Aibu to be furious that ds is being called a N***** [thread title edited by MNHQ]

(173 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

bongobaby Thu 06-Mar-14 17:24:35

I'm am pissed off that a child in ds class has been calling him a effing nigger. Not only has this child been calling ds this he has also been messaging him calling him this. They are both in year six. I have always brought ds up not to swear and I don't like it used around him it's an absolute no no for me. My ds is mixed raced so yep he is half black but that doesn't excuse this foul use of the term at school or through whatsapp and he is upset about it.
Need advise on how to approach this as I am fuming.

YouAreTalkingRubbish Fri 07-Mar-14 21:29:19

I am not quite sure why I don't like seeing the word online. I suppose it's simply because it's such a nasty word.

Coldlightofday Fri 07-Mar-14 21:30:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouAreTalkingRubbish Fri 07-Mar-14 21:33:49

That's right Worra As I mentioned before I think its interesting that posters are cross with MNHQ for deleting it and I am curious how the matter will be resolved. I think MNHQ have a difficult job working out what is appropriate and I am interested in whether they will reinstate the OPs original thread title or not.

hoobypickypicky Fri 07-Mar-14 21:35:46

But youare, this isn't about how you feel about reading the word "nigger". It's about how the OP's son feels.

Why would asterisking the word out make the word less offensive? Genuine question.

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Mar-14 21:36:26

It will be interesting, that's true.

I've nearly always agreed with HQ's decisions, or at least understood them

But I'm truly baffled by this one.

YouAreTalkingRubbish Fri 07-Mar-14 21:36:56

Good question about starting out the end of word. I don't know why it's better starred out - just that it is <shrug>

YouAreTalkingRubbish Fri 07-Mar-14 21:39:56

Typo - starring out not starting out. blush

slithytove Fri 07-Mar-14 21:40:27

cardamom as well as all other threads which use it uncensored

Coldlightofday Fri 07-Mar-14 21:40:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 07-Mar-14 21:41:42

Hope your school takes this matter seriously. IT is rasict and schools had a huge policy on this as a form of bullying

And fwiw I thought editing out the title was silly

As someone pointed out if adults can't cope/get offended with the word then how would a small child feel sad

Finola1step Fri 07-Mar-14 21:41:52

As I suggested up thread, if you are upset by the full spelling out of the word in question then perhaps your indignation is misplaced. I am upset that BB's son had to hear and see the word written down. I am upset that BB felt that she had to write it. It did not upset me to see it written down. I was shocked at first, but reading the OP made it very clear that the word was used in context.

Devora Fri 07-Mar-14 22:31:23

Exactly what Coldfightofday says.

Perfectlypurple Sat 08-Mar-14 07:00:47

I still can't see why the title had to be edited. I don't find seeing that word offensive. If I heard someone being called it I would find it offensive.

op hope your son manages to put this out of his head and enjoy his weekend. If you get any more messages this weekend ring 101 and report it.

kitty555 Sat 08-Mar-14 07:08:35

I haven't read all comments so it might have been mentioned, but yes, go through the teacher and phone/email him/her. Schools have to record so called `racist incidents` and put a stop to them through whatever means necessary.

bongobaby Sat 08-Mar-14 10:16:39

But youare, this isn't about how you feel about reading the word "n". its about how the op's son feels.

ds has told me this morning that another boy at school in a P.E lesson called him the N word and that ds told the teacher and this boy was sanctioned. this took place last week and now I can sort of understand the Heads email. What he didn't know at the time was that the boy in my op also was calling him this as well as text messaging it. I asked ds why he didn't tell me about the first boy, he said because they are friends now he had been told off.
so the Head knows nothing about the second boy and he would be thinking that its the same boy as in my email I just said a pupil. This has upset me more that it is now two boys that thinks its ok to use this word and I wonder if its a theme undercurrent running through the school. This makes it a whole lot more serious.

YouAreTalkingRubbish Sat 08-Mar-14 11:43:24

Bongo. I really, really sympathise with you and your son and, as I said earlier in the thread, I don't think you did anything wrong by using your original thread title.

I said I thought MNHQ was correct to delete the word because it was unnessecery for it to be written in all its glory and that I would feel equally sympathetic towards your son regardless of whether the word was starred out or not. I then mentioned my feelings towards the word as part of the discussion as other posters were saying they thought it was ok to use.
<shrug>
The other posters were saying they thought it was necessary to convey the story and I was saying it wasn't. That's all.
<another shrug>

First and foremost I am angry and 'outraged' on your sons behalf.

The thought that I am sitting here clutching my pearls and being outraged to see the word written down is a bit silly.

I am interested to see if MNHQ reinstates it or not.

Moreisnnogedag Sat 08-Mar-14 11:58:39

OP you are doing the right thing. I would not tolerate my child ever calling another child that, whether he "means" it or not and as his parent I would expect to be informed - I'd march him over to apologise and spend a serious amount of time re-educating him. Or take him back home (SA) and show him the impact racism has. So angry on your behalf!

Language is so important and your DS reaction to it is so heartbreaking. I watched a programme years ago that stuck with me. It showed that toddlers internalised racial stereotypes so readily, even negative ones about their own racial background. Only the children whose parents were overtly positive about their children's heritage managed to overcome it. It's so very sad that this is needed.

Finola1step Sat 08-Mar-14 11:59:43

BB your poor ds. So the head thought it was "boy 2" you were referring to in your email and knows nothing about "boy 1"? But if you sent copies of the texts from "Boy 1", it would suggest that the head spent very little time reading your email and looking into the situation. He has thought "It's the situation with ??, all sorted" rather than thinking that this is a wider issue.

Therefore, a face to face meeting early next week is necessary. I would be tempted to go into school and either wait or make an appointment in person. Shows you are not going away anytime soon.

The school also need to be doing something pretty damn quick in the PHSE curriculum to bolster their equality, diversity and bullying elements.

WilsonFrickett Sat 08-Mar-14 13:24:47

You do need to do this face to face, definitely. The ht is just not 'getting' it. Remember, it is potentially in his interests to minimise the situation, on all sorts of levels.

bongobaby Mon 10-Mar-14 19:49:18

I received a phone call this afternoon from the mum of the first boy that had called ds this in p.e and she apologised to me and said that she wants her ds to also apologise to my ds. She recieved a call from the head informing her on friday what had happened and she was mortified. She said that she does not know what had gotten into her ds as they don't use that language at home and he had been punished for it. I told her that I appreciated her call and hope that it wouldn't happen again. It was the first she had heard anything about it via the call.
I have had no response from my reply email from the head as yet. So I take it that had I not of emailed the head, he would not of spoken to the boy's parent of his behaviour leaving just to be dealt in school with no parental knowledge of the incident for me or her from the school.

WilsonFrickett Mon 10-Mar-14 19:51:39

I'm glad that's the result you want but how did she know it was your DS that her DS called the name? HT shouldn't have shared that information.

Chase that email again tomorrow and if you don't get any response, go in on Wed. I know HTs are busy, but this sort of shit should be top of their lists really...

bongobaby Mon 10-Mar-14 19:58:00

I think that her ds told her maybe not the Head. But I now have the second boy that also called ds this as said in my op. I thought at the time it was only one boy and I have made the head aware of this and he has not replied. I think a phone call to him tomorrow will be best.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 11-Mar-14 11:39:57

I'm glad the mum rang to apologize and is punishing her son. I hope he also did say sorry to your son

Hope the same outcome for 2nd boy and maybe there needs to be a strict letter going out stating again About racism and zero tolerance to all parents

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