum to have the kids too even just for a night so i can sit in perfect quiet.
Topaz - He thinks im just being stroppy.
I said to him that maybe if we could afford a decent sized house, with a good amount of land so it could have a warm outdoor space so i wasn't stuck inside all day, then id think about it, but thats not going to happen in the near future, not for at least ten years. If not more. We're only just getting back on our feet after a horrible period of unemployment.
But otherwise its an absolute no, theyre huge, We'd need a good amount of land because i simply wouldnt be able to walk it everyday on my own with two kids in tow - Itd be dangerous for me, the kids and the dog. He can't come home after 15 hours of work and give it a decent walk! I won't have an unwalked dog its not fair, especially one of that size.
Not to mention the insurance, when i looked up, for a level of cover id be happy with due to the problems StBs get, jessus ive insured horses for less! And the food - again ive fed a horse for less (Admittedly the horse was on a restricted diet and the food he was allowed happened to only cost £7 quid a bag).
It sounds like you need a break. Could you put the dog in Kennels for a week and just recharge your batteries a bit?
Your partner really needs to see the bigger picture here, does he realise how much this is affecting your mental health? Don't give in and get another dog, especially a St Bernard. If you find a regular sized dog overwhelming a huge one won't help! St Bernard's make snorting noises and it wouldn't grow up with your children because St Bernard's have a short lifespan. Your children need you to be healthy and happy more than they need a dog.
crabby Thankyou so much.
The staring thing definitely annoys me more since i had kids. Thats mostly when ive been nagged and followed around all day. Even OH does it sometimes like WTF?!
My DD has recently started doing noises that annoy me too. She drinks cereal milk out of the bowl and the noise. It's making me twitch thinking about it. I pretend i need to wee and go and hide from it if OH is home.
And the whiney thing triggers it too and i have to ask her to please just be quiet and give me some space. Luckily she is very good at understanding, ive told her im poorly in my head and sometimes i need things to be quiet for a few moments.
Dino OH and the kids would be devastated if i rehomed him. DD was upset enough when i had to stop dog sitting my friends cresteds at the beginning of last year. She isn't allowed indoor pets at her dads because hes allergic to anything with a tail.
My downstairs is open plan (Worst idea EVER we are moving ASAP i HATE this house).
Thanks for those wo've offered their support and kindness.
I have asked for this thread to be removed because someone IRL would recognise me from some of the info and i dont want people IRL to know i feel this way.
I think i was a bit hasty posting some of it but im glad i did now because its the first time at least a few people havent called me names or said i shouldnt have animals at all or accused me of being an abusive owner.
FFS! OP please don't take to heart all these comments by posters who clearly know absolutely fuck all about misophonia.
No one could love a dog more than I love mine - she is the world's most spoilt and cosseted dog. But sometimes the neediness drives me nuts, and the noises always drive me demented. She is a clingy cocker and the moment she doesn't get exactly what she wants, she whines this very high pitched annoying whine. I am acutely hypersensitive to high pitched noises and it drives me fucking insane. If we're out walking and I stop for a moment...the whining starts. The high pitched yapping at everything too. And and and and...! The whistley breathing. I don't even know how it's possible for a creature to produce such a piercingly high pitched breathing sound, but she does.
I totally get you about the staring too. Usually I don't mind that much, but sometimes it's just yet another demanding face, wanting something from me. Similarly, usually I don't mind that she has to be in actual physical contact with me constantly, even down to hooking her chin over my arm in the car every time I reach down to change gear. But when I'm pre-menstrual and I just don't want anyone or anything to touch me... drives me bonkers and I just want to scream GET THE FUCK OFF ME!
Incidentally I react the same way when DD makes high pitched noises or behaves in an ultra-needy way when I'm in that hypersensitive state. I could quite cheerfully throw a laptop at the wall!
Does that mean I should rehome the dog and DD?
You've got to have a really honest conversation with your DP. Or if more likely to work put it in writing. YOU WILL NOT BE HAVING ANOTHER DOG, OF ANY KIND, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. The DCs can have a cat, guinea pigs, whatever. They'll cope with that.
And can you think of any way of improving the current situation? If the dog is really wearing you down, re-home it. It can be happy in another family. I'm not saying take it to the dogs' home - you can wait till you find a family you're happy with.
If not, then maybe you could advertise a dog share? We have no dog (not at home for much of the day), but would love to have a dog to walk sometimes, or to have at weekends. That kind of arrangement would give you a break.
Can the dog spend some time on its own? Eg in another room from you?
i think your getting a real roasting here you've admitted you have a problem and you talked about seeing someone for it? i see no problems with that
your right you should have a break from dogs im on a cat break right now i love them i miss them i have three kids and no patience for them hell im lucky if i have patience with the kids every day! (not perfect)
you know what you have to do its put your foot down have a frank honest conversation with your oh tell him everything ...........good luck
exit Snoring dogs are lovely. That doesn't bother me at all.
OH snoring on the other hand. Pillow over face. One day, i swear it.
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