"friends put their willies and bums together" AIBU to be wondering about this?

(28 Posts)
chnagenameforthis Thu 06-Mar-14 09:49:03

I overheard my DS telling his brother that a friend told him that "if they are going to be proper friends they need to put their willies and bums together". My DS told the boy that this was stupid.

Do you think this is normal language/behaviour in a year two boy?

So as not to drip feed I believe that there were allegations of sexually inappropriate behaviour against this boy last year but I don't know what they are or for 100% sure that it is this boy. I was told by the "victim's" mother who withdrew her child from the school last year. SS were involved with the "victim's" family because of an unconventional family set up and she wasn't believed.

The boy who said this to my son is very naughty at school and quite insecure but is basically a really nice lad.

I don't want to cause problems for anyone if it is normal behaviour. If I mentioned it to the school would they have to investigate?

BTW I'm not worried about my son who is very clear that it would be a stupid thing to do. I'm just uncomfortable - if the school does have concerns this could be a piece of the puzzle. On the other hand if there is nothing to worry about this could cause huge problems for the family and the child, when it could really be quite an innocent remark.

chnagenameforthis Thu 06-Mar-14 09:51:59

.

TeenAndTween Thu 06-Mar-14 09:54:36

Personally I would mention it to the school in a 'it might be nothing but thought you should know' way. Then let the school, who have more knowledge of what things are / are not normally said at that age, AND who will know the child better, decide how to proceed, if at all.

I think that is inappropriate for a 6 / 7 year old. It was not in the context of 'I know how babies are made ...' or 'adults do ...'.

MerryInthechelseahotel Thu 06-Mar-14 09:58:29

I would mention it to the school. You can't really go wrong by doing this. It could be something or nothing but they will have more information than you and will have procedures in places to check things out.

DomesticDisgrace Thu 06-Mar-14 10:00:29

Yeah I'd definitely mention it in a "just letting you know" kind of way.

chnagenameforthis Thu 06-Mar-14 10:00:42

Thank you - yes I think that is what I should do.

What I'm trying to get my head round is, if it wasn't for the context (which is all hearsay anyway) would you think it was worth mentioning? How odd is it for a child of that age to say that?

sunev Thu 06-Mar-14 10:00:46

I'd tell the school. It sounds like this boy needs support from outside his own family.

ShoeWhore Thu 06-Mar-14 10:01:55

I agree I would mention it in a "might be nothing but thought I should mention it" kind of a way too - let the professionals decide if it needs further investigation.

I know that there is a certain amount of giggling about sex at my dcs' school but this sounds subtly different. Having said that it's also very common for kids to get a bit mixed up about this sort of thing, a kind of chinese whispers effect if you like. I remember a friend at school telling me that when you had sex the man and woman got stuck together!!

Elfhame Thu 06-Mar-14 10:09:45

I would mention it without the context. As others have said, the professionals can decide what to do about it. It sounds like a red flag for abuse.

gamerchick Thu 06-Mar-14 10:11:44

yes mention it to the school

Marcipex Thu 06-Mar-14 10:12:32

Your first paragraph.... Just tell the school that.

Koothrapanties Thu 06-Mar-14 10:13:17

My concern is where this boy has learnt that. Who has said that to him? Definitely a red flag.

Puttheshelvesup Thu 06-Mar-14 10:15:52

Phone NSPCC for advice. I've phoned in the past and they were brilliant. If anyone knows what sort of behaviour is 'normal' or 'inappropriate' it is them.

WorraLiberty Thu 06-Mar-14 10:15:54

I would mention it to the school even without the boy's 'history'.

It's a fairly odd thing for a 6 or 7yr old to say.

Of course it could be nothing but at least give the school a chance to look into it.

CumberCookie Thu 06-Mar-14 10:16:50

To me it sounds far too graphic for a 7/8 yr old. I'd tell the school because they are probably already concerned and any extra info will help.

WorraLiberty Thu 06-Mar-14 10:16:50

I'm quite sure the NSPCC would advise the OP had a quiet word with the teacher.

I don't see what else they could advise?

Floggingmolly Thu 06-Mar-14 10:18:18

It's weird even without the context. Definitely let the school know.

chnagenameforthis Thu 06-Mar-14 10:19:05

Thank you all. I have called the school to have a quiet chat with the teacher some time today and I won't mention any knowledge of any possible context.

Yes talk to the school.
TBH, without the background with the other child, I would have assumed it was just a child who had recently had a "how babies are made" conversation with a parent and was over enthusiastically sharing his misinformation.

cowsarescary Thu 06-Mar-14 10:24:05

My mother told my eldest sister the facts of life when she was about 14. My sister told my next sister (10). Who told me (6). Who told our brother (4).

God only knows what he told his friends. It was coming out pretty garbled at that stage.

oscarwilde Thu 06-Mar-14 10:38:49

if they are going to be proper friends they need to put their willies and bums together - I don't think that's a remotely normal thing for a child of that age to say.
My first gut reaction is that that is a child who is being abused.
My second more rational response having read the comments is that often a small child doesn't differentiate between bottom and vagina and may have simply walked in on his parents/witnessed inappropriate TV/been given the birds and bees talk by a confused older child etc etc.

So - my point is that my first reaction was to over-react and as you say, it may cause huge disruption for the family. However, the consequences for that child if it is not an over-reaction and the comment is ignored are horrific. I would tell the school what you overheard, and follow it up in writing. They are best placed to observe any pattern of disturbing behaviour and liaise with the appropriate professionals.

justmyview Thu 06-Mar-14 10:47:11

My understanding is that a certain amount of curiosity / experimentation is considered natural and OK. A red flag is any element of coercion / pressure to do something

chnagenameforthis Thu 06-Mar-14 10:58:53

Thank you for this - I will make sure the school know that my son didn't feel pressured. He is very open and has an extremely clear sense of right and wrong - I would be more concerned if a child had said this to one of my other children.

I won't make a big deal of it, but I do think that morally I need to mention it, particularly, but not just because of the history.

It's the wording that would have me concerned. 'if we are to be proper friends'

Doesn't sound like normal just been told about sex talk to me at all.

sad

I'd do what others have said, quiet word with teacher, don't make too much fuss etc.

EEatingSoupForLunch Thu 06-Mar-14 11:12:52

Definitely talk to the school. There is a theme through loads of Serious Case Reviews about children who have suffered abuse, where people suspected or knew something was happening but didn't take action. If there's nothing to it, nothing has been lost by reporting it. But in case there is a concern, you will have done the right thing by having professionals look into what's going on with this little boy.

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