AIBU To twant a break from dogs some day.(89 Posts)
I love dogs. I truely do. And i have one, And i love him and would never part with him. I have been around dogs all my life.
BUT I have never had to be home so much with one (Previously they were mums dogs, and when i was a single parent living on my own my dog went to my mums sometimes if i was working etc so i got a break).
I just can't take it anymore. The mouth noises drive me up the wall. I want the scream and break things every time i hear it. I smashed my laptop up over it once. Literally. Its behind the TV with a smashed up screen and the harddrive files are all unsalvagable. (Yes i know i have a problem with noises) The smells. The hair. Staring at me STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME. Snaffling food off the floor if the kids drop some. Staring at people for food as though i starve him.
It just feels suffocating.
As i said i would never part with him. He is getting on a bit (He's 7, lab x ridgeback). But when he does pass i don't want another.
OH wants to have a St Bernard. "For the kids to grow up with"
my arse. He would buy one tomorrow if we could afford it (He's not like, planning for Bs death or anything he's wanted one for ages).
AIBU To say absolutely not, i want a break. Ive had dogs dogs and more dogs for 24 years now. My mum had lots of dogs when i was little. I don't ever remember having less than 3 dogs growing up.
I might want another one day, But definitely not now, not if we had all the money in the world. We have one dog. I don't want another and even when he is no longer with us, not then either.
Someone suggested noise cancelling headphones on a thread recently. That might help? Esp if other noises bother you.
Personally I really like dog noises. Mine does a really funny snorty noise when she is happy. I really enjoy this aspect of having a dog. If you can't stand these noises I think you should think carefully before getting another dog.
Logg1e - Not sure when i've said i have a problem with committment. Or when i've done anything not in his interest, he's very well looked after, i love him, i have a problem with noise and i can't stand the thought of another. I can cope fine with him. Just no more.
Pumpkin - Yeah thats totally it. I don't walk him in the pissing down rain, i dont pay for injections, i dont feed him. I just dont want the not nice bits see.
In what way are you "coping fine"? You're just after saying you smashed a laptop over his breathing and want to smash things whenever you hear it.
It's all in your first post OP. That level of anger is not healthy for any of you to live with. Smashing a laptop? Hating him for looking at you? It's not ok.
IT's been a long wet, winter - not surprised it's getting to you having him there all the time because he won't go out. I think it will get easier as your dc get older and always in the summer when he's out in the garden more.
I have no idea why your dh won't listen to you point of view though - it's very clear that you absolutely aren't wanting to commit to getting another dog.
Have you actually told your dh that you will absolutely not agree to it and he isn't to do anything stupid like bring a puppy home?
Live I've never heard of those, but ill definitely google. If it werent for the noise problem i'd feel a lot better.
The feeling these noises give me is just horrible. I cry sometimes because i cant take anymore noise (not just from the dog). I've scratched my skin so hard its bled before because of noises it effects me that badly.
snow My kids are 4 2 and 3 months. I dont mind walking etc, i enjoy it. Its the most enjoyable part when its not raining. I love taking him out, we do all sorts. I usually take him when the elder two are in bed and OH has the baby. OH takes him in the morning when hes not at work.
You said you managed fine owning a dog when it actually belonged to your mum or when she took him off your hands .
How many walks a day is he getting?
Would he cope with doggy day care ? That could give you a break once or twice a week.
I don't think it's wrong to recognise that whilst you love this dog and care for him, your dog owning days might be over. It's not as if you're not committed to him and he obviously loves you.
And as for your OH, it's maybe not fair but generally the person who really really really doesn't want the pet shouldn't be forced into having one, esp not a StB.
I love dogs. But I wouldn't have one.
We borrow my mums dogs when we go on walks to the beach/woods etc. It's fab. We get all the pleasure out of the dog with none of the work.
I hate the hair, the mess, the smell. I hate the responsibility, the feeling that you can't be out too long because of the dog. I hate the way they dig the garden up and drip water all over the kitchen floor. I hate muddy feet, slobbery mouths, puppies that chew and poo all over the floor with training.
It doesn't sound much like I love dogs - but I really do. I just don't like the work that goes with them. Hence we don't have one.
pumpkin I can live with it for a bit longer. I have no choice. I can't put myself through it for another dog though. Thats how. Because i have to ok. How do you think other people cope with much worse things than this? I'm not going to just rehome him behind OHs back. That would be awful. I agreed to him getting him. So i have i live with the consequences of my own stupid actions. Because im an adult. The dog isnt suffering. Just me. No one else. Im the one whos uncomfortable, im the one with no laptop.
Logg1e - Where did i say i hate him for looking at me? I said staring is annoying. Another poster said the same... It is annoying when anything stares at you. ITs annoying when my kids stare at me randomly. I dont hate them either funnily enough!
RM - He won't bring one home randomly. Not something like a SB anyway, He wouldn't know where to start. He wouldn't look at a dog without me there.
He seems to think im going to change my mind though.
I don't think you're suited to the grind and monotony of pet ownership.
Wow, really selling pet ownership there!
Just the pestering would annoy me tbh, I hope you manage to get through to him that you don't want to hear about getting another dog at all ever
for the forseeable future
Logg1e - I meant the things like noise didn't effect me as much. Which i think is because i wasn't constantly with the dog. She would go to my mums sometimes because we had three horses, and if i were looking after all 3 (One was my mums), then id be out all day, and the stables opened right onto a main road so i couldnt take her, so she went to my mums.
I have no issue with committment. Ive had horses for 12 years, You cant get much more comittment than that!
Depends what we're doing. Two or three a day usually. If the weather is really bad sometimes he digs his feet into the carpet and wont come out though so only gets one. He REALLY hates the rain. Then cries because ive gone without him the weirdo lol.
(Should point out, i dont have any horses to look after right now, I look after other peoples mostly since my OH had a job loss as i've not felt stable enough to buy another, But ive been away since i got pregnant with the baby).
Wow, really selling pet ownership there!
Oh, I love animals, I'm in sackcloth and ashes at the mo following the death of one of my fids on Tuesday.
But it IS a heck of a responsibility, much like children.
OP I interpreted this as hating something, Staring at me STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME.
I think it's ok to accept that you can't handle owning a dog any more, priorities change and these things happen. But I don't think you should own a dog, and think your inability to see this is a worry.
And smashing a laptop, that's not really a sign of acceptance and tolerance.
How long have you felt like this? You have very young children and I bet your bloody knackered!!
I would like a bet on this being so tired as being the cause, I know for me when extremely tired my cats licking does my bloody head in, a ant could walk across the floor and I'd hear it!!!! Everythings soooooo loud!!
Maybe speak to your HV or GP as you may be a little "down" after the baby. What I do think is that your dog is becoming a fixation for you as he doesn't "need" to be looked after as much as the little ones do, but he's still dependant and it's not his fault.
OP, I simply disagree that smashing a laptop is indicative of "coping fine". I don't think we're going to agree on that.
I agree with the other posters on the importance of convincing your husband on the need for a break after this one goes. His wants shouldn't trump your - or the dog's - wellbeing.
Logg1e - No, its a sign of a problem, do you tell people with other problems theyre just intolerant?
The staring at me thing was meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. I dont hate him for staring at me,. Its just a minor anoyance that i can put up with now, but i dont want 12 years of it after he passes.
Ziplex - Its called misophonia. Its a noise thing. It always happens. It's just more intense when i dont get a break from the noise, although somethings it doesn't matter how long ive not heard them. If i had to hear my brother eat right now i'd be sratching my thighs raw within seconds.
Like if ive been out all day, and i come home, it wont bother me nearly as much for thefirst few hours.
Im seeing a mental health team next week or other things so im hoping to get help though. I can cope with him. the thought of another one though makes me want to run away.
I know for sure if aother dog walked through that door now i would take what i needed for me and the kids and leave immediately (Well, first thing in the morning obvs).
You asked if you were being unreasonable for wanting a break from dog ownership. I think everyone has said, No, you are not unreasonable. I think some of us are questioning the wisdom in keeping the one you've got.
Do you really not think that smashing a laptop is a cause for concern?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.